The year of 2013 had its ups and downs, but when we moved into our new house on August 15th, we finally felt "home". This was OUR place that we had designed and we were now settled. Sure, there were (and are) plenty of projects to complete, but it was a final merging of our two lives. We had a tough year of loss, but God gave us something to celebrate in the midst of our pain. The celebration was short lived when we had to move an entire house in August...in Texas! And not only was there a household of things to move, we also had a storage building full of my furniture, as well as a barn and a shop and several horses to move as well. The next few weeks were pretty exhausting but rewarding to see more of our "stuff" here at the new place and less at the old place.
Right after Labor Day, we went to New Orleans for a veterinary conference and a little bit of R & R after an exhausting few weeks of work. Once again, while I was on the trip, I started having horrible heartburn (which I never have) and feeling nauseous, and no, I wasn't drinking Hurricanes! It had only been about four months since I had miscarried and every month in between I would get my hopes up, just to be let down for another month. So, when I started feeling the symptoms of pregnancy again, I squelched the thought for a few days. We were eating at an Emeril restaurant one night, and I had a glass of wine that normally I would have loved and savored. This time, I couldn't choke it down. It tasted like motor oil! I now knew I was either dying or pregnant but something was really wrong. I finally told Rex my fears/hopes but this time, we just could not get too excited. Our emotions were too fragile and raw. We chewed on the thought for the rest of the trip because it would have been very early in the pregnancy and too soon to take a test. By the time we got home, curiosity was killing me so I finally took a test. Sure enough, BAM...I was pregnant! I was in shock yet again. You know all the stories you hear about people who have these nice surprise celebration dinners for the husband to announce they are pregnant? Well I am NOT one of those people! Rex was getting ready for work so I just casually left the test lying by his sink in the bathroom and I got back into bed. A few minutes passed and he comes busting into the bedroom asking "what does this mean"?! Of course, we were both incredulous and giddy but scared to death as well. This time, the roles were reversed and Rex was much more reserved and I felt more confident. Once again, the impossible had become possible, especially considering the first doctor had told us we only had a 20% chance of conception. Now we had conceived twice in less than a year's time! As much as we want to hang on to statistics and numbers, we should ultimately know that only God has the final say in these matters.
By the time I went to the doctor, my levels were sky high (to the point they thought it could be twins!). Every test, every ultrasound, every check up, I met the marks or excelled past them, whereas before, I was always a bit behind average. Looking back after having a healthy and normal pregnancy, I realize the first one was pretty weak. I also know now that the little check in my spirit where I had that worry I couldn't shake was God's way of readying me and trying to let me down easy. During the time frame after my miscarriage, my daily prayer had been "don't let me get pregnant again if it won't be a viable, long term pregnancy AND let this pregnancy be way different than the first one". Thank the Lord He answered both of those prayers, which gave me the confidence almost from day 1 that this baby was healthy as well as having security in God's promises. Rex couldn't really get excited until after the 12 week mark because he was so concerned if something happened, how I would take it. He had seen me grieve and feel such loss, and he couldn't bear for me to go there again. I, however, mentally felt very positive (physically I wanted to puke but hey, they said that was a sign of a healthy pregnancy so I was trying to be happy about that) and I was so blessed I didn't have to live this pregnancy in fear because God showed me early on that He was most definitely in control. I didn't want the enemy to steal my joy over such an amazing time in our lives!
We found out that we were having a boy right before Christmas, and then the real planning began! Picking a name is so very difficult, especially for a boy, because how do you look at a little baby and a grown man and have a name that fits both stages of life? We narrowed it down to two names, which we both liked, but one of us liked the other better. I finally had the bright idea to flip for the name---best 2 out of 3---because honestly, Rex always loses at these things! Well, for once, he won every flip and he was so elated until I busted out crying. Call it pregnancy hormones or the fact that deep down I really wanted that name! As he says, that ruined it for him, so in the end I won anyways by default (who can argue with a crying pregnant woman?!). So, Baby Neely finally had a name of Luke. I wanted a Biblical name and Luke means "he who brings light". I feel that fits this child perfectly. He has not even seen the outside world yet, but he's already brought so much light and joy to our families. I also feel that this child is God's light showing up through our past experiences in a special way. We pray that he will be a mighty warrior for the Kingdom in his future and he will continue to let that light shine bright. I've always been reminded when things get turned upside down and the world/evil seems to be flourishing, that the light will eventually outshine the darkness, and once again, this is a testimony of that truth.
So here I am, 38 and 1/2 years old and finally experiencing pregnancy for the first time. How crazy is that? Every little kick and hiccup has been a delight and just a miracle from God. It hasn't been easy but I'm glad I didn't go my whole life without experiencing this God send! Other than just conceiving, there have been so many prayers answered during this near 10 month journey (actually I feel like I've been pregnant for over a year considering the two pregnancies were so close together). We know it is not just a time of celebrating for us, but for our prayer warriors as well! One of my showers in North Texas consisted of many of my friends and church family who had walked through my divorce with me so painfully not that many years ago. What a celebration that was for all of us to shed some happy tears for a change! It is so good to celebrate with people who have prayed and cried tears alongside us at other times in our lives. It is victory for them as well as us, and a testimony of God's faithfulness, plans and timing. I know this child already has a strong support system around him as we enter this next phase of life. As we await his arrival in the next few days, I feel God is so thick in our lives, but I still don't think the reality of the situation has hit us yet!
God truly has brought me more than I could every have imagined 5 years ago....a wonderful, loving husband, step-son and now a child? I would've laughed I'm sure if someone had of prophesied that over me back then! And on top of all of that, God paved a way for me to sell a business and a house, start a new career in a new location, and build our dream home in the process. That is what I call a good and faithful God. We are so blessed that He has poured out such favor on us. Why do we doubt His goodness???
I wanted to share our journey because I know so many struggle with infertility. I think as a Christian, it is probably one of the hardest battles a couple has to go through. It can be so devastating and so disheartening, especially in a world full of bouncing, beautiful babies! I pray for those that struggle in this area to cling to your faith in the dark days and believe that God does have a plan and He will bring it forth at the perfect time.
When I went through my divorce, my pastor told me that God was going to bring good into my life in due time as long as I stayed faithful and obedient. Might not be today, might not be next year, but in time, He would work all my pain for the good so my life would not resemble anything in the future like it did in that moment. I now realize how prophetic those words were at the time, although I couldn't really receive them back then but they did stick with me and give me hope in some dark times. Do you know that 4 years ago on Memorial Day, I was having final divorce papers delivered to me and this year on Memorial Day, I'm expecting my first child?! No one can deny God is in the healing, restoring and resurrecting business still today!!! So, that's my other prayer for those who are divorced, single, or in dead end marriages...hang on to God and let Him be your everything. Give Him time and trust in His plan for you because there is one and I assure you it is GREAT. Look at me! My life was a wreck 5 short years ago and God took every broken piece and fit it back together into an even better picture than before. When the time is right....He won't delay!
Habakkuk 2:3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it may linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay!
We thank you for the love, prayers and support on this journey!
JOY
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
We are Having a Baby! Part 1: Infertility and Loss
As I sit here typing this blog, I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of our son, who is due to come into this world in less than a week (wishfully hoping sooner!). In the waiting, I have been reflecting on the amazing journey God has taken me on in the past year, and I now feel it is the right time to share the journey with others. Part of why I haven't shared it yet is it is painful to relive some of the hurts that have occurred in the past year. I have learned that sharing my journey often helps someone else cope with theirs, and it is for this reason I open our story to others. (This will be a two part blog because there's just too much to put into one post)
Most people who know me are aware that I have never had any children of my own. I have an amazing step-son who is graduating from high school in June, so I have had the privilege of being a part of his life for the last few years, but I have never had to worry with late night feedings and diaper changes! When I went through my divorce, I was 34 years old. I had previously said I needed to make up my mind about having a child by the time I was 35, but little did I know, I would be very single at 35 years of age! That wasn't part of my plan of course, and God had never laid that desire on my heart that I should pursue being a mom in my first marriage. I never understood why but I was not the kind to just forge ahead because "that's what you do". Life and a career kept me busy and I always held it out there as one of those things I could do later in life if the desire hit me. Over time, I've come to realize that it was a very real protection plan God worked out for me behind the scenes, and I am so very grateful that for some reason, I listened and didn't try to make a family "just because everyone's doing it". Rumors abounded for years that I didn't like kids, I didn't want a family, or I was too cold and just not the "mom type" but a career woman instead. I guess that's how you get labeled when you are career-oriented and childless in your mid 30's. It never was my heart's desire and so I never pushed the issue. Even after I was divorced, I was fine with being single with no kids, and I figured that ship had sailed for me. I mean, what are the odds I would meet someone, have the trust and courage to get remarried and have a child by the time I was 40? Those odds would be pretty dim by Vegas standards! During my time as a single woman, God impressed upon me that I would marry and I would have a family in the future so I knew it wasn't impossible, but I also didn't sit around waiting for it to happen either. I was open to the idea but I wasn't hanging all my hopes and dreams on it by any means!
Fast forward to when Rex and I began to seriously date...one of the first things he shared with me was that he had a vasectomy when he was in his late 20's (no that's not an awkward thing to bring up at all in a new dating relationship!). He knew I didn't have children and he knew that might be a deal breaker for me if this relationship was to go any farther. I respected his honesty, but obviously, it didn't bother me too bad! To me, I just felt like if God's promises were true, then He would move any mountains that needed to be moved at the right time. I also considered that by having Rex and a step-son as part of a ready made family, maybe that was what God intended as far as His promises to me (don't you just love how you can reason and try to make God's impossible ideas make sense in your head and rationalize them?!) I had already wrapped my mind around not having children, so it wasn't a major concern to me. But then...as only God can do, the relationship got deeper and more serious and we became engaged and then married. Now, having a child with Rex was all I could think about! Of course we talked about it and prayed about it and we both got excited about the possibility, but we knew there would be a steep, uphill road ahead of us. To Rex's credit, from day one, he was the one very willing to have a reversal surgery performed to make this happen. That's a big sacrifice if you ask me! We didn't want to rush into having a child immediately and we wanted to enjoy being married, but at the same time, there was a very loud biological clock ticking away!
We finally consulted a doctor when we felt the time was right, and it was a total disaster. Neither of us realized that his procedure had been done 13 years prior and the odds for a successful surgery diminish with each passing year...especially after 10 years! As we sat in that doctor's office and he told us this news as gently as he could, he turned to me and asked me if I had any children, to which I replied no. He just looked at me in a very pitiful and pathetic way and told me that the odds were less than 20% that even with a reversal, we could conceive a child. What a blow to our hopes and dreams. Being a veterinarian, I understand science and statistics and have a very analytical mind. I knew this was about the worst news we could receive. In that moment, I was really broken and I felt very deceived by God. Why would he put such a strong desire in both our hearts just to let us down? I felt like that was very cruel after all we had both been through. I bought into every lie the enemy threw my way, hook, line and sinker. It was a very depressing and difficult time for me, and of course Rex felt terrible. He's very much a non-selfish provider, so someone telling him he can't do the one thing his wife desperately wants was a blow to him as well. I wrestled and struggled with the issue for awhile, and thankfully many people told us to get a second opinion so we never did schedule the surgery.
A few months went by and I had an appointment with my doctor and discussed the issue with him. He recommended going to a specialist in Frisco who dealt with only reversals. I left his office with a little glimmer of hope. About 6 months after the first consult, we nervously consulted with the new doctor. He was so encouraging and his stats were WAY better than the first doctor. This was all he did and he had literally down several thousand (including ones other doctors had botched), so he had the data to back up his numbers. On his website, he had pictures of 60+ year old men (who had reversals 20+ years ago) with new "younger" wives holding newborn babies...I figured if he could do it for them, then we were an easy case! We scheduled the surgery and with a lot of prayer, hope and anticipation, the day finally arrived. To say Rex was nervous is an understatement, but I give him a lot of credit that he never wanted to back out. It was a very delicate, 3 hour surgery but it appeared to be successful and once again, the doctor gave us an infusion of hope. The doctor cautioned us that it could still take 6-12 months before we could conceive but he felt positive that it would happen for us. We were elated (well Rex was after he was all healed up)! The next 4 months were up and down because at some of the rechecks, we did not receive good news. That was discouraging and easy for me to slip back into the depression mode. I prayed lots of prayers during this time and reminded God of His promises to us! It was a tough year for us as a couple, but it did grow us much closer going through the adversity together. You realize how badly you want something when someone tells you it might not happen!
About 4 months after the surgery, we were out of town on a trip and I started feeling sick. I didn't think much of it at first until on the first night, I woke up, sat straight up in the bed in the middle of the night thinking "I'm pregnant". I didn't sleep a wink wondering if this was what it would feel like to be pregnant? I consulted Dr. Google and I had most of the signs and symptoms of an early pregnancy. I didn't say anything to Rex for another day not wanting to jinx things but finally, I 'fessed up my suspicions. We both thought the timing wasn't even possible, but we were just curious enough to stop at Walgreen's and go buy a pregnancy test! I took the test in their bathroom and came back to the car and as we drove, two lines popped up meaning "YES YOU ARE PREGNANT!" Rex almost ran off the road when I showed him the test! We were so excited and elated and just in shock! Even the doctor didn't predict this could happen so soon! Rex made me take about 10 more tests over the next few days and yep, they were all positive. I finally scheduled an appointment with the doctor and he confirmed it as well. The first time we saw the ultrasound and the heartbeat, we felt like we had won a major victory! All babies are miracles, but ours was a miracle against so many odds! Since I had nothing to compare to in my past, I didn't know if this felt like a normal pregnancy or not, but I did have a little check in my excitement compared to Rex. He was on cloud nine and I was a bit more reserved, not wanting to tell people quite yet. We waited till I was about 9 weeks along and then told our families and some close friends. Most didn't even know Rex had the surgery, so they were really shocked!
However, the next week I started having some minor complications. I went to the doctor, very worried, but he did an ultrasound and said everything was fine and at this point, less than 1% end in miscarriage. I went home feeling better. Within two days, I ended up in the emergency room hemorrhaging profusely and I lost the baby. As I sat there and stared at this tiny 10 &1/2 week old life, I was more devastated than I ever had been before. I can't even type these words without grieving and crying and it's been over a year now. I was in so much pain physically and emotionally that I was a zombie. I remember that ride home from the hospital feeling so empty, so defeated and just so drained. It literally felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. Rex was grieving as well, but he was more worried about my emotional state than anything else. So many people go through miscarriages at many stages of pregnancy, some much farther along than I was, and I know it is always a horrific experience. But this one felt even worse (because it was happening to me!) because of all the hurdles and ups and downs we had been through to just get to this point. There were so many people praying for us during this time of loss, and I know now that's why we were supposed to tell people our news in the first place. If we had to go through that loss without the faithful prayers of others, we would have been so much worse off. It was a season where at times, praying a solid prayer for yourself was very difficult. We felt the love and support of faithful believers and we are so grateful for each person that lifted us up in prayer.
When I was going through my divorce, I never once got angry at God. I may have questioned and wondered why, but I never turned my back or blamed Him. But this time, I was mad. I could not understand why God would set us both up for such a devastating blow. He knew how delicate we were and how tough this had been on us...it just didn't seem fair! The one thing that got me through was our faith that God just knows best. Period. He had protected us and sheltered us and brought us so far, so we couldn't believe any lies that He would let us down intentionally now. It was a sheer test of faith and we both clung to our faith that God was in control. We now at least knew that we could conceive, so there was one positive to the situation! We had to press onwards and not be afraid to try again.
As only God can orchestrate, the day we drove home from the doctor's office with him confirming that yes, we had miscarried, was the same exact day they started framing up our new home. We drove to the construction site, and even though I was very numb emotionally, it was a great distraction. The next 4 months were a whirl wind of activity with the construction process and making decisions on everything from paint to toilets! It kept us both busy and meanwhile, allowed healing to occur. Once again, we pulled through a tough time together and our marriage was stronger for it. Every marriage goes through it's rocky times, and it was very soothing to my soul to know that my husband was there for me in not just the good times, but in the very dark days as well. I know God used this time to renew our strength and souls for the next step of our journey.
Isaiah 40:28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of he earth. He will NOT grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who HOPE in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.
Part 2 is much happier I promise...!
JOY
Most people who know me are aware that I have never had any children of my own. I have an amazing step-son who is graduating from high school in June, so I have had the privilege of being a part of his life for the last few years, but I have never had to worry with late night feedings and diaper changes! When I went through my divorce, I was 34 years old. I had previously said I needed to make up my mind about having a child by the time I was 35, but little did I know, I would be very single at 35 years of age! That wasn't part of my plan of course, and God had never laid that desire on my heart that I should pursue being a mom in my first marriage. I never understood why but I was not the kind to just forge ahead because "that's what you do". Life and a career kept me busy and I always held it out there as one of those things I could do later in life if the desire hit me. Over time, I've come to realize that it was a very real protection plan God worked out for me behind the scenes, and I am so very grateful that for some reason, I listened and didn't try to make a family "just because everyone's doing it". Rumors abounded for years that I didn't like kids, I didn't want a family, or I was too cold and just not the "mom type" but a career woman instead. I guess that's how you get labeled when you are career-oriented and childless in your mid 30's. It never was my heart's desire and so I never pushed the issue. Even after I was divorced, I was fine with being single with no kids, and I figured that ship had sailed for me. I mean, what are the odds I would meet someone, have the trust and courage to get remarried and have a child by the time I was 40? Those odds would be pretty dim by Vegas standards! During my time as a single woman, God impressed upon me that I would marry and I would have a family in the future so I knew it wasn't impossible, but I also didn't sit around waiting for it to happen either. I was open to the idea but I wasn't hanging all my hopes and dreams on it by any means!
Fast forward to when Rex and I began to seriously date...one of the first things he shared with me was that he had a vasectomy when he was in his late 20's (no that's not an awkward thing to bring up at all in a new dating relationship!). He knew I didn't have children and he knew that might be a deal breaker for me if this relationship was to go any farther. I respected his honesty, but obviously, it didn't bother me too bad! To me, I just felt like if God's promises were true, then He would move any mountains that needed to be moved at the right time. I also considered that by having Rex and a step-son as part of a ready made family, maybe that was what God intended as far as His promises to me (don't you just love how you can reason and try to make God's impossible ideas make sense in your head and rationalize them?!) I had already wrapped my mind around not having children, so it wasn't a major concern to me. But then...as only God can do, the relationship got deeper and more serious and we became engaged and then married. Now, having a child with Rex was all I could think about! Of course we talked about it and prayed about it and we both got excited about the possibility, but we knew there would be a steep, uphill road ahead of us. To Rex's credit, from day one, he was the one very willing to have a reversal surgery performed to make this happen. That's a big sacrifice if you ask me! We didn't want to rush into having a child immediately and we wanted to enjoy being married, but at the same time, there was a very loud biological clock ticking away!
We finally consulted a doctor when we felt the time was right, and it was a total disaster. Neither of us realized that his procedure had been done 13 years prior and the odds for a successful surgery diminish with each passing year...especially after 10 years! As we sat in that doctor's office and he told us this news as gently as he could, he turned to me and asked me if I had any children, to which I replied no. He just looked at me in a very pitiful and pathetic way and told me that the odds were less than 20% that even with a reversal, we could conceive a child. What a blow to our hopes and dreams. Being a veterinarian, I understand science and statistics and have a very analytical mind. I knew this was about the worst news we could receive. In that moment, I was really broken and I felt very deceived by God. Why would he put such a strong desire in both our hearts just to let us down? I felt like that was very cruel after all we had both been through. I bought into every lie the enemy threw my way, hook, line and sinker. It was a very depressing and difficult time for me, and of course Rex felt terrible. He's very much a non-selfish provider, so someone telling him he can't do the one thing his wife desperately wants was a blow to him as well. I wrestled and struggled with the issue for awhile, and thankfully many people told us to get a second opinion so we never did schedule the surgery.
A few months went by and I had an appointment with my doctor and discussed the issue with him. He recommended going to a specialist in Frisco who dealt with only reversals. I left his office with a little glimmer of hope. About 6 months after the first consult, we nervously consulted with the new doctor. He was so encouraging and his stats were WAY better than the first doctor. This was all he did and he had literally down several thousand (including ones other doctors had botched), so he had the data to back up his numbers. On his website, he had pictures of 60+ year old men (who had reversals 20+ years ago) with new "younger" wives holding newborn babies...I figured if he could do it for them, then we were an easy case! We scheduled the surgery and with a lot of prayer, hope and anticipation, the day finally arrived. To say Rex was nervous is an understatement, but I give him a lot of credit that he never wanted to back out. It was a very delicate, 3 hour surgery but it appeared to be successful and once again, the doctor gave us an infusion of hope. The doctor cautioned us that it could still take 6-12 months before we could conceive but he felt positive that it would happen for us. We were elated (well Rex was after he was all healed up)! The next 4 months were up and down because at some of the rechecks, we did not receive good news. That was discouraging and easy for me to slip back into the depression mode. I prayed lots of prayers during this time and reminded God of His promises to us! It was a tough year for us as a couple, but it did grow us much closer going through the adversity together. You realize how badly you want something when someone tells you it might not happen!
About 4 months after the surgery, we were out of town on a trip and I started feeling sick. I didn't think much of it at first until on the first night, I woke up, sat straight up in the bed in the middle of the night thinking "I'm pregnant". I didn't sleep a wink wondering if this was what it would feel like to be pregnant? I consulted Dr. Google and I had most of the signs and symptoms of an early pregnancy. I didn't say anything to Rex for another day not wanting to jinx things but finally, I 'fessed up my suspicions. We both thought the timing wasn't even possible, but we were just curious enough to stop at Walgreen's and go buy a pregnancy test! I took the test in their bathroom and came back to the car and as we drove, two lines popped up meaning "YES YOU ARE PREGNANT!" Rex almost ran off the road when I showed him the test! We were so excited and elated and just in shock! Even the doctor didn't predict this could happen so soon! Rex made me take about 10 more tests over the next few days and yep, they were all positive. I finally scheduled an appointment with the doctor and he confirmed it as well. The first time we saw the ultrasound and the heartbeat, we felt like we had won a major victory! All babies are miracles, but ours was a miracle against so many odds! Since I had nothing to compare to in my past, I didn't know if this felt like a normal pregnancy or not, but I did have a little check in my excitement compared to Rex. He was on cloud nine and I was a bit more reserved, not wanting to tell people quite yet. We waited till I was about 9 weeks along and then told our families and some close friends. Most didn't even know Rex had the surgery, so they were really shocked!
However, the next week I started having some minor complications. I went to the doctor, very worried, but he did an ultrasound and said everything was fine and at this point, less than 1% end in miscarriage. I went home feeling better. Within two days, I ended up in the emergency room hemorrhaging profusely and I lost the baby. As I sat there and stared at this tiny 10 &1/2 week old life, I was more devastated than I ever had been before. I can't even type these words without grieving and crying and it's been over a year now. I was in so much pain physically and emotionally that I was a zombie. I remember that ride home from the hospital feeling so empty, so defeated and just so drained. It literally felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. Rex was grieving as well, but he was more worried about my emotional state than anything else. So many people go through miscarriages at many stages of pregnancy, some much farther along than I was, and I know it is always a horrific experience. But this one felt even worse (because it was happening to me!) because of all the hurdles and ups and downs we had been through to just get to this point. There were so many people praying for us during this time of loss, and I know now that's why we were supposed to tell people our news in the first place. If we had to go through that loss without the faithful prayers of others, we would have been so much worse off. It was a season where at times, praying a solid prayer for yourself was very difficult. We felt the love and support of faithful believers and we are so grateful for each person that lifted us up in prayer.
When I was going through my divorce, I never once got angry at God. I may have questioned and wondered why, but I never turned my back or blamed Him. But this time, I was mad. I could not understand why God would set us both up for such a devastating blow. He knew how delicate we were and how tough this had been on us...it just didn't seem fair! The one thing that got me through was our faith that God just knows best. Period. He had protected us and sheltered us and brought us so far, so we couldn't believe any lies that He would let us down intentionally now. It was a sheer test of faith and we both clung to our faith that God was in control. We now at least knew that we could conceive, so there was one positive to the situation! We had to press onwards and not be afraid to try again.
As only God can orchestrate, the day we drove home from the doctor's office with him confirming that yes, we had miscarried, was the same exact day they started framing up our new home. We drove to the construction site, and even though I was very numb emotionally, it was a great distraction. The next 4 months were a whirl wind of activity with the construction process and making decisions on everything from paint to toilets! It kept us both busy and meanwhile, allowed healing to occur. Once again, we pulled through a tough time together and our marriage was stronger for it. Every marriage goes through it's rocky times, and it was very soothing to my soul to know that my husband was there for me in not just the good times, but in the very dark days as well. I know God used this time to renew our strength and souls for the next step of our journey.
Isaiah 40:28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of he earth. He will NOT grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who HOPE in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.
Part 2 is much happier I promise...!
JOY
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Maybe the Mayans Weren't Wrong After All
Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland
On December 21, 2012 the Mayan calendar stopped. Supposedley, this meant the end of the world was going to be on that day, as there could be no other reason for the missing future dates. People were abuzz about "the last day"...and then, we all woke up December 22nd in the same world of the days prior. Go figure.
But for me, on December 21st, it was the end of a world. You see, on that day, I finally sold my old home in Ponder. Signed, sealed and delivered...it is finished. Hallelujah! That was the last existing tangible piece of my past that was still in place. With the sale, the entire book of my past was firmly nailed closed. I cannot begin to tell you what a wonderful feeling that was for me! The burden and stress of owning a home two hours away, as well as the financial strains, continued to keep me tied to a past that I had moved on from in every other way. I felt a hundred pounds lighter and I even did the happy dance when I got the news it was over! Now, my roots are firmly planted in the "Promise Land" of East Texas and my life couldn't get any sweeter.
When I last blogged, I spoke of the "best week ever" and God doing big mountain-moving things. The house sale was one of those BIG things. The buyers had appeared literally out of no where when we had all but given up on a sale this calendar year. We had set our sights on spring time when the market was better for real estate sales. But God said different. Within a 24 hour period, we had a contract when no one had even looked at the house for some time. Even our realtor was in shock! Rex and I both had felt God saying the house would sell by the end of the year, but that had been looking pretty bleak. And after that "best week ever" came the WORST week ever...the house for sale flooded and we were afraid the whole deal would be off; We had a colt die in a freak accident; Packages were lost for family's Christmas presents; We had to deal with insurance adjustors, realtors and upset buyers all while replacing floors in a flooded house (which pushed our closing date back); And being very sick and run down for almost the whole month of December...just to name a few gut-wrenching, faith-crushing blows and nusiances. Talk about tests alongside fiery darts from the enemy! We were crying MERCY! But as God always does, He showed up in the middle of the trials and moved us steadily to the end point. Every single item was remedied in a few weeks, but those few weeks were NOT a fun time at the Neely house. His timing is ALWAYS right on time, every time.
God had promised my business and my home would sell by the end of the year and He was faithful and true to those promises! 2012 was a Big Year for our family! Selling both in this economy was nothing short of a miracle. Because of all the trials along the way, I believe we were much more thankful once the end was reached than if everything had been easy breezy. It is faith-building to know we are right where God wants us and the process of it all grew us closer together as a couple. Now, we are able to move into 2013 and start a NEW book and move forward into the next chapter God is writing for us. How sweet is that?!
So for me, I'm glad the Mayans were a little bit right, at least for me. Looing forward to NEW things in 2013!
Blessings to you all in 2013! Let's all live God's BEST for our lives this year!
JOY
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Enter His Gates With Thanksgiving!
In the past month, God has really laid one word on my heart and mind. That one simple little word would be "THANKFUL". As we celebrated our first year anniversary on October 22, God began speaking this word to me over and over again until it has saturated my life. Our first year of marriage has literally flown by and been a bit hectic, to say the least, but God has been so good and faithful to us in every situation. There is NO denying His guiding hand on our lives and on our marriage. So, as we kicked off year two of marriage, I was so very humbled with thanks. We know we are blessed and where our blessings have come from, but it is yet another thing to really and truly be thankful for those blessings. That thankful heart and awakening has continued to change my attitude and shift my perspective over the past thirty days. I believe that mindset has had a big part in unlocking God's blessings and favor into our lives.
The first week of this month, God did some BIG things in our life. Many prayers we have been praying for months were all answered at once. Big, huge and looming mountains were moved in a single day. I think that one day, we will look back and we will say this particular week in November is when God changed everything in our lives and marriage. For our good and for HIS good. I don't believe in coincidences. I know it was all God and I know that He made sure we knew it was Him as well! By being thankful in advance and praising Him even when our prayers hadn't been answered yet, we unlocked the doors of His favor and blessings. Instead of praying in desperation or frustration, we began to pray in thanks and anticipation. Big difference!
That week of mountains-being-moved, I was just so giddy in my spirit that it took me a few days to realize another deeper meaning that I had originally missed with all the excitement and "You Go God" moments. When I finally slowed down to look at a calendar, I was taken aback by the date. November three years ago was a very painful time in my life (that's an understatement!). And particularly, the first weekend in November because that was when my whole world got turned upside down. All of a sudden, I went from being married with a 10 year plan to eventually divorced with not even a 10 minute plan. You don't forget those life-changing moments. But, isn't it just like God to take away a memory of the very worst time of your life and replace it with a life-altering happy miracle? Talk about redeeming the past...! God truly can make the slate 100% clean in every way. Only God!!!
Both Novembers in my life, I was brought to my knees by my situation. Only this time, it was in praise and thanksgiving! Tears being shed this time for how good God has been to me and how He alone has restored in abundance all I lost in the past. Not only did He restore...He made it WAY better. Three years ago, I hoped for that but honestly, just couldn't fathom how He would, could or even should do what He promised; but I held on to that small mustard seed of faith and sat back and let Him work. He had such a greater plan than I could have ever dared to ask for or imagine, just as His Word says. I read and prayed that verse so many times for encouragement that there is probably a hole in my Bible on that page! But when you finally live it and see His hand on you and the fruition of His promise come to life, well that's faith building to say the least! All the things in the past that I thought were over and done with, I'm learning that God is having the final say and He's saying the best is yet to come!
This Thanksgiving, we as a family will give thanks for so many things! We are excited about what God will do in this next season of our lives and we wait in hopeful anticipation for His plans to continue to unfold in our lives. We serve an awesome God!
Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless from the Neely Family,
JOY
The first week of this month, God did some BIG things in our life. Many prayers we have been praying for months were all answered at once. Big, huge and looming mountains were moved in a single day. I think that one day, we will look back and we will say this particular week in November is when God changed everything in our lives and marriage. For our good and for HIS good. I don't believe in coincidences. I know it was all God and I know that He made sure we knew it was Him as well! By being thankful in advance and praising Him even when our prayers hadn't been answered yet, we unlocked the doors of His favor and blessings. Instead of praying in desperation or frustration, we began to pray in thanks and anticipation. Big difference!
That week of mountains-being-moved, I was just so giddy in my spirit that it took me a few days to realize another deeper meaning that I had originally missed with all the excitement and "You Go God" moments. When I finally slowed down to look at a calendar, I was taken aback by the date. November three years ago was a very painful time in my life (that's an understatement!). And particularly, the first weekend in November because that was when my whole world got turned upside down. All of a sudden, I went from being married with a 10 year plan to eventually divorced with not even a 10 minute plan. You don't forget those life-changing moments. But, isn't it just like God to take away a memory of the very worst time of your life and replace it with a life-altering happy miracle? Talk about redeeming the past...! God truly can make the slate 100% clean in every way. Only God!!!
Both Novembers in my life, I was brought to my knees by my situation. Only this time, it was in praise and thanksgiving! Tears being shed this time for how good God has been to me and how He alone has restored in abundance all I lost in the past. Not only did He restore...He made it WAY better. Three years ago, I hoped for that but honestly, just couldn't fathom how He would, could or even should do what He promised; but I held on to that small mustard seed of faith and sat back and let Him work. He had such a greater plan than I could have ever dared to ask for or imagine, just as His Word says. I read and prayed that verse so many times for encouragement that there is probably a hole in my Bible on that page! But when you finally live it and see His hand on you and the fruition of His promise come to life, well that's faith building to say the least! All the things in the past that I thought were over and done with, I'm learning that God is having the final say and He's saying the best is yet to come!
This Thanksgiving, we as a family will give thanks for so many things! We are excited about what God will do in this next season of our lives and we wait in hopeful anticipation for His plans to continue to unfold in our lives. We serve an awesome God!
Psalm 100:4
Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to HIM and praise His Name.
Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless from the Neely Family,
JOY
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