The year of 2013 had its ups and downs, but when we moved into our new house on August 15th, we finally felt "home". This was OUR place that we had designed and we were now settled. Sure, there were (and are) plenty of projects to complete, but it was a final merging of our two lives. We had a tough year of loss, but God gave us something to celebrate in the midst of our pain. The celebration was short lived when we had to move an entire house in August...in Texas! And not only was there a household of things to move, we also had a storage building full of my furniture, as well as a barn and a shop and several horses to move as well. The next few weeks were pretty exhausting but rewarding to see more of our "stuff" here at the new place and less at the old place.
Right after Labor Day, we went to New Orleans for a veterinary conference and a little bit of R & R after an exhausting few weeks of work. Once again, while I was on the trip, I started having horrible heartburn (which I never have) and feeling nauseous, and no, I wasn't drinking Hurricanes! It had only been about four months since I had miscarried and every month in between I would get my hopes up, just to be let down for another month. So, when I started feeling the symptoms of pregnancy again, I squelched the thought for a few days. We were eating at an Emeril restaurant one night, and I had a glass of wine that normally I would have loved and savored. This time, I couldn't choke it down. It tasted like motor oil! I now knew I was either dying or pregnant but something was really wrong. I finally told Rex my fears/hopes but this time, we just could not get too excited. Our emotions were too fragile and raw. We chewed on the thought for the rest of the trip because it would have been very early in the pregnancy and too soon to take a test. By the time we got home, curiosity was killing me so I finally took a test. Sure enough, BAM...I was pregnant! I was in shock yet again. You know all the stories you hear about people who have these nice surprise celebration dinners for the husband to announce they are pregnant? Well I am NOT one of those people! Rex was getting ready for work so I just casually left the test lying by his sink in the bathroom and I got back into bed. A few minutes passed and he comes busting into the bedroom asking "what does this mean"?! Of course, we were both incredulous and giddy but scared to death as well. This time, the roles were reversed and Rex was much more reserved and I felt more confident. Once again, the impossible had become possible, especially considering the first doctor had told us we only had a 20% chance of conception. Now we had conceived twice in less than a year's time! As much as we want to hang on to statistics and numbers, we should ultimately know that only God has the final say in these matters.
By the time I went to the doctor, my levels were sky high (to the point they thought it could be twins!). Every test, every ultrasound, every check up, I met the marks or excelled past them, whereas before, I was always a bit behind average. Looking back after having a healthy and normal pregnancy, I realize the first one was pretty weak. I also know now that the little check in my spirit where I had that worry I couldn't shake was God's way of readying me and trying to let me down easy. During the time frame after my miscarriage, my daily prayer had been "don't let me get pregnant again if it won't be a viable, long term pregnancy AND let this pregnancy be way different than the first one". Thank the Lord He answered both of those prayers, which gave me the confidence almost from day 1 that this baby was healthy as well as having security in God's promises. Rex couldn't really get excited until after the 12 week mark because he was so concerned if something happened, how I would take it. He had seen me grieve and feel such loss, and he couldn't bear for me to go there again. I, however, mentally felt very positive (physically I wanted to puke but hey, they said that was a sign of a healthy pregnancy so I was trying to be happy about that) and I was so blessed I didn't have to live this pregnancy in fear because God showed me early on that He was most definitely in control. I didn't want the enemy to steal my joy over such an amazing time in our lives!
We found out that we were having a boy right before Christmas, and then the real planning began! Picking a name is so very difficult, especially for a boy, because how do you look at a little baby and a grown man and have a name that fits both stages of life? We narrowed it down to two names, which we both liked, but one of us liked the other better. I finally had the bright idea to flip for the name---best 2 out of 3---because honestly, Rex always loses at these things! Well, for once, he won every flip and he was so elated until I busted out crying. Call it pregnancy hormones or the fact that deep down I really wanted that name! As he says, that ruined it for him, so in the end I won anyways by default (who can argue with a crying pregnant woman?!). So, Baby Neely finally had a name of Luke. I wanted a Biblical name and Luke means "he who brings light". I feel that fits this child perfectly. He has not even seen the outside world yet, but he's already brought so much light and joy to our families. I also feel that this child is God's light showing up through our past experiences in a special way. We pray that he will be a mighty warrior for the Kingdom in his future and he will continue to let that light shine bright. I've always been reminded when things get turned upside down and the world/evil seems to be flourishing, that the light will eventually outshine the darkness, and once again, this is a testimony of that truth.
So here I am, 38 and 1/2 years old and finally experiencing pregnancy for the first time. How crazy is that? Every little kick and hiccup has been a delight and just a miracle from God. It hasn't been easy but I'm glad I didn't go my whole life without experiencing this God send! Other than just conceiving, there have been so many prayers answered during this near 10 month journey (actually I feel like I've been pregnant for over a year considering the two pregnancies were so close together). We know it is not just a time of celebrating for us, but for our prayer warriors as well! One of my showers in North Texas consisted of many of my friends and church family who had walked through my divorce with me so painfully not that many years ago. What a celebration that was for all of us to shed some happy tears for a change! It is so good to celebrate with people who have prayed and cried tears alongside us at other times in our lives. It is victory for them as well as us, and a testimony of God's faithfulness, plans and timing. I know this child already has a strong support system around him as we enter this next phase of life. As we await his arrival in the next few days, I feel God is so thick in our lives, but I still don't think the reality of the situation has hit us yet!
God truly has brought me more than I could every have imagined 5 years ago....a wonderful, loving husband, step-son and now a child? I would've laughed I'm sure if someone had of prophesied that over me back then! And on top of all of that, God paved a way for me to sell a business and a house, start a new career in a new location, and build our dream home in the process. That is what I call a good and faithful God. We are so blessed that He has poured out such favor on us. Why do we doubt His goodness???
I wanted to share our journey because I know so many struggle with infertility. I think as a Christian, it is probably one of the hardest battles a couple has to go through. It can be so devastating and so disheartening, especially in a world full of bouncing, beautiful babies! I pray for those that struggle in this area to cling to your faith in the dark days and believe that God does have a plan and He will bring it forth at the perfect time.
When I went through my divorce, my pastor told me that God was going to bring good into my life in due time as long as I stayed faithful and obedient. Might not be today, might not be next year, but in time, He would work all my pain for the good so my life would not resemble anything in the future like it did in that moment. I now realize how prophetic those words were at the time, although I couldn't really receive them back then but they did stick with me and give me hope in some dark times. Do you know that 4 years ago on Memorial Day, I was having final divorce papers delivered to me and this year on Memorial Day, I'm expecting my first child?! No one can deny God is in the healing, restoring and resurrecting business still today!!! So, that's my other prayer for those who are divorced, single, or in dead end marriages...hang on to God and let Him be your everything. Give Him time and trust in His plan for you because there is one and I assure you it is GREAT. Look at me! My life was a wreck 5 short years ago and God took every broken piece and fit it back together into an even better picture than before. When the time is right....He won't delay!
Habakkuk 2:3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it may linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay!
We thank you for the love, prayers and support on this journey!
JOY
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
We are Having a Baby! Part 1: Infertility and Loss
As I sit here typing this blog, I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of our son, who is due to come into this world in less than a week (wishfully hoping sooner!). In the waiting, I have been reflecting on the amazing journey God has taken me on in the past year, and I now feel it is the right time to share the journey with others. Part of why I haven't shared it yet is it is painful to relive some of the hurts that have occurred in the past year. I have learned that sharing my journey often helps someone else cope with theirs, and it is for this reason I open our story to others. (This will be a two part blog because there's just too much to put into one post)
Most people who know me are aware that I have never had any children of my own. I have an amazing step-son who is graduating from high school in June, so I have had the privilege of being a part of his life for the last few years, but I have never had to worry with late night feedings and diaper changes! When I went through my divorce, I was 34 years old. I had previously said I needed to make up my mind about having a child by the time I was 35, but little did I know, I would be very single at 35 years of age! That wasn't part of my plan of course, and God had never laid that desire on my heart that I should pursue being a mom in my first marriage. I never understood why but I was not the kind to just forge ahead because "that's what you do". Life and a career kept me busy and I always held it out there as one of those things I could do later in life if the desire hit me. Over time, I've come to realize that it was a very real protection plan God worked out for me behind the scenes, and I am so very grateful that for some reason, I listened and didn't try to make a family "just because everyone's doing it". Rumors abounded for years that I didn't like kids, I didn't want a family, or I was too cold and just not the "mom type" but a career woman instead. I guess that's how you get labeled when you are career-oriented and childless in your mid 30's. It never was my heart's desire and so I never pushed the issue. Even after I was divorced, I was fine with being single with no kids, and I figured that ship had sailed for me. I mean, what are the odds I would meet someone, have the trust and courage to get remarried and have a child by the time I was 40? Those odds would be pretty dim by Vegas standards! During my time as a single woman, God impressed upon me that I would marry and I would have a family in the future so I knew it wasn't impossible, but I also didn't sit around waiting for it to happen either. I was open to the idea but I wasn't hanging all my hopes and dreams on it by any means!
Fast forward to when Rex and I began to seriously date...one of the first things he shared with me was that he had a vasectomy when he was in his late 20's (no that's not an awkward thing to bring up at all in a new dating relationship!). He knew I didn't have children and he knew that might be a deal breaker for me if this relationship was to go any farther. I respected his honesty, but obviously, it didn't bother me too bad! To me, I just felt like if God's promises were true, then He would move any mountains that needed to be moved at the right time. I also considered that by having Rex and a step-son as part of a ready made family, maybe that was what God intended as far as His promises to me (don't you just love how you can reason and try to make God's impossible ideas make sense in your head and rationalize them?!) I had already wrapped my mind around not having children, so it wasn't a major concern to me. But then...as only God can do, the relationship got deeper and more serious and we became engaged and then married. Now, having a child with Rex was all I could think about! Of course we talked about it and prayed about it and we both got excited about the possibility, but we knew there would be a steep, uphill road ahead of us. To Rex's credit, from day one, he was the one very willing to have a reversal surgery performed to make this happen. That's a big sacrifice if you ask me! We didn't want to rush into having a child immediately and we wanted to enjoy being married, but at the same time, there was a very loud biological clock ticking away!
We finally consulted a doctor when we felt the time was right, and it was a total disaster. Neither of us realized that his procedure had been done 13 years prior and the odds for a successful surgery diminish with each passing year...especially after 10 years! As we sat in that doctor's office and he told us this news as gently as he could, he turned to me and asked me if I had any children, to which I replied no. He just looked at me in a very pitiful and pathetic way and told me that the odds were less than 20% that even with a reversal, we could conceive a child. What a blow to our hopes and dreams. Being a veterinarian, I understand science and statistics and have a very analytical mind. I knew this was about the worst news we could receive. In that moment, I was really broken and I felt very deceived by God. Why would he put such a strong desire in both our hearts just to let us down? I felt like that was very cruel after all we had both been through. I bought into every lie the enemy threw my way, hook, line and sinker. It was a very depressing and difficult time for me, and of course Rex felt terrible. He's very much a non-selfish provider, so someone telling him he can't do the one thing his wife desperately wants was a blow to him as well. I wrestled and struggled with the issue for awhile, and thankfully many people told us to get a second opinion so we never did schedule the surgery.
A few months went by and I had an appointment with my doctor and discussed the issue with him. He recommended going to a specialist in Frisco who dealt with only reversals. I left his office with a little glimmer of hope. About 6 months after the first consult, we nervously consulted with the new doctor. He was so encouraging and his stats were WAY better than the first doctor. This was all he did and he had literally down several thousand (including ones other doctors had botched), so he had the data to back up his numbers. On his website, he had pictures of 60+ year old men (who had reversals 20+ years ago) with new "younger" wives holding newborn babies...I figured if he could do it for them, then we were an easy case! We scheduled the surgery and with a lot of prayer, hope and anticipation, the day finally arrived. To say Rex was nervous is an understatement, but I give him a lot of credit that he never wanted to back out. It was a very delicate, 3 hour surgery but it appeared to be successful and once again, the doctor gave us an infusion of hope. The doctor cautioned us that it could still take 6-12 months before we could conceive but he felt positive that it would happen for us. We were elated (well Rex was after he was all healed up)! The next 4 months were up and down because at some of the rechecks, we did not receive good news. That was discouraging and easy for me to slip back into the depression mode. I prayed lots of prayers during this time and reminded God of His promises to us! It was a tough year for us as a couple, but it did grow us much closer going through the adversity together. You realize how badly you want something when someone tells you it might not happen!
About 4 months after the surgery, we were out of town on a trip and I started feeling sick. I didn't think much of it at first until on the first night, I woke up, sat straight up in the bed in the middle of the night thinking "I'm pregnant". I didn't sleep a wink wondering if this was what it would feel like to be pregnant? I consulted Dr. Google and I had most of the signs and symptoms of an early pregnancy. I didn't say anything to Rex for another day not wanting to jinx things but finally, I 'fessed up my suspicions. We both thought the timing wasn't even possible, but we were just curious enough to stop at Walgreen's and go buy a pregnancy test! I took the test in their bathroom and came back to the car and as we drove, two lines popped up meaning "YES YOU ARE PREGNANT!" Rex almost ran off the road when I showed him the test! We were so excited and elated and just in shock! Even the doctor didn't predict this could happen so soon! Rex made me take about 10 more tests over the next few days and yep, they were all positive. I finally scheduled an appointment with the doctor and he confirmed it as well. The first time we saw the ultrasound and the heartbeat, we felt like we had won a major victory! All babies are miracles, but ours was a miracle against so many odds! Since I had nothing to compare to in my past, I didn't know if this felt like a normal pregnancy or not, but I did have a little check in my excitement compared to Rex. He was on cloud nine and I was a bit more reserved, not wanting to tell people quite yet. We waited till I was about 9 weeks along and then told our families and some close friends. Most didn't even know Rex had the surgery, so they were really shocked!
However, the next week I started having some minor complications. I went to the doctor, very worried, but he did an ultrasound and said everything was fine and at this point, less than 1% end in miscarriage. I went home feeling better. Within two days, I ended up in the emergency room hemorrhaging profusely and I lost the baby. As I sat there and stared at this tiny 10 &1/2 week old life, I was more devastated than I ever had been before. I can't even type these words without grieving and crying and it's been over a year now. I was in so much pain physically and emotionally that I was a zombie. I remember that ride home from the hospital feeling so empty, so defeated and just so drained. It literally felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. Rex was grieving as well, but he was more worried about my emotional state than anything else. So many people go through miscarriages at many stages of pregnancy, some much farther along than I was, and I know it is always a horrific experience. But this one felt even worse (because it was happening to me!) because of all the hurdles and ups and downs we had been through to just get to this point. There were so many people praying for us during this time of loss, and I know now that's why we were supposed to tell people our news in the first place. If we had to go through that loss without the faithful prayers of others, we would have been so much worse off. It was a season where at times, praying a solid prayer for yourself was very difficult. We felt the love and support of faithful believers and we are so grateful for each person that lifted us up in prayer.
When I was going through my divorce, I never once got angry at God. I may have questioned and wondered why, but I never turned my back or blamed Him. But this time, I was mad. I could not understand why God would set us both up for such a devastating blow. He knew how delicate we were and how tough this had been on us...it just didn't seem fair! The one thing that got me through was our faith that God just knows best. Period. He had protected us and sheltered us and brought us so far, so we couldn't believe any lies that He would let us down intentionally now. It was a sheer test of faith and we both clung to our faith that God was in control. We now at least knew that we could conceive, so there was one positive to the situation! We had to press onwards and not be afraid to try again.
As only God can orchestrate, the day we drove home from the doctor's office with him confirming that yes, we had miscarried, was the same exact day they started framing up our new home. We drove to the construction site, and even though I was very numb emotionally, it was a great distraction. The next 4 months were a whirl wind of activity with the construction process and making decisions on everything from paint to toilets! It kept us both busy and meanwhile, allowed healing to occur. Once again, we pulled through a tough time together and our marriage was stronger for it. Every marriage goes through it's rocky times, and it was very soothing to my soul to know that my husband was there for me in not just the good times, but in the very dark days as well. I know God used this time to renew our strength and souls for the next step of our journey.
Isaiah 40:28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of he earth. He will NOT grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who HOPE in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.
Part 2 is much happier I promise...!
JOY
Most people who know me are aware that I have never had any children of my own. I have an amazing step-son who is graduating from high school in June, so I have had the privilege of being a part of his life for the last few years, but I have never had to worry with late night feedings and diaper changes! When I went through my divorce, I was 34 years old. I had previously said I needed to make up my mind about having a child by the time I was 35, but little did I know, I would be very single at 35 years of age! That wasn't part of my plan of course, and God had never laid that desire on my heart that I should pursue being a mom in my first marriage. I never understood why but I was not the kind to just forge ahead because "that's what you do". Life and a career kept me busy and I always held it out there as one of those things I could do later in life if the desire hit me. Over time, I've come to realize that it was a very real protection plan God worked out for me behind the scenes, and I am so very grateful that for some reason, I listened and didn't try to make a family "just because everyone's doing it". Rumors abounded for years that I didn't like kids, I didn't want a family, or I was too cold and just not the "mom type" but a career woman instead. I guess that's how you get labeled when you are career-oriented and childless in your mid 30's. It never was my heart's desire and so I never pushed the issue. Even after I was divorced, I was fine with being single with no kids, and I figured that ship had sailed for me. I mean, what are the odds I would meet someone, have the trust and courage to get remarried and have a child by the time I was 40? Those odds would be pretty dim by Vegas standards! During my time as a single woman, God impressed upon me that I would marry and I would have a family in the future so I knew it wasn't impossible, but I also didn't sit around waiting for it to happen either. I was open to the idea but I wasn't hanging all my hopes and dreams on it by any means!
Fast forward to when Rex and I began to seriously date...one of the first things he shared with me was that he had a vasectomy when he was in his late 20's (no that's not an awkward thing to bring up at all in a new dating relationship!). He knew I didn't have children and he knew that might be a deal breaker for me if this relationship was to go any farther. I respected his honesty, but obviously, it didn't bother me too bad! To me, I just felt like if God's promises were true, then He would move any mountains that needed to be moved at the right time. I also considered that by having Rex and a step-son as part of a ready made family, maybe that was what God intended as far as His promises to me (don't you just love how you can reason and try to make God's impossible ideas make sense in your head and rationalize them?!) I had already wrapped my mind around not having children, so it wasn't a major concern to me. But then...as only God can do, the relationship got deeper and more serious and we became engaged and then married. Now, having a child with Rex was all I could think about! Of course we talked about it and prayed about it and we both got excited about the possibility, but we knew there would be a steep, uphill road ahead of us. To Rex's credit, from day one, he was the one very willing to have a reversal surgery performed to make this happen. That's a big sacrifice if you ask me! We didn't want to rush into having a child immediately and we wanted to enjoy being married, but at the same time, there was a very loud biological clock ticking away!
We finally consulted a doctor when we felt the time was right, and it was a total disaster. Neither of us realized that his procedure had been done 13 years prior and the odds for a successful surgery diminish with each passing year...especially after 10 years! As we sat in that doctor's office and he told us this news as gently as he could, he turned to me and asked me if I had any children, to which I replied no. He just looked at me in a very pitiful and pathetic way and told me that the odds were less than 20% that even with a reversal, we could conceive a child. What a blow to our hopes and dreams. Being a veterinarian, I understand science and statistics and have a very analytical mind. I knew this was about the worst news we could receive. In that moment, I was really broken and I felt very deceived by God. Why would he put such a strong desire in both our hearts just to let us down? I felt like that was very cruel after all we had both been through. I bought into every lie the enemy threw my way, hook, line and sinker. It was a very depressing and difficult time for me, and of course Rex felt terrible. He's very much a non-selfish provider, so someone telling him he can't do the one thing his wife desperately wants was a blow to him as well. I wrestled and struggled with the issue for awhile, and thankfully many people told us to get a second opinion so we never did schedule the surgery.
A few months went by and I had an appointment with my doctor and discussed the issue with him. He recommended going to a specialist in Frisco who dealt with only reversals. I left his office with a little glimmer of hope. About 6 months after the first consult, we nervously consulted with the new doctor. He was so encouraging and his stats were WAY better than the first doctor. This was all he did and he had literally down several thousand (including ones other doctors had botched), so he had the data to back up his numbers. On his website, he had pictures of 60+ year old men (who had reversals 20+ years ago) with new "younger" wives holding newborn babies...I figured if he could do it for them, then we were an easy case! We scheduled the surgery and with a lot of prayer, hope and anticipation, the day finally arrived. To say Rex was nervous is an understatement, but I give him a lot of credit that he never wanted to back out. It was a very delicate, 3 hour surgery but it appeared to be successful and once again, the doctor gave us an infusion of hope. The doctor cautioned us that it could still take 6-12 months before we could conceive but he felt positive that it would happen for us. We were elated (well Rex was after he was all healed up)! The next 4 months were up and down because at some of the rechecks, we did not receive good news. That was discouraging and easy for me to slip back into the depression mode. I prayed lots of prayers during this time and reminded God of His promises to us! It was a tough year for us as a couple, but it did grow us much closer going through the adversity together. You realize how badly you want something when someone tells you it might not happen!
About 4 months after the surgery, we were out of town on a trip and I started feeling sick. I didn't think much of it at first until on the first night, I woke up, sat straight up in the bed in the middle of the night thinking "I'm pregnant". I didn't sleep a wink wondering if this was what it would feel like to be pregnant? I consulted Dr. Google and I had most of the signs and symptoms of an early pregnancy. I didn't say anything to Rex for another day not wanting to jinx things but finally, I 'fessed up my suspicions. We both thought the timing wasn't even possible, but we were just curious enough to stop at Walgreen's and go buy a pregnancy test! I took the test in their bathroom and came back to the car and as we drove, two lines popped up meaning "YES YOU ARE PREGNANT!" Rex almost ran off the road when I showed him the test! We were so excited and elated and just in shock! Even the doctor didn't predict this could happen so soon! Rex made me take about 10 more tests over the next few days and yep, they were all positive. I finally scheduled an appointment with the doctor and he confirmed it as well. The first time we saw the ultrasound and the heartbeat, we felt like we had won a major victory! All babies are miracles, but ours was a miracle against so many odds! Since I had nothing to compare to in my past, I didn't know if this felt like a normal pregnancy or not, but I did have a little check in my excitement compared to Rex. He was on cloud nine and I was a bit more reserved, not wanting to tell people quite yet. We waited till I was about 9 weeks along and then told our families and some close friends. Most didn't even know Rex had the surgery, so they were really shocked!
However, the next week I started having some minor complications. I went to the doctor, very worried, but he did an ultrasound and said everything was fine and at this point, less than 1% end in miscarriage. I went home feeling better. Within two days, I ended up in the emergency room hemorrhaging profusely and I lost the baby. As I sat there and stared at this tiny 10 &1/2 week old life, I was more devastated than I ever had been before. I can't even type these words without grieving and crying and it's been over a year now. I was in so much pain physically and emotionally that I was a zombie. I remember that ride home from the hospital feeling so empty, so defeated and just so drained. It literally felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. Rex was grieving as well, but he was more worried about my emotional state than anything else. So many people go through miscarriages at many stages of pregnancy, some much farther along than I was, and I know it is always a horrific experience. But this one felt even worse (because it was happening to me!) because of all the hurdles and ups and downs we had been through to just get to this point. There were so many people praying for us during this time of loss, and I know now that's why we were supposed to tell people our news in the first place. If we had to go through that loss without the faithful prayers of others, we would have been so much worse off. It was a season where at times, praying a solid prayer for yourself was very difficult. We felt the love and support of faithful believers and we are so grateful for each person that lifted us up in prayer.
When I was going through my divorce, I never once got angry at God. I may have questioned and wondered why, but I never turned my back or blamed Him. But this time, I was mad. I could not understand why God would set us both up for such a devastating blow. He knew how delicate we were and how tough this had been on us...it just didn't seem fair! The one thing that got me through was our faith that God just knows best. Period. He had protected us and sheltered us and brought us so far, so we couldn't believe any lies that He would let us down intentionally now. It was a sheer test of faith and we both clung to our faith that God was in control. We now at least knew that we could conceive, so there was one positive to the situation! We had to press onwards and not be afraid to try again.
As only God can orchestrate, the day we drove home from the doctor's office with him confirming that yes, we had miscarried, was the same exact day they started framing up our new home. We drove to the construction site, and even though I was very numb emotionally, it was a great distraction. The next 4 months were a whirl wind of activity with the construction process and making decisions on everything from paint to toilets! It kept us both busy and meanwhile, allowed healing to occur. Once again, we pulled through a tough time together and our marriage was stronger for it. Every marriage goes through it's rocky times, and it was very soothing to my soul to know that my husband was there for me in not just the good times, but in the very dark days as well. I know God used this time to renew our strength and souls for the next step of our journey.
Isaiah 40:28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of he earth. He will NOT grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who HOPE in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.
Part 2 is much happier I promise...!
JOY
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Maybe the Mayans Weren't Wrong After All
Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland
On December 21, 2012 the Mayan calendar stopped. Supposedley, this meant the end of the world was going to be on that day, as there could be no other reason for the missing future dates. People were abuzz about "the last day"...and then, we all woke up December 22nd in the same world of the days prior. Go figure.
But for me, on December 21st, it was the end of a world. You see, on that day, I finally sold my old home in Ponder. Signed, sealed and delivered...it is finished. Hallelujah! That was the last existing tangible piece of my past that was still in place. With the sale, the entire book of my past was firmly nailed closed. I cannot begin to tell you what a wonderful feeling that was for me! The burden and stress of owning a home two hours away, as well as the financial strains, continued to keep me tied to a past that I had moved on from in every other way. I felt a hundred pounds lighter and I even did the happy dance when I got the news it was over! Now, my roots are firmly planted in the "Promise Land" of East Texas and my life couldn't get any sweeter.
When I last blogged, I spoke of the "best week ever" and God doing big mountain-moving things. The house sale was one of those BIG things. The buyers had appeared literally out of no where when we had all but given up on a sale this calendar year. We had set our sights on spring time when the market was better for real estate sales. But God said different. Within a 24 hour period, we had a contract when no one had even looked at the house for some time. Even our realtor was in shock! Rex and I both had felt God saying the house would sell by the end of the year, but that had been looking pretty bleak. And after that "best week ever" came the WORST week ever...the house for sale flooded and we were afraid the whole deal would be off; We had a colt die in a freak accident; Packages were lost for family's Christmas presents; We had to deal with insurance adjustors, realtors and upset buyers all while replacing floors in a flooded house (which pushed our closing date back); And being very sick and run down for almost the whole month of December...just to name a few gut-wrenching, faith-crushing blows and nusiances. Talk about tests alongside fiery darts from the enemy! We were crying MERCY! But as God always does, He showed up in the middle of the trials and moved us steadily to the end point. Every single item was remedied in a few weeks, but those few weeks were NOT a fun time at the Neely house. His timing is ALWAYS right on time, every time.
God had promised my business and my home would sell by the end of the year and He was faithful and true to those promises! 2012 was a Big Year for our family! Selling both in this economy was nothing short of a miracle. Because of all the trials along the way, I believe we were much more thankful once the end was reached than if everything had been easy breezy. It is faith-building to know we are right where God wants us and the process of it all grew us closer together as a couple. Now, we are able to move into 2013 and start a NEW book and move forward into the next chapter God is writing for us. How sweet is that?!
So for me, I'm glad the Mayans were a little bit right, at least for me. Looing forward to NEW things in 2013!
Blessings to you all in 2013! Let's all live God's BEST for our lives this year!
JOY
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Enter His Gates With Thanksgiving!
In the past month, God has really laid one word on my heart and mind. That one simple little word would be "THANKFUL". As we celebrated our first year anniversary on October 22, God began speaking this word to me over and over again until it has saturated my life. Our first year of marriage has literally flown by and been a bit hectic, to say the least, but God has been so good and faithful to us in every situation. There is NO denying His guiding hand on our lives and on our marriage. So, as we kicked off year two of marriage, I was so very humbled with thanks. We know we are blessed and where our blessings have come from, but it is yet another thing to really and truly be thankful for those blessings. That thankful heart and awakening has continued to change my attitude and shift my perspective over the past thirty days. I believe that mindset has had a big part in unlocking God's blessings and favor into our lives.
The first week of this month, God did some BIG things in our life. Many prayers we have been praying for months were all answered at once. Big, huge and looming mountains were moved in a single day. I think that one day, we will look back and we will say this particular week in November is when God changed everything in our lives and marriage. For our good and for HIS good. I don't believe in coincidences. I know it was all God and I know that He made sure we knew it was Him as well! By being thankful in advance and praising Him even when our prayers hadn't been answered yet, we unlocked the doors of His favor and blessings. Instead of praying in desperation or frustration, we began to pray in thanks and anticipation. Big difference!
That week of mountains-being-moved, I was just so giddy in my spirit that it took me a few days to realize another deeper meaning that I had originally missed with all the excitement and "You Go God" moments. When I finally slowed down to look at a calendar, I was taken aback by the date. November three years ago was a very painful time in my life (that's an understatement!). And particularly, the first weekend in November because that was when my whole world got turned upside down. All of a sudden, I went from being married with a 10 year plan to eventually divorced with not even a 10 minute plan. You don't forget those life-changing moments. But, isn't it just like God to take away a memory of the very worst time of your life and replace it with a life-altering happy miracle? Talk about redeeming the past...! God truly can make the slate 100% clean in every way. Only God!!!
Both Novembers in my life, I was brought to my knees by my situation. Only this time, it was in praise and thanksgiving! Tears being shed this time for how good God has been to me and how He alone has restored in abundance all I lost in the past. Not only did He restore...He made it WAY better. Three years ago, I hoped for that but honestly, just couldn't fathom how He would, could or even should do what He promised; but I held on to that small mustard seed of faith and sat back and let Him work. He had such a greater plan than I could have ever dared to ask for or imagine, just as His Word says. I read and prayed that verse so many times for encouragement that there is probably a hole in my Bible on that page! But when you finally live it and see His hand on you and the fruition of His promise come to life, well that's faith building to say the least! All the things in the past that I thought were over and done with, I'm learning that God is having the final say and He's saying the best is yet to come!
This Thanksgiving, we as a family will give thanks for so many things! We are excited about what God will do in this next season of our lives and we wait in hopeful anticipation for His plans to continue to unfold in our lives. We serve an awesome God!
Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless from the Neely Family,
JOY
The first week of this month, God did some BIG things in our life. Many prayers we have been praying for months were all answered at once. Big, huge and looming mountains were moved in a single day. I think that one day, we will look back and we will say this particular week in November is when God changed everything in our lives and marriage. For our good and for HIS good. I don't believe in coincidences. I know it was all God and I know that He made sure we knew it was Him as well! By being thankful in advance and praising Him even when our prayers hadn't been answered yet, we unlocked the doors of His favor and blessings. Instead of praying in desperation or frustration, we began to pray in thanks and anticipation. Big difference!
That week of mountains-being-moved, I was just so giddy in my spirit that it took me a few days to realize another deeper meaning that I had originally missed with all the excitement and "You Go God" moments. When I finally slowed down to look at a calendar, I was taken aback by the date. November three years ago was a very painful time in my life (that's an understatement!). And particularly, the first weekend in November because that was when my whole world got turned upside down. All of a sudden, I went from being married with a 10 year plan to eventually divorced with not even a 10 minute plan. You don't forget those life-changing moments. But, isn't it just like God to take away a memory of the very worst time of your life and replace it with a life-altering happy miracle? Talk about redeeming the past...! God truly can make the slate 100% clean in every way. Only God!!!
Both Novembers in my life, I was brought to my knees by my situation. Only this time, it was in praise and thanksgiving! Tears being shed this time for how good God has been to me and how He alone has restored in abundance all I lost in the past. Not only did He restore...He made it WAY better. Three years ago, I hoped for that but honestly, just couldn't fathom how He would, could or even should do what He promised; but I held on to that small mustard seed of faith and sat back and let Him work. He had such a greater plan than I could have ever dared to ask for or imagine, just as His Word says. I read and prayed that verse so many times for encouragement that there is probably a hole in my Bible on that page! But when you finally live it and see His hand on you and the fruition of His promise come to life, well that's faith building to say the least! All the things in the past that I thought were over and done with, I'm learning that God is having the final say and He's saying the best is yet to come!
This Thanksgiving, we as a family will give thanks for so many things! We are excited about what God will do in this next season of our lives and we wait in hopeful anticipation for His plans to continue to unfold in our lives. We serve an awesome God!
Psalm 100:4
Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to HIM and praise His Name.
Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless from the Neely Family,
JOY
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Hot Christian Topic of the Moment: Fifty Shades of Grey & Magic Mike
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
If you haven't heard of the current book series, Fifty Shades of Grey, or heard of the risque' movie "Magic Mike", you must not reside on planet Earth! Everywhere I turn, someone is talking about one or the other, and it is not just women as you would suspect. Men are weighing in on the debate as well. But what I have found interesting is the discussion among Christians. The good news here...we are TALKING about it and not walking around in a fog, oblivious that there is even an issue. We are thinking, analyzing, and PRAYING about this and where we each stand on the issue, and honestly, that's half the battle raging in our minds.
Two different blogs on two different sides of the issue really got me thinking even deeper on the issue. One blogger/author talks about why she's not reading the series (Fifty Ways Porn Might Be Sneaking into YOUR Church), while another friend openly admits that she read the books and saw the movie and she talks about each person's convictions and how the Holy Spirit will guide us (A Little Condemnation) when consulted vs. letting the world condemn, convict, and direct us. I encourage you to click on the links above to read each blog.
My choice, and what I'm at peace with, is deciding not to read the books nor watch the movie. I'm not judging those who make the opposite decision, as I can only share my personal convictions and reasons why and stir the pot just a bit more. A few years ago, when I went through my divorce, a friend gave me some solid advice. She instructed me to be very careful what I let enter into my mind as I was in a very vulnerable and fragile state. For a very long period, I didn't really watch TV or movies, I listened to Christian music pretty exclusively and I kept my reading to Christian books or the Bible. I didn't allow the enemy to stir up my emotions by some outside source. For me, it was necessary and helped me stay focused and my eyes heavenward, which I desperately needed during that time period. I learned that I didn't miss any of my "old entertainment" and what was even more shocking was when I started to loosen the restrictions a bit over time, I realized that I was much more conscious and sensitive to worldly media. It made me very uncomfortable to listen to some types of music that before I really enjoyed. It opened up my eyes to the fact that my choices had really needed filtering. I had become worldly without even realizing it. I learned how subtle the enemy can be through very "traditional" and acceptable means. I've stuck with keeping my eyes and ears focused more spiritually because I am easily convicted when I watch/listen to more secular entertainment and I know that is the Holy Spirit keeping me on track. I don't want to ever get to that "fog-like" state again. Another big reason for "abstaining" is the fact that I'm married and for me, no one is "hotter" than my husband. I would never want to disrespect him by oogling over some guys in a movie or by fantasizing over some made up person in a book. It's all fiction...I flat don't need it. I also have to ask myself how would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot? There was a time in my life where that shoe WAS on the other foot, as I was in a marriage with someone who struggled and fell in these particular areas. I watched him do some pretty innocent things by worldly standards in the beginning that ended up over years spiraling into BIG and destructive things. So, I've lived that side of the equation and it didn't make me feel respected or loved in any way. My husband is precious to me and deserves better than that and if there are any "shades of grey", I'm going to err on the side of protecting him and his feelings! And lastly, I'm a step-mom to a great 16 year old young Christian man. When he heard me talking about a friend going to see "Magic Mike", he specifically spoke up and said to me "Please don't go see that movie." If I had any reason to go see it...that for sure took it away! As parents, we need to be setting the standard for our children and leading by example. I wouldn't feel comfortable going to see that movie with him, so that tells me I shouldn't be seeing it period.
"If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.n and help them maintain their inocence as long as possible and keep their minds pure." Mark 9:42
My friend who wrote the second blog raises a good point though...who am I to condemn ones who don't decide the same as me? The cliche' "WWJD" applies here...there has never been, nor will there ever be condemnation in Christ but there sure is in man! By sharing my personal convictions, I'm not trying to make anyone feel their choice is wrong or that I'm holier than thou. It's not up to me to be anyone's judge and jury and there are plenty of areas in my life where I struggle and admittedly make the wrong decisions. I'm for sure a work in progress and since I've made some major mistakes in my own personal life, I'm very conscious not to cast stones at anyone else. I'm very thankful for God's grace and forgiveness over my past mistakes and how He has redeemed that. I think that is why I'm constantly trying to discern where and how the Holy Spirit is guiding me. If you listen to that still, small voice, the Holy Spirit will always steer you in the right direction.
In closing, I want to share this little story. I have a friend who is an amazing evangelist and who is very intent on witnessing to her entire neighborhood and bringing them to Jesus (and I have no doubt she will do just that!). She was having a hard time relating to some of the younger women in her neighborhood, so do you know what she did? She invited them over to dinner and to watch...wait for it...THE BACHELOR! Now you can NOT get any more worldly than that! When she told me about this, I thought she was crazy! She explained watching that show was something THEY were in to, so she used it as a bonding experience and an ice breaker in order to find common ground with them. And you know what happened? She suffered through some episodes of The Bachelor, became friends with one of these women, and led her to Christ a few weeks later. That's what I call a Kingdom focus! She was secure in her relationship with Christ and could keep her mind on the prize so-to-speak (even with all those hot tub scenes ;).
Whether you agree with my decision or not, I believe the message here is to stay aware and cognizant of the ploys of the enemy. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and know how you personally are tempted and might fall. If you are married and/or have children, be respectful of them and their feelings. And above all, as a Christian, let Christ's love and light shine through you in all circumstances.
Blessings!
JOY
If you haven't heard of the current book series, Fifty Shades of Grey, or heard of the risque' movie "Magic Mike", you must not reside on planet Earth! Everywhere I turn, someone is talking about one or the other, and it is not just women as you would suspect. Men are weighing in on the debate as well. But what I have found interesting is the discussion among Christians. The good news here...we are TALKING about it and not walking around in a fog, oblivious that there is even an issue. We are thinking, analyzing, and PRAYING about this and where we each stand on the issue, and honestly, that's half the battle raging in our minds.
Two different blogs on two different sides of the issue really got me thinking even deeper on the issue. One blogger/author talks about why she's not reading the series (Fifty Ways Porn Might Be Sneaking into YOUR Church), while another friend openly admits that she read the books and saw the movie and she talks about each person's convictions and how the Holy Spirit will guide us (A Little Condemnation) when consulted vs. letting the world condemn, convict, and direct us. I encourage you to click on the links above to read each blog.
My choice, and what I'm at peace with, is deciding not to read the books nor watch the movie. I'm not judging those who make the opposite decision, as I can only share my personal convictions and reasons why and stir the pot just a bit more. A few years ago, when I went through my divorce, a friend gave me some solid advice. She instructed me to be very careful what I let enter into my mind as I was in a very vulnerable and fragile state. For a very long period, I didn't really watch TV or movies, I listened to Christian music pretty exclusively and I kept my reading to Christian books or the Bible. I didn't allow the enemy to stir up my emotions by some outside source. For me, it was necessary and helped me stay focused and my eyes heavenward, which I desperately needed during that time period. I learned that I didn't miss any of my "old entertainment" and what was even more shocking was when I started to loosen the restrictions a bit over time, I realized that I was much more conscious and sensitive to worldly media. It made me very uncomfortable to listen to some types of music that before I really enjoyed. It opened up my eyes to the fact that my choices had really needed filtering. I had become worldly without even realizing it. I learned how subtle the enemy can be through very "traditional" and acceptable means. I've stuck with keeping my eyes and ears focused more spiritually because I am easily convicted when I watch/listen to more secular entertainment and I know that is the Holy Spirit keeping me on track. I don't want to ever get to that "fog-like" state again. Another big reason for "abstaining" is the fact that I'm married and for me, no one is "hotter" than my husband. I would never want to disrespect him by oogling over some guys in a movie or by fantasizing over some made up person in a book. It's all fiction...I flat don't need it. I also have to ask myself how would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot? There was a time in my life where that shoe WAS on the other foot, as I was in a marriage with someone who struggled and fell in these particular areas. I watched him do some pretty innocent things by worldly standards in the beginning that ended up over years spiraling into BIG and destructive things. So, I've lived that side of the equation and it didn't make me feel respected or loved in any way. My husband is precious to me and deserves better than that and if there are any "shades of grey", I'm going to err on the side of protecting him and his feelings! And lastly, I'm a step-mom to a great 16 year old young Christian man. When he heard me talking about a friend going to see "Magic Mike", he specifically spoke up and said to me "Please don't go see that movie." If I had any reason to go see it...that for sure took it away! As parents, we need to be setting the standard for our children and leading by example. I wouldn't feel comfortable going to see that movie with him, so that tells me I shouldn't be seeing it period.
"If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.n and help them maintain their inocence as long as possible and keep their minds pure." Mark 9:42
My friend who wrote the second blog raises a good point though...who am I to condemn ones who don't decide the same as me? The cliche' "WWJD" applies here...there has never been, nor will there ever be condemnation in Christ but there sure is in man! By sharing my personal convictions, I'm not trying to make anyone feel their choice is wrong or that I'm holier than thou. It's not up to me to be anyone's judge and jury and there are plenty of areas in my life where I struggle and admittedly make the wrong decisions. I'm for sure a work in progress and since I've made some major mistakes in my own personal life, I'm very conscious not to cast stones at anyone else. I'm very thankful for God's grace and forgiveness over my past mistakes and how He has redeemed that. I think that is why I'm constantly trying to discern where and how the Holy Spirit is guiding me. If you listen to that still, small voice, the Holy Spirit will always steer you in the right direction.
In closing, I want to share this little story. I have a friend who is an amazing evangelist and who is very intent on witnessing to her entire neighborhood and bringing them to Jesus (and I have no doubt she will do just that!). She was having a hard time relating to some of the younger women in her neighborhood, so do you know what she did? She invited them over to dinner and to watch...wait for it...THE BACHELOR! Now you can NOT get any more worldly than that! When she told me about this, I thought she was crazy! She explained watching that show was something THEY were in to, so she used it as a bonding experience and an ice breaker in order to find common ground with them. And you know what happened? She suffered through some episodes of The Bachelor, became friends with one of these women, and led her to Christ a few weeks later. That's what I call a Kingdom focus! She was secure in her relationship with Christ and could keep her mind on the prize so-to-speak (even with all those hot tub scenes ;).
Whether you agree with my decision or not, I believe the message here is to stay aware and cognizant of the ploys of the enemy. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and know how you personally are tempted and might fall. If you are married and/or have children, be respectful of them and their feelings. And above all, as a Christian, let Christ's love and light shine through you in all circumstances.
Blessings!
JOY
Monday, July 2, 2012
Well Hello Summer!
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philipians 4:4-7
Where has the time gone??? It has been over three months since I packed my bags and moved back home to East Texas. I have proven the saying, "time flies when you are having fun", to be true! Once I was finally HOME, I had the blessing of being able to take three months off from working and just relax, which is something I hadn't done in about twenty years. You see, I've always been very focused and I've for sure always had a plan (which has lead me down some wrong paths in life by my own design...but if you've read this blog before, you know all about that!). I went straight from high school into college year round (no summers off for me!), and then followed that by entering directly into veterinary school for an additional four years, where of course I had no life and very little sleep for years! After that, I did the dumbest thing ever...I graduated from vet scool on a Friday and started my first job on Monday. Yes, you read that right...72 hours later. Who does that? This insanely, driven person does...that's who. And in the last ten years of employment, I have never, ever, not in a million years, thought I would get a three month break. So, when I say it was a blessing, I really mean it!
The last few months have definitely been a whirlwind and they have meant some adjustments for me. First off, for the first six weeks or so, I had no internet and very little phone service, so I got disconnected from life in the technological sense. I won't lie and say I didn't complain a few (hundred) times, but in many ways, the break was nice. I needed to unplug and do what I hadn't gotten to do for a very long time and that's enjoy lifewithout a set plan each day. I got to enjoy being a wife and actually being home when my husband came home from work, which is a real blessing when you have lived most of your marriage two hours apart. I got to plan meals, cook dinner and, GASP, actually enjoy it...thank you to the Pioneer Woman for many sources of inspiration! People asked me, "what do you do all day?" and to that I would say, "Whatever I want!". I would wake up and see what the day had in store and for once, I could just be flexible. No stress! I kept busy every day and just began to recharge my batteries as well as reconnect with folks I haven't seen in ages. It sure is nice to just call up your mom or your dad or your husband and go to lunch with them on the same day. It truly is the little things in life that makes me happy!
Then, I began to decide it was time to put my toe in the water and circulate my name out to the local vets in the area for relief veterinary work. I thought I might gradually ease back into work. You know...a little here, a little there, just so I didn't get rusty in my profession. As only God can do...that didn't quite work out! (What was that stuff I said about planning? Hey...I'm a work in progress forevermore!) I was bombarded with calls for work almost immediately. Within a two week period, I booked all my days for the summer to the point I'm constantly turning work down. What a blessing in this economy to have multiple job offers! I shouldn't be shocked because God has continued to open the right doors at the right time, which makes me smile. The other very cool thing is EVERY vet I have the privilege to work with are all Christians. Every time we go to lunch, each one of them prays for us and over our food (and none of these clinics or vets are related). How wonderful is that? It just reaffirms over and over that God has me right where He wants me. So, I'm back in the "employed" column once again and I'm truly enjoying being "just a vet" and not a practice owner and that's mostly due to the fact that I get to work with awesome people every day AND I get to reconnect with old friends almost daily so it's a mini reunion each day!
The last few months have also brought challenges and sadness at times as well...the death of my grandfather, Rex having bilateral knee surgeries, and my most prized horse getting severely injured to name the biggies. And although these times have not been fun, they have brought Rex and I even closer together and I continually am reminded what a blessing it is to have a husband who not just loves and provides for me, but who can speak Biblical truths to me and to encourage me spiritually. Every marriage is going to have its ups and downs but those that can weather the storms of life together, hand-in-hand with their eyes on the Lord and continue to lift one another up...well that's just how God intended it all along! What a difference it makes!
We've also had some very exciting things occur...April 19th brought us the birth of a little palomino filly nicknamed "Roxie" who is a hoot to watch and who makes us laugh with her charming personality; the purchase of 50 acres in Lindale and the process of improving pastures, working the land, and dreaming together of the place we will build in the near future; new four-legged equine additions "Woodrow" and "Bugsy" to our herd for each of us to use for pleasure and competition...and that's just to name a few of our exciting news bits!
To wrap it up, it has just been a blessing to be home where everything "fits" and I feel right in the center of God's will. There's a peace about that feeling that just can't be described adequately by words. By far, life is not perfect, and it never will be, but I feel I'm on the right path that God chose for me long ago. Although there have been some tough, life-altering changes to get to this point...I now can say it was worth every agonizing decision. God's way and timing is always right and leads to rejoicing in the end!
Now...just where will God take us next?!
Rejoicing!
JOY
Where has the time gone??? It has been over three months since I packed my bags and moved back home to East Texas. I have proven the saying, "time flies when you are having fun", to be true! Once I was finally HOME, I had the blessing of being able to take three months off from working and just relax, which is something I hadn't done in about twenty years. You see, I've always been very focused and I've for sure always had a plan (which has lead me down some wrong paths in life by my own design...but if you've read this blog before, you know all about that!). I went straight from high school into college year round (no summers off for me!), and then followed that by entering directly into veterinary school for an additional four years, where of course I had no life and very little sleep for years! After that, I did the dumbest thing ever...I graduated from vet scool on a Friday and started my first job on Monday. Yes, you read that right...72 hours later. Who does that? This insanely, driven person does...that's who. And in the last ten years of employment, I have never, ever, not in a million years, thought I would get a three month break. So, when I say it was a blessing, I really mean it!
The last few months have definitely been a whirlwind and they have meant some adjustments for me. First off, for the first six weeks or so, I had no internet and very little phone service, so I got disconnected from life in the technological sense. I won't lie and say I didn't complain a few (hundred) times, but in many ways, the break was nice. I needed to unplug and do what I hadn't gotten to do for a very long time and that's enjoy lifewithout a set plan each day. I got to enjoy being a wife and actually being home when my husband came home from work, which is a real blessing when you have lived most of your marriage two hours apart. I got to plan meals, cook dinner and, GASP, actually enjoy it...thank you to the Pioneer Woman for many sources of inspiration! People asked me, "what do you do all day?" and to that I would say, "Whatever I want!". I would wake up and see what the day had in store and for once, I could just be flexible. No stress! I kept busy every day and just began to recharge my batteries as well as reconnect with folks I haven't seen in ages. It sure is nice to just call up your mom or your dad or your husband and go to lunch with them on the same day. It truly is the little things in life that makes me happy!
Then, I began to decide it was time to put my toe in the water and circulate my name out to the local vets in the area for relief veterinary work. I thought I might gradually ease back into work. You know...a little here, a little there, just so I didn't get rusty in my profession. As only God can do...that didn't quite work out! (What was that stuff I said about planning? Hey...I'm a work in progress forevermore!) I was bombarded with calls for work almost immediately. Within a two week period, I booked all my days for the summer to the point I'm constantly turning work down. What a blessing in this economy to have multiple job offers! I shouldn't be shocked because God has continued to open the right doors at the right time, which makes me smile. The other very cool thing is EVERY vet I have the privilege to work with are all Christians. Every time we go to lunch, each one of them prays for us and over our food (and none of these clinics or vets are related). How wonderful is that? It just reaffirms over and over that God has me right where He wants me. So, I'm back in the "employed" column once again and I'm truly enjoying being "just a vet" and not a practice owner and that's mostly due to the fact that I get to work with awesome people every day AND I get to reconnect with old friends almost daily so it's a mini reunion each day!
The last few months have also brought challenges and sadness at times as well...the death of my grandfather, Rex having bilateral knee surgeries, and my most prized horse getting severely injured to name the biggies. And although these times have not been fun, they have brought Rex and I even closer together and I continually am reminded what a blessing it is to have a husband who not just loves and provides for me, but who can speak Biblical truths to me and to encourage me spiritually. Every marriage is going to have its ups and downs but those that can weather the storms of life together, hand-in-hand with their eyes on the Lord and continue to lift one another up...well that's just how God intended it all along! What a difference it makes!
We've also had some very exciting things occur...April 19th brought us the birth of a little palomino filly nicknamed "Roxie" who is a hoot to watch and who makes us laugh with her charming personality; the purchase of 50 acres in Lindale and the process of improving pastures, working the land, and dreaming together of the place we will build in the near future; new four-legged equine additions "Woodrow" and "Bugsy" to our herd for each of us to use for pleasure and competition...and that's just to name a few of our exciting news bits!
To wrap it up, it has just been a blessing to be home where everything "fits" and I feel right in the center of God's will. There's a peace about that feeling that just can't be described adequately by words. By far, life is not perfect, and it never will be, but I feel I'm on the right path that God chose for me long ago. Although there have been some tough, life-altering changes to get to this point...I now can say it was worth every agonizing decision. God's way and timing is always right and leads to rejoicing in the end!
Now...just where will God take us next?!
Rejoicing!
JOY
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
I'm Home!
On March 1st, a journey of over a year finally came to an end. I'm officially, 100% unemployed...and I couldn't be happier! Yes...you heard me right...I have no job by choice and it truly is an answer to prayer and the fufillment of God's specific promise to me over a year ago.
You see, two Novembers ago, God laid on my heart in a very forceful way that I was supposed to sell my practice and move back home to my family, where my roots are, in East Texas (Assignment Solitude retreat). It had been an issue I had wrestled with over a six month period, but in one weekend, God spoke so loud and clear to me that I no longer had doubts what I was to do and where I was to go. I immediately came home from that weekend and listed my practice for sale and informed my family of my plans to eventually move back home. If there is one thing I have learned, it is to be obedient and let God handle the details of my life. It might not make sense to me at the time, but He always knows best, so I stepped out in faith and in an act of obedience. Fourteen months and three buyers later, the practice sold and I moved back to East Texas. As I drove home and saw the Piney Woods and drove the familiar roads of home, I realized this was it. I wasn't just visiting this time...I was STAYING. I began to cry and just thank God for His faithfulness. What seemed nearly impossible was now the possible. I was and am so humbled and so grateful!
What happened over the past year is nothing short of a miracle. I had the impression in 2010 that within a year, I would be back home. Let me just say that there were many roadblocks thrown up during the past year that caused me to question and doubt that, but in the end, God did exactly what He said He would do all along and He moved some HUGE mountains to make it happen. A few weeks ago, I handed over the keys to the business I started nearly seven years ago. So much blood, sweat, and tears went into that place that I thought it would be agony to pass it on to someone else. Turns out, it wasn't at all. I walked away with a smile on my face, peace in my heart and excitement for my next journey. That is only because of God and His will and because I know it was honoring to follow His direction for my life. He also picked the perfect person to purchase my business and to continue on with my dream. She will do a fabulous job and the community is blessed to have her!
When God speaks, it is amazing how everything just falls into place and that's exactly what has happened in this situation. It didn't happen overnight, but it did all happen exactly how I was promised in 2010. How was I to know when I accepted the decision to sell and move, that months later I would be in a relationship with a man I love dearly, who just happens to live in my home town in East Texas? And that I would be married to this wonderful man? I didn't...but God did. He's continued to lay the groundwork for His master plan and on some days, I am in awe once again of all He has done to restore what I lost with an abundance. In the weeks to come, I plan to share some specific details of my journey and what God has done in my life to get me to this point.
I'm probably the only person in the world happy to be unemployed! I'm going to take some time to rest and enjoy being home, being a wife, and just being a family. I hope to be less tied down in the future as far as a job is concerned in order to have more time for ministry and more flexibility to allow God to use me in whatever ways He sees fit. I'm prayerfully considering the next steps to take as I don't want to move without God directing me. I'm excited about this new season of my life and I can't wait to see what God does next and where He leads me!
So, goodbye black land of North Texas...
hello sandy soils of East Texas.
Goodbye to the plains...
hello to big ol' pine trees.
Goodbye to the prairie land...
hello to the rolling coastal pastures.
Goodbye to interstates, highways and crazy DFW drivers...
hello to country backroads and Sunday drivers.
Goodbye to my dear Denton friends...
hello to my old child hood friends.
Goodbye to my adopted North Texas family...
hello to my biological family.
Goodbye to a good life and good memories for the past 10 years...
hello to God's best for my life and for the future.
Batten down the hatches East Texas...this girl is home.
Finally.
Praise God for He is faithful and able.
JOY
You see, two Novembers ago, God laid on my heart in a very forceful way that I was supposed to sell my practice and move back home to my family, where my roots are, in East Texas (Assignment Solitude retreat). It had been an issue I had wrestled with over a six month period, but in one weekend, God spoke so loud and clear to me that I no longer had doubts what I was to do and where I was to go. I immediately came home from that weekend and listed my practice for sale and informed my family of my plans to eventually move back home. If there is one thing I have learned, it is to be obedient and let God handle the details of my life. It might not make sense to me at the time, but He always knows best, so I stepped out in faith and in an act of obedience. Fourteen months and three buyers later, the practice sold and I moved back to East Texas. As I drove home and saw the Piney Woods and drove the familiar roads of home, I realized this was it. I wasn't just visiting this time...I was STAYING. I began to cry and just thank God for His faithfulness. What seemed nearly impossible was now the possible. I was and am so humbled and so grateful!
What happened over the past year is nothing short of a miracle. I had the impression in 2010 that within a year, I would be back home. Let me just say that there were many roadblocks thrown up during the past year that caused me to question and doubt that, but in the end, God did exactly what He said He would do all along and He moved some HUGE mountains to make it happen. A few weeks ago, I handed over the keys to the business I started nearly seven years ago. So much blood, sweat, and tears went into that place that I thought it would be agony to pass it on to someone else. Turns out, it wasn't at all. I walked away with a smile on my face, peace in my heart and excitement for my next journey. That is only because of God and His will and because I know it was honoring to follow His direction for my life. He also picked the perfect person to purchase my business and to continue on with my dream. She will do a fabulous job and the community is blessed to have her!
When God speaks, it is amazing how everything just falls into place and that's exactly what has happened in this situation. It didn't happen overnight, but it did all happen exactly how I was promised in 2010. How was I to know when I accepted the decision to sell and move, that months later I would be in a relationship with a man I love dearly, who just happens to live in my home town in East Texas? And that I would be married to this wonderful man? I didn't...but God did. He's continued to lay the groundwork for His master plan and on some days, I am in awe once again of all He has done to restore what I lost with an abundance. In the weeks to come, I plan to share some specific details of my journey and what God has done in my life to get me to this point.
I'm probably the only person in the world happy to be unemployed! I'm going to take some time to rest and enjoy being home, being a wife, and just being a family. I hope to be less tied down in the future as far as a job is concerned in order to have more time for ministry and more flexibility to allow God to use me in whatever ways He sees fit. I'm prayerfully considering the next steps to take as I don't want to move without God directing me. I'm excited about this new season of my life and I can't wait to see what God does next and where He leads me!
So, goodbye black land of North Texas...
hello sandy soils of East Texas.
Goodbye to the plains...
hello to big ol' pine trees.
Goodbye to the prairie land...
hello to the rolling coastal pastures.
Goodbye to interstates, highways and crazy DFW drivers...
hello to country backroads and Sunday drivers.
Goodbye to my dear Denton friends...
hello to my old child hood friends.
Goodbye to my adopted North Texas family...
hello to my biological family.
Goodbye to a good life and good memories for the past 10 years...
hello to God's best for my life and for the future.
Batten down the hatches East Texas...this girl is home.
Finally.
Praise God for He is faithful and able.
JOY
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
When Holidays Hurt
Not so long ago, I spent Christmas alone and isolated. It has been a few years back, but I don't think I will ever forget that time period of my life. When you find yourself alone, suddenly, in early November, you begin to realize how many celebrations occur between November to February (for the record...there's a bunch!) and how empty it can feel when you don't have someone to share in those times. Those dates on the calendar that everyone else happily anticipates...you dread and cringe as they approach. I have first-hand knowledge of that emptiness, so my heart goes out to those of you who are alone this Christmas season. It can be a very difficult, depressing, and non-joyful time for those that are struggling with losses.
Here's the thing...the Christmas I spent alone turned out to be one of the very best in some very non-traditional ways. Because of prior plans with my own family, we celebrated the holiday the week before Christmas. I had friends take me in and invite me to their gatherings for Christmas Eve and Day locally, but here's where that whole "planning" thing came to bite me yet again. All my planning did not factor in the fact that a great blizzard would hit North Texas that particular Christmas. The roads were treacherous as I drove home from a Christmas Eve service at my church and by Christmas morning, we had what we never have here in Texas....a beautiful WHITE Christmas.
Everyone else was celebrating and staying indoors with their loved ones, opening gifts around the fire, and probably celebrating the fact that it was too icey to get on the roads to Grandma's house, while I realized the thing I feared the most had just happened. Yep, I was alone, trapped at my house, secluded out in the country for Christmas. What a loser I felt like in that moment! I was determined to make the most of the situation and I spent a lot of time that day in prayer and reading my Bible. And as only the Lord can do, He turned what could have been a very depressing day into a great and memorable day. Through His word, He revealed so many things to me that turned out to be blueprints for the future, even if I couldn't fathom the how's and why's quite yet. His presence was so heavy and tangible that day, I ended up not feeling alone at all. I was so excited about the revelations He gave to me, that I called an emergency meeting of all my prayer group and friends for a few days later! I think they were worried I was going to be a mess when they showed up, but instead I was re-charged and energized for the fight I had ahead. Looking back, that was a pivotal moment for me and it was a turning point in my struggles. Not to say, it was all rosey and uphill from there because there were some dark, painful, and tough times ahead. But I see that particular Christmas as a turning point in my walk with the Lord. I really understood what it meant to lay it all down and let Him be my Comforter and my every present help in times of trouble. I now see that snowstorm as a gift from God...it made me slow down, and in the isolation He did His best work in me.
So what could have been a no-good-very-bad-terrible day, turned into a wonderful day. I ended up outside making snowmen, spending time in my barn with my horses in the snow and just being happy to be right where I was in that moment because I had the comfort of God's plan and it was going to be good despite what my current circumstances looked like. Now, a few years down the road, as I approach this Christmas, I'm so very thankful that I allowed that work to be done in me. It was painful and it was a tough process, but I wouldn't have the happiness I have today if it wasn't for those tough times. I'm also thankful for that Christmas, because it MADE me focus on the real reason and meaning for the season. Everything else had been stripped away, so I was forced to get back to the basics. Turns out, that's where the real JOY of Christmas was all along!
For those of you who find yourself NOT looking forward to the holiday season everyone else is so ecstatic and crazed about...I encourage you to find the good in your situation. Draw near to God and He for sure will draw near to you. This is a season in your life and it won't last forever. There are good days, full of laughter and happiness ahead. Trust in your LORD and SAVIOR...the very same one that had the ultimate plan that Christmas night so many years ago to send a baby into this fallen world, in order that we could one day have eternal life with HIM...that same Lord is still on the throne. He's still in control and He's still the King. If HE can come up with that plan...well then, He can do anything He wants in our little lives if we let Him have the reins and be the ONE in control!
Listen to one who has been there, done that and has the T-shirt...life as you know it will get better. I promise. Let Go and Let God do a work in You!
Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Praying for the hurting this Christmas,
JOY
Here's the thing...the Christmas I spent alone turned out to be one of the very best in some very non-traditional ways. Because of prior plans with my own family, we celebrated the holiday the week before Christmas. I had friends take me in and invite me to their gatherings for Christmas Eve and Day locally, but here's where that whole "planning" thing came to bite me yet again. All my planning did not factor in the fact that a great blizzard would hit North Texas that particular Christmas. The roads were treacherous as I drove home from a Christmas Eve service at my church and by Christmas morning, we had what we never have here in Texas....a beautiful WHITE Christmas.
Everyone else was celebrating and staying indoors with their loved ones, opening gifts around the fire, and probably celebrating the fact that it was too icey to get on the roads to Grandma's house, while I realized the thing I feared the most had just happened. Yep, I was alone, trapped at my house, secluded out in the country for Christmas. What a loser I felt like in that moment! I was determined to make the most of the situation and I spent a lot of time that day in prayer and reading my Bible. And as only the Lord can do, He turned what could have been a very depressing day into a great and memorable day. Through His word, He revealed so many things to me that turned out to be blueprints for the future, even if I couldn't fathom the how's and why's quite yet. His presence was so heavy and tangible that day, I ended up not feeling alone at all. I was so excited about the revelations He gave to me, that I called an emergency meeting of all my prayer group and friends for a few days later! I think they were worried I was going to be a mess when they showed up, but instead I was re-charged and energized for the fight I had ahead. Looking back, that was a pivotal moment for me and it was a turning point in my struggles. Not to say, it was all rosey and uphill from there because there were some dark, painful, and tough times ahead. But I see that particular Christmas as a turning point in my walk with the Lord. I really understood what it meant to lay it all down and let Him be my Comforter and my every present help in times of trouble. I now see that snowstorm as a gift from God...it made me slow down, and in the isolation He did His best work in me.
So what could have been a no-good-very-bad-terrible day, turned into a wonderful day. I ended up outside making snowmen, spending time in my barn with my horses in the snow and just being happy to be right where I was in that moment because I had the comfort of God's plan and it was going to be good despite what my current circumstances looked like. Now, a few years down the road, as I approach this Christmas, I'm so very thankful that I allowed that work to be done in me. It was painful and it was a tough process, but I wouldn't have the happiness I have today if it wasn't for those tough times. I'm also thankful for that Christmas, because it MADE me focus on the real reason and meaning for the season. Everything else had been stripped away, so I was forced to get back to the basics. Turns out, that's where the real JOY of Christmas was all along!
For those of you who find yourself NOT looking forward to the holiday season everyone else is so ecstatic and crazed about...I encourage you to find the good in your situation. Draw near to God and He for sure will draw near to you. This is a season in your life and it won't last forever. There are good days, full of laughter and happiness ahead. Trust in your LORD and SAVIOR...the very same one that had the ultimate plan that Christmas night so many years ago to send a baby into this fallen world, in order that we could one day have eternal life with HIM...that same Lord is still on the throne. He's still in control and He's still the King. If HE can come up with that plan...well then, He can do anything He wants in our little lives if we let Him have the reins and be the ONE in control!
Listen to one who has been there, done that and has the T-shirt...life as you know it will get better. I promise. Let Go and Let God do a work in You!
Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Praying for the hurting this Christmas,
JOY
Monday, December 5, 2011
Making My List and Checking It Twice
In the midst of the busy holiday season, I find myself always creating a plan: a plan for shopping, a plan for holiday events on the calendar, a plan for who gets what for Christmas, a plan for how we spend the holidays with family, a plan for....well you get the picture. I have a plan for my plans! It's ridiculous!
Here's the thing though...I got a pretty big wakeup call from my "planning" during Thanksgiving. A few hours after I wrote about being thankful for my family's health, my sweet mother ended up in emergency surgery on Thanksgiving day for a bowel obstruction. How's that for irony? Thankfully, after a week in the hospital, she has recovered and is resting at home now. During that holiday week, I kept readjusting my plans due to emergency situations...and they kept changing by the hour! After a day of planning and re-planning, I finally just prayerfully submitted and admitted I was going to take things one day at a time and roll with the flow and hand the reins over to the ONE who was actually in control all along. I was finally tired of planning, if you can believe that! Because guess what? My plans just kept failing...over and over and over again.
Does anyone, other than me, see the lesson in all of this? I think the Lord was gently reminding me that He's the ultimate plan maker...not me. Because let's face it, our plans fail a good portion of the time. When hectic schedules come, the answer is not more plans. The answer is trusting in Him, laying down the frustrations at His feet, and just taking it one day at a time, because that's all we have been promised anyways.
Since that prayer of submittal, I've been tested more than once. Our family Christmas plans, on both sides, have changed yet again. That normally would have frustrated me to no end, but this year, I just had to laugh and almost expect it in some ways. I'm reminded, especially this time of the year, of what is truly important. Not the gifts, not the plans nor the food (although I really do love the food), but the real celebration of the miracle birth of my Lord and Savior. If I concentrate on THAT...then everything else lines up and my perspective shifts, my heart changes, and all that planning really doesn't mean a thing anymore.
This Christmas, my wish for each of you is to enjoy each moment and celebrate what you do have and focus on the here and now. Cherish the time with your loved ones! Don't get lost in the hustle and bustle and commercialism of this season...choose to get lost in the love of our Savior who was born so each of us can find rest in Him every day of the year for now and forever more.
Merry CHRISTmas!
JOY
Here's the thing though...I got a pretty big wakeup call from my "planning" during Thanksgiving. A few hours after I wrote about being thankful for my family's health, my sweet mother ended up in emergency surgery on Thanksgiving day for a bowel obstruction. How's that for irony? Thankfully, after a week in the hospital, she has recovered and is resting at home now. During that holiday week, I kept readjusting my plans due to emergency situations...and they kept changing by the hour! After a day of planning and re-planning, I finally just prayerfully submitted and admitted I was going to take things one day at a time and roll with the flow and hand the reins over to the ONE who was actually in control all along. I was finally tired of planning, if you can believe that! Because guess what? My plans just kept failing...over and over and over again.
Does anyone, other than me, see the lesson in all of this? I think the Lord was gently reminding me that He's the ultimate plan maker...not me. Because let's face it, our plans fail a good portion of the time. When hectic schedules come, the answer is not more plans. The answer is trusting in Him, laying down the frustrations at His feet, and just taking it one day at a time, because that's all we have been promised anyways.
Since that prayer of submittal, I've been tested more than once. Our family Christmas plans, on both sides, have changed yet again. That normally would have frustrated me to no end, but this year, I just had to laugh and almost expect it in some ways. I'm reminded, especially this time of the year, of what is truly important. Not the gifts, not the plans nor the food (although I really do love the food), but the real celebration of the miracle birth of my Lord and Savior. If I concentrate on THAT...then everything else lines up and my perspective shifts, my heart changes, and all that planning really doesn't mean a thing anymore.
This Christmas, my wish for each of you is to enjoy each moment and celebrate what you do have and focus on the here and now. Cherish the time with your loved ones! Don't get lost in the hustle and bustle and commercialism of this season...choose to get lost in the love of our Savior who was born so each of us can find rest in Him every day of the year for now and forever more.
Merry CHRISTmas!
JOY
Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving Ya'll!
As we begin to prepare for the big feast tomorrow and before the official hustle and bustle begins, I want to take a few moments to reflect and express gratitude on this Thanksgiving Eve and I encourage you all to take time to do the same. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and that's probably no coincidence since it falls in my favorite month of November!
This year I'm thankful for:
This year I'm thankful for:
- A wonderful husband who loves me no matter what and who is my best friend
- A step-son who is entertaining and fun to watch as he grows and matures
- My sweet family that I see all the time now, as well as my new in-law-family which equals double the fun!
- Precious friends who I love to laugh with until my sides hurt
- A job and a career that I truly enjoy and I am always challenged by (did anyone else operate on a skunk yesterday? I think not...!)
- Great employees/friends to work with every day and laugh with (we like to laugh a lot around here)
- Serving a God who gives us ample second and third chances, and who always has a plan...a really good plan...for our lives
- Nieces and nephews that see the world differently, through fresh eyes so the most simple things are new again
- Pumpkins...thank you God for making those as I honestly can't get enough of their sweet flavor during this season!
- 36 years of health...to the point I feel MUCH younger than I am...(and I look it, too...right?!)
- Freedom to worship any way I choose
- Horses in my barn and enjoying their quirky personalities
- Celebrating a November without drama
- A sister who is also my best friend and partner in crime (if only she lived closer!)
- A neurotic dog who amuses me...as in right now while she runs around my office trying to catch flies in her mouth
- The little things that make me smile
- Laughter, and a lot of it...
- College football (Gig 'Em Aggies)
- A job where I get to wear jeans every day
- A year of happiness and fresh starts and very few tears
- Black Friday shopping! It's a sport...not for the faint at heart ;)
1 Chronicles 16:34
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
Psalm 7:17
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
Psalm 7:17
I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High.
Blessings to you All!
JOY
Monday, October 31, 2011
Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Rex Neely
Over the past few years, I've written quite a few blogs, which many of you have read, and therefore have been included on my journey in a round-about-way. The last few years have been quite a process, but looking back, there was always a bigger picture. What I didn't know when I started this blog was that it was giving me a voice that turned out to be a ministry of sorts, proving that God really can use any and all things to do His work. There have been so many tears shed by me and on behalf of me in the past, so I'm finally glad to have something happy to report! In 2011 alone, there have been so many full circle moments and "AH-HAs" that God has used to teach me some valuable lessons...mainly that His ways are better than my ways all the time!
The biggest light-bulb moment thus far happened on October 22nd as I stood on the white, sandy beach of Destin, Florida and said "I Do!" to the love of my life, Mr. Rex Neely. All of my mistakes, hurts and questions of the past got answered on that day. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord had been preparing me for that moment for quite awhile. Our wedding was a celebration of our trust in the Lord, even in some dark times, and hanging on to His promises in the good times and the bad. During our ceremony, I had this sense of cherishing every second and not wanting to forget one thing that was said or was happening as it was all so very surreal. I remember thinking as we got towards the end that I never wanted it to end and I wanted the minister to slow down! I was so enjoying every moment! We both really wanted to feel God's presence on our special day and several things happened that made us both smile and reassure us that He was most certainly smiling down upon us.
First off, the weather was absolutely perfect. Not too cold, not too hot, not windy, not humid, not a cloud in the sky...absolutely perfect. I had worried about that part of it, and I had to smile as I walked down the "aisle" that God had created the perfect day. Later, my sister told me that all during the ceremony and while we were having pictures made after, there was a Monarch butterfly following me around, to the point of people beginning to notice (everyone except me!)...I like to think of it as a little guardian angel fluttering about and protecting us! Despite being on a public beach, we had picked a remote place in hopes that the wedding would not be gawking-material for every random tourist. There were people at a distance in their beach chairs soaking up the sun but they were SILENT during the ceremony. I could see several of them hanging on our every word! After the minister pronounced us 'Mr. and Mrs. Neely', we turned around to the sound of our "guests" clapping, which was sweet, unexpected and made us laugh. Later, after the cake was cut and we were relaxing before dinner, two of the beach goers came over to our table and introduced themselves. They had been laying on the beach all day and when they saw the area being set up for the wedding earlier in the day, they decided they should pray for whoever was getting married later. As we visited with these complete strangers, they said after hearing our vows, then knew we were Christians and they could just tell how much we loved one another, how happy we were and they knew God had asked them in advance to cover us in prayer. What do you say to that?! (That caused me and my sister to cry yet again!). We never saw them again, but I will always remember their sweet words and how they allowed God to use them. Besides those two sweet ladies, I can not tell you how many phone calls, texts, emails and Facebook messages we got from friends and family saying they were praying at 3pm for us, which was the time of the wedding. I can tell you, however, that each of those prayers were felt. We are so blessed to have such wonderful support! And lastly, that night as we sat on the beach for our private "toes in the sand" dinner, God delivered the most gorgeous sunset I have ever seen in my life-to-date. It truly was a work of art that felt like it has been hand-painted just for us. Even though I know there isn't much perfect in this fallen, messed-up world we live in, that day felt perfect. It was all we hoped for, looked forward to and so much more! I know that did not happen by accident...it was because God was there in some mighty ways making sure of it.
For all of you who have prayed for me over the years, thank you from the bottom of my heart. God answered so many prayers and redeemed the pain of the past on October 22nd for both Rex and I...and He's not done yet! This truly marks a beginning for the two of us, not just as husband and wife, but in how the Lord is going to use us to do His work in the future. Exciting times for the Neely Family!
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
JOY
The biggest light-bulb moment thus far happened on October 22nd as I stood on the white, sandy beach of Destin, Florida and said "I Do!" to the love of my life, Mr. Rex Neely. All of my mistakes, hurts and questions of the past got answered on that day. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord had been preparing me for that moment for quite awhile. Our wedding was a celebration of our trust in the Lord, even in some dark times, and hanging on to His promises in the good times and the bad. During our ceremony, I had this sense of cherishing every second and not wanting to forget one thing that was said or was happening as it was all so very surreal. I remember thinking as we got towards the end that I never wanted it to end and I wanted the minister to slow down! I was so enjoying every moment! We both really wanted to feel God's presence on our special day and several things happened that made us both smile and reassure us that He was most certainly smiling down upon us.
First off, the weather was absolutely perfect. Not too cold, not too hot, not windy, not humid, not a cloud in the sky...absolutely perfect. I had worried about that part of it, and I had to smile as I walked down the "aisle" that God had created the perfect day. Later, my sister told me that all during the ceremony and while we were having pictures made after, there was a Monarch butterfly following me around, to the point of people beginning to notice (everyone except me!)...I like to think of it as a little guardian angel fluttering about and protecting us! Despite being on a public beach, we had picked a remote place in hopes that the wedding would not be gawking-material for every random tourist. There were people at a distance in their beach chairs soaking up the sun but they were SILENT during the ceremony. I could see several of them hanging on our every word! After the minister pronounced us 'Mr. and Mrs. Neely', we turned around to the sound of our "guests" clapping, which was sweet, unexpected and made us laugh. Later, after the cake was cut and we were relaxing before dinner, two of the beach goers came over to our table and introduced themselves. They had been laying on the beach all day and when they saw the area being set up for the wedding earlier in the day, they decided they should pray for whoever was getting married later. As we visited with these complete strangers, they said after hearing our vows, then knew we were Christians and they could just tell how much we loved one another, how happy we were and they knew God had asked them in advance to cover us in prayer. What do you say to that?! (That caused me and my sister to cry yet again!). We never saw them again, but I will always remember their sweet words and how they allowed God to use them. Besides those two sweet ladies, I can not tell you how many phone calls, texts, emails and Facebook messages we got from friends and family saying they were praying at 3pm for us, which was the time of the wedding. I can tell you, however, that each of those prayers were felt. We are so blessed to have such wonderful support! And lastly, that night as we sat on the beach for our private "toes in the sand" dinner, God delivered the most gorgeous sunset I have ever seen in my life-to-date. It truly was a work of art that felt like it has been hand-painted just for us. Even though I know there isn't much perfect in this fallen, messed-up world we live in, that day felt perfect. It was all we hoped for, looked forward to and so much more! I know that did not happen by accident...it was because God was there in some mighty ways making sure of it.
For all of you who have prayed for me over the years, thank you from the bottom of my heart. God answered so many prayers and redeemed the pain of the past on October 22nd for both Rex and I...and He's not done yet! This truly marks a beginning for the two of us, not just as husband and wife, but in how the Lord is going to use us to do His work in the future. Exciting times for the Neely Family!
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
JOY
 |
| Rex & Joy Neely |
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Someone Pinch Me!
As I sit here at my desk today, I can't believe that in 48 hours, I will be Mrs. Rex Neely. Someone needs to come over to my office and pinch me so I can make sure this has not all been a dream! Sure, I'm excited about going to Florida, having a beautiful wedding on the beach with the man I love and getting to spend a week uninterrupted, just the two of us. Who wouldn't be excited about that? But more than that, I can't wait to be married to this man and just do life with him every day and see God's promises to me fulfilled.
You see, back before Rex was even in the picture, God sent me to His word over and over to specific promises in Isaiah that I WOULD be married, I WOULD have a family and He WOULD restore all I lost double-fold. Over and over again, He assured me that life was not over...quite the opposite, it was finally going to begin. I clung to those promises and the verses of Jeremiah 29:11 and Habakkuk 2:3 that God did have a plan and a purpose for me; it just wasn't the right time just yet. I believed it all, but it was very hard to wrap my head around at that time. It all seemed so...impossible? Unlikely? Crazy? But our God is a crazy, out-of-the-box type of God!
So fast forward to when Rex and I began to just reconnect friend-wise. We had shared a lot of time talking, texting, and emailing and just rekindling the friendship from years past. I went home one weekend to visit my family, and he invited me to his church, as he was leading worship that weekend. I sat next to his parents during the service and I was floored by the worship music and reminded of how very talented he was and I thoroughly enjoyed it all. But, right in the middle of the worship set, God spoke a word over me that literally made me look around to see if anyone else had heard it! Loud and clear, He said that THIS MAN would be my husband (and of course I started to cry). Again, in this moment, he and I just being friends, that seemed so bizarre. There was no romance yet or even dating. I had been praying for God to pick out my husband for me if He so desired as I did a pretty awful job of that the last go-round. But Rex Neely? The guy who had been a friend forever and I grew up with? Who actually SANG AT MY FIRST WEDDING (who says God doesn't have a sense of humor!?)? It's not that I was not attracted to him; I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread! But, I didn't think he thought of ME in that way. And of top of all of that, I was so far from being interested in dating much less marriage in that moment! I almost felt guilty sitting next to his family having these thoughts...like they might figure it out and someone would escort me out of the church in a straight jacket! I told very few people of this experience because, let's face it, it made me look like a nut! The people I did tell prayed along side of me...prayed for doors to close or open according to God's will for my life. I guess I don't have to tell you what happened from there...
This weekend, some friends had an engagement party for us and these were the same friends that have been through hell with me in the past, who prayed for me and believed in God's faithfulness despite some dark times in my life. It was so wonderful to be able to celebrate and laugh and just see God's hand all over the past years. One of them wrote to me on Monday and I wanted to share an excerpt from her email as I couldn't describe the present time any better:
So now, you understand why I sit here, in awe and amazement at what God has done and what events have unfolded to have me preparing for my wedding day to the man God promised to me some time ago. It is a wonderful feeling to see His promises come full circle and for Him to answer my prayers in such a real and tangible way. And God did bring me a double portion because I'm not just getting one man...I'm getting two with Rex and his son, Brady! How's that for being very intentional and specific?! There is such peace, joy and contentment as I prepare to make a covenant to the man God created specifically for ME...it's a feeling that just can't be described. I love the fact that the Lord loves me that much to give me such a sweet second chance for a do-over here on Earth. God is good and faithful to complete what He starts...even if sometimes we just can't understand the time frame. Wait for it...it certainly will come!
Headed to the chapel,
Joy Almost-Neely :)
You see, back before Rex was even in the picture, God sent me to His word over and over to specific promises in Isaiah that I WOULD be married, I WOULD have a family and He WOULD restore all I lost double-fold. Over and over again, He assured me that life was not over...quite the opposite, it was finally going to begin. I clung to those promises and the verses of Jeremiah 29:11 and Habakkuk 2:3 that God did have a plan and a purpose for me; it just wasn't the right time just yet. I believed it all, but it was very hard to wrap my head around at that time. It all seemed so...impossible? Unlikely? Crazy? But our God is a crazy, out-of-the-box type of God!
So fast forward to when Rex and I began to just reconnect friend-wise. We had shared a lot of time talking, texting, and emailing and just rekindling the friendship from years past. I went home one weekend to visit my family, and he invited me to his church, as he was leading worship that weekend. I sat next to his parents during the service and I was floored by the worship music and reminded of how very talented he was and I thoroughly enjoyed it all. But, right in the middle of the worship set, God spoke a word over me that literally made me look around to see if anyone else had heard it! Loud and clear, He said that THIS MAN would be my husband (and of course I started to cry). Again, in this moment, he and I just being friends, that seemed so bizarre. There was no romance yet or even dating. I had been praying for God to pick out my husband for me if He so desired as I did a pretty awful job of that the last go-round. But Rex Neely? The guy who had been a friend forever and I grew up with? Who actually SANG AT MY FIRST WEDDING (who says God doesn't have a sense of humor!?)? It's not that I was not attracted to him; I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread! But, I didn't think he thought of ME in that way. And of top of all of that, I was so far from being interested in dating much less marriage in that moment! I almost felt guilty sitting next to his family having these thoughts...like they might figure it out and someone would escort me out of the church in a straight jacket! I told very few people of this experience because, let's face it, it made me look like a nut! The people I did tell prayed along side of me...prayed for doors to close or open according to God's will for my life. I guess I don't have to tell you what happened from there...
This weekend, some friends had an engagement party for us and these were the same friends that have been through hell with me in the past, who prayed for me and believed in God's faithfulness despite some dark times in my life. It was so wonderful to be able to celebrate and laugh and just see God's hand all over the past years. One of them wrote to me on Monday and I wanted to share an excerpt from her email as I couldn't describe the present time any better:
"Do you remember that huge jet fuel tanker that wrecked and blew up in Roanoke on 114 about a month or so ago? It burned for so long, like 8 or 9 hours. Just HUGE fireballs and thick black smoke all afternoon and evening. I pass the scorched median and the road with the blackest of black burns on my way to work each morning. Today the traffic was backed up so what I would usually zip right past, I had a chance to sit and stare at for a minute. The Earth there is just obliterated. I mean, if you looked at it now and had never seen it before you’d think it was never going to recover. Just raw! Having seen it every day though, I’ve seen small improvements in the time since. Today though, I can see these brilliantly green, though few and far between, blades of grass starting to poke up in the midst of this char. It reminded me of your situation and how God is at work even when things look completely hopeless from our perspective. I love that God took what Satan intended for evil and pain and brought abundant beauty and joy out of the ashes. I mean, this has to be a little surreal for you…who would have thought, on your very worst day in your darkest hour during the divorce, that God already knew His plan for you and it was going to be SOOOO good?!?! I love that God was already at work within your heart and in Rex’s to prepare you each for the other. That little bit of bright green grass this morning was God using nature to remind me of the hope that is always there when we trust in Him. I am so, so grateful for a front row seat to watch this miracle that has taken place in your life. I barely know Rex but I absolutely love him because I feel like I’ve seen God’s fingerprints on everything that has happened between y’all. He is the human answer to all of our prayers for you but SOOO much better than we even knew to ask God for."
So now, you understand why I sit here, in awe and amazement at what God has done and what events have unfolded to have me preparing for my wedding day to the man God promised to me some time ago. It is a wonderful feeling to see His promises come full circle and for Him to answer my prayers in such a real and tangible way. And God did bring me a double portion because I'm not just getting one man...I'm getting two with Rex and his son, Brady! How's that for being very intentional and specific?! There is such peace, joy and contentment as I prepare to make a covenant to the man God created specifically for ME...it's a feeling that just can't be described. I love the fact that the Lord loves me that much to give me such a sweet second chance for a do-over here on Earth. God is good and faithful to complete what He starts...even if sometimes we just can't understand the time frame. Wait for it...it certainly will come!
Headed to the chapel,
Joy Almost-Neely :)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Who's Wearing the Crown in My Life?
Right now, my life is filled with blessings that are too numerous to count. Every day overflows with joy. I'm in a season of mountain top experiences and I won't lie...I love it. It's much more fun to be in this place vs the trials and tribulations I've faced in the past in life's painful valleys.
But still, I struggle.
That may sound bizarre after my over-flowing-with-happiness statement above BUT I'm realizing that it is much more difficult to cling on to God and be desperate for Him when life is bliss. Truth be told, you are never closer to God than when you have hit rock-bottom. When you are knocked down to your knees, it is more natural to be seeking the Lord's will, giving Him control of your life and be in complete submittal to His plan. Or maybe that's just me? On the flip side of that coin, when life is on easy street and blessings are just falling out of the sky into your lap, it becomes tempting to start grabbing back some of that control and becoming independent, even if it's on a subconscious level.
The Lord keeps gently reminding me to stay grounded in His will in various ways, and today, it was while I was having my own little private praise and worship time as I drove down I-635 North in Dallas (for all those early morning commuters that passed me, I'm sorry if you thought I was having an epileptic seizure. I was just expressing my freedom to worship however I so choose, even if that might be non-conventional!). I find it interesting that you can listen to the same song a million times and then on that million and oneth time, something very fresh and new hits you between the eyeballs and grabs your attention, such as these lyrics from different songs:
Don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with being blessed and the Lord bringing GOOD into your life. Embrace it! Enjoy it! Praise Him for it! I've just been reminded to be sure to give credit where credit is due and to continue to seek Him with the same intensity on the mountain tops as in the valleys.
Am I the only one who struggles with staying grounded during the mountaintops of this life?
Keepin' It Real,
JOY
But still, I struggle.
That may sound bizarre after my over-flowing-with-happiness statement above BUT I'm realizing that it is much more difficult to cling on to God and be desperate for Him when life is bliss. Truth be told, you are never closer to God than when you have hit rock-bottom. When you are knocked down to your knees, it is more natural to be seeking the Lord's will, giving Him control of your life and be in complete submittal to His plan. Or maybe that's just me? On the flip side of that coin, when life is on easy street and blessings are just falling out of the sky into your lap, it becomes tempting to start grabbing back some of that control and becoming independent, even if it's on a subconscious level.
The Lord keeps gently reminding me to stay grounded in His will in various ways, and today, it was while I was having my own little private praise and worship time as I drove down I-635 North in Dallas (for all those early morning commuters that passed me, I'm sorry if you thought I was having an epileptic seizure. I was just expressing my freedom to worship however I so choose, even if that might be non-conventional!). I find it interesting that you can listen to the same song a million times and then on that million and oneth time, something very fresh and new hits you between the eyeballs and grabs your attention, such as these lyrics from different songs:
- And when I'm doing well, help me to never seek a crown. For my reward is giving glory to YOU. (Keith Green)
- Give me grace to see beyond this moment here, to believe there is nothing left to fear. And you were on it, high above it all, and you, My God, are greater still! (Natalie Grant)
- This is my prayer in the harvest, where favor and providence flow. I know I'm filled to be emptied again...the seed I've received I will sow. (Hillsong)
Don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with being blessed and the Lord bringing GOOD into your life. Embrace it! Enjoy it! Praise Him for it! I've just been reminded to be sure to give credit where credit is due and to continue to seek Him with the same intensity on the mountain tops as in the valleys.
Am I the only one who struggles with staying grounded during the mountaintops of this life?
Keepin' It Real,
JOY
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Beauty from the Ashes, aka I'm Getting Married!
Last week, the man I love with all my heart, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and spend the rest of our lives together. And of course...I said YES!
Is that sinking in? Yes, I'm engaged. Do what?! It's hard to imagine when I think back a year ago on my life and see all the amazing things God has done. But even I, with all my hopes and expectations did not expect that on October 22nd of this year, I would be saying "I Do" again. This season of engagement, wedding and marriage is the culmination of a promise that God made to me about a year ago.
Let me back track for a minute...last year when I went on my "Assignment Solitude" journey, the Lord really spoke some amazing promises to me. Some were very unbelievable at that time...and I mean VERY. One in particular was the fact that I would be married again and I would have a family. The Lord kept leading me to Isaiah 61 over and over and stressing that point to me. To someone who is 35 years old, that seems a little bit laughable. Especially when you throw in the fact that I had zero interest in dating anyone. Let's just say I wasn't a very willing candidate for dating, much less marriage. Don't get me wrong, I still believed in love and I believed marriage could be forever and that two people could stick to their covenant vows...I had seen it, and I knew it existed. But did I think it would happen anytime soon? No, I really didn't. I thought maybe five years or so on down the road if I ever started to have some remote interest in dating, maybe I would meet "the guy", but I was not concerned about it. Friends and family would say, "You won't be single long" or something of that nature and it honestly made me mad! I was happy for the first time in a long time and it didn't depend on anyone but the Lord. I had found my "source" and I knew He would never let me down. I was never the "I hate men/scorned woman" by any means. But at the same time, it just really didn't hold much interest to me. The thought of going on a date? Going on a series of bad dinners just to have someone else pay? Ummm, no thanks. I could buy my own dinner and actually enjoy it and at the same time, avoid awkward silence while pretending to get to know someone just so you can get your friend off your back in order to convince them you are not a lonely cat lady of sorts!
And then, of course enters Mr. Rex Neely...someone I've actually known my entire life as he grew up across the pasture from me and I had always considered a friend. His family and mine have always been friends, and even though I hadn't seen him in about ten years, I had kept up with him through my family. We reunited as friends and started catching up on the past decade and through renewing the friendship, I realized that there was a lot more to this guy than I ever knew (as I told my friends, a guy sharing his heart and what God is doing in his life is just H.O.T.! I never stood a chance!). In fact, the years had brought him his own source of trials and there were many similarities in our situations, even the way we had come out of those same trials. We had both allowed God to refine us through some very difficult times and we had done a lot of growing up and maturing in the process. After months of just talking, we started to hang out as friends and over a period of months, we became best friends. I realized early on that there was more there than just friends and I prayed constantly that the Lord would close the door on my feelings if this is not what He wanted (and little did I know, Rex was praying the same thing!). Quite the opposite happened...every door kept flying open and God even spoke directly to me more than once that Rex would be my husband (yeah, that freaked me out more than a little bit). In March, we finally had "The Talk" and both admitted that this had become more than just friends (thank goodness we both felt exactly the same!)...and now what were we going to do?! There was a lot of praying going on but we both felt the green light on entering into dating and we did so cautiously because neither of us wanted to lose the friendship. Fortunately, it entered into a relationship quickly and the foundation of friendship that we had established just became a catalyst for the relationship.
I'll admit, for both of us, it was pretty amazing and shocking to see how we were so perfect for one another from the beginning. I'm far from perfect but it turns out, I'm perfect for him and vice versa. He knows how to handle my moods and what to say when I'm having a bad day, and just how to encourage me and remind me of the promises the Lord has given to me. The deepness of the relationship, even in the early days, was astounding to me. I had never known what I was missing out on before but I finally began to see that my past relationship was very superficial. I saw what can happen when you give the Lord the reins and you let HIM infuse you with love for the other person. It just takes things to an entirely different level! It didn't take us long to see that God made us for one another and that He was giving us a second chance to let Him lead this time. All those lessons we learned were not in vain after all! I can honestly say that all the pain of the past is totally worth it to be where I'm at today...no regrets. It finally all makes sense and I'm glad for those trials that made me who I am today in order for me to receive this gift that God has in store for me.
In past relationships, there has always been something maybe that didn't line up quite right. Things that don't seem like a big deal, and you think "I can live with that"...but they are compromises. So, it's amazing when there are no red flags, or compromises, at all in this journey. Everything has lined up and God has continued to confirm the relationship over and over again. That peaceful feeling and being in the center of God's will just can't be beat. God never makes false promises and not only am I getting married, I'm also gaining a wonderful, almost-16 year old son that I love dearly and am thrilled to be a part of his life! What seemed laughable a year ago, is now a very real and tangible fufilled promise.
I love this man with all of my heart and I have a strong desire to be that Proverbs 31 wife to him and to be in a marriage where we honor God and serve Him together. As excited as I am about rings, wedding plans, and the honeymoon, I am MUCH more excited about entering into a marriage for the rest of my life with a man who is my best friend and I love so deeply and who loves me in return in the same way. I'm looking forward to the next season of our lives and what God has in store for us. Such beauty out of the ashes of our past failures!
For those of you who may be now where I've been in the past and you just can't see how love and life can ever be different, hold on for what God has in store for you! Yes, the slate can be wiped clean and ALL things can be made new again. Yes, the pain of past mistakes and hurts can be redeemed. Yes, you can trust and love again and whatever you lost can be restored in a double portion! And Yes, love can be so much better the second time around! Do not put God in a box or limit what you think He can do because He truly can do more than we ask or imagine. Hold on to that and let Him rewrite your love story...He knows every desire of your heart and He holds the master plan!
Thankful for Grace!
JOY
Is that sinking in? Yes, I'm engaged. Do what?! It's hard to imagine when I think back a year ago on my life and see all the amazing things God has done. But even I, with all my hopes and expectations did not expect that on October 22nd of this year, I would be saying "I Do" again. This season of engagement, wedding and marriage is the culmination of a promise that God made to me about a year ago.
Let me back track for a minute...last year when I went on my "Assignment Solitude" journey, the Lord really spoke some amazing promises to me. Some were very unbelievable at that time...and I mean VERY. One in particular was the fact that I would be married again and I would have a family. The Lord kept leading me to Isaiah 61 over and over and stressing that point to me. To someone who is 35 years old, that seems a little bit laughable. Especially when you throw in the fact that I had zero interest in dating anyone. Let's just say I wasn't a very willing candidate for dating, much less marriage. Don't get me wrong, I still believed in love and I believed marriage could be forever and that two people could stick to their covenant vows...I had seen it, and I knew it existed. But did I think it would happen anytime soon? No, I really didn't. I thought maybe five years or so on down the road if I ever started to have some remote interest in dating, maybe I would meet "the guy", but I was not concerned about it. Friends and family would say, "You won't be single long" or something of that nature and it honestly made me mad! I was happy for the first time in a long time and it didn't depend on anyone but the Lord. I had found my "source" and I knew He would never let me down. I was never the "I hate men/scorned woman" by any means. But at the same time, it just really didn't hold much interest to me. The thought of going on a date? Going on a series of bad dinners just to have someone else pay? Ummm, no thanks. I could buy my own dinner and actually enjoy it and at the same time, avoid awkward silence while pretending to get to know someone just so you can get your friend off your back in order to convince them you are not a lonely cat lady of sorts!
And then, of course enters Mr. Rex Neely...someone I've actually known my entire life as he grew up across the pasture from me and I had always considered a friend. His family and mine have always been friends, and even though I hadn't seen him in about ten years, I had kept up with him through my family. We reunited as friends and started catching up on the past decade and through renewing the friendship, I realized that there was a lot more to this guy than I ever knew (as I told my friends, a guy sharing his heart and what God is doing in his life is just H.O.T.! I never stood a chance!). In fact, the years had brought him his own source of trials and there were many similarities in our situations, even the way we had come out of those same trials. We had both allowed God to refine us through some very difficult times and we had done a lot of growing up and maturing in the process. After months of just talking, we started to hang out as friends and over a period of months, we became best friends. I realized early on that there was more there than just friends and I prayed constantly that the Lord would close the door on my feelings if this is not what He wanted (and little did I know, Rex was praying the same thing!). Quite the opposite happened...every door kept flying open and God even spoke directly to me more than once that Rex would be my husband (yeah, that freaked me out more than a little bit). In March, we finally had "The Talk" and both admitted that this had become more than just friends (thank goodness we both felt exactly the same!)...and now what were we going to do?! There was a lot of praying going on but we both felt the green light on entering into dating and we did so cautiously because neither of us wanted to lose the friendship. Fortunately, it entered into a relationship quickly and the foundation of friendship that we had established just became a catalyst for the relationship.
I'll admit, for both of us, it was pretty amazing and shocking to see how we were so perfect for one another from the beginning. I'm far from perfect but it turns out, I'm perfect for him and vice versa. He knows how to handle my moods and what to say when I'm having a bad day, and just how to encourage me and remind me of the promises the Lord has given to me. The deepness of the relationship, even in the early days, was astounding to me. I had never known what I was missing out on before but I finally began to see that my past relationship was very superficial. I saw what can happen when you give the Lord the reins and you let HIM infuse you with love for the other person. It just takes things to an entirely different level! It didn't take us long to see that God made us for one another and that He was giving us a second chance to let Him lead this time. All those lessons we learned were not in vain after all! I can honestly say that all the pain of the past is totally worth it to be where I'm at today...no regrets. It finally all makes sense and I'm glad for those trials that made me who I am today in order for me to receive this gift that God has in store for me.
In past relationships, there has always been something maybe that didn't line up quite right. Things that don't seem like a big deal, and you think "I can live with that"...but they are compromises. So, it's amazing when there are no red flags, or compromises, at all in this journey. Everything has lined up and God has continued to confirm the relationship over and over again. That peaceful feeling and being in the center of God's will just can't be beat. God never makes false promises and not only am I getting married, I'm also gaining a wonderful, almost-16 year old son that I love dearly and am thrilled to be a part of his life! What seemed laughable a year ago, is now a very real and tangible fufilled promise.
I love this man with all of my heart and I have a strong desire to be that Proverbs 31 wife to him and to be in a marriage where we honor God and serve Him together. As excited as I am about rings, wedding plans, and the honeymoon, I am MUCH more excited about entering into a marriage for the rest of my life with a man who is my best friend and I love so deeply and who loves me in return in the same way. I'm looking forward to the next season of our lives and what God has in store for us. Such beauty out of the ashes of our past failures!
For those of you who may be now where I've been in the past and you just can't see how love and life can ever be different, hold on for what God has in store for you! Yes, the slate can be wiped clean and ALL things can be made new again. Yes, the pain of past mistakes and hurts can be redeemed. Yes, you can trust and love again and whatever you lost can be restored in a double portion! And Yes, love can be so much better the second time around! Do not put God in a box or limit what you think He can do because He truly can do more than we ask or imagine. Hold on to that and let Him rewrite your love story...He knows every desire of your heart and He holds the master plan!
Thankful for Grace!
JOY
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Break My Heart
For a few days now, I've been in a battle between my spiritual side and my worldly side and let me just say, it hasn't been much fun. But, it has driven me to my knees as I've cried out to God for answers. I've had to continue to refocus my eyes heavenward, but the truth is it has been an exhausting time. My mind knows the truths but it's been a tough sell getting them down into my heart!
As I told a friend, I've felt like I needed to sit down and have myself a good cry. The tears were right at the surface, but they just wouldn't come, even with the pent up emotions behind them. However, when I awoke today, I had a fresh outlook and the mind set that I should be counting my blessings, as they are so numerous. During my quiet time, I was just thanking God for what I DO have and out of no where, I just started praying, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours"....over and over and over again. And in the midst of those words, my heart truly did start breaking and the tears finally began to fall. It was one of those "presence of the Lord" moments. In an instant, I saw things through God's eyes. I realized that what I'm praying for, what I'm wrestling with and and tied up in knots over is NOT a thing that would break God's heart, so why is it breaking mine? Sure, they are desires of my heart and sure, I know they are important to God BUT they are wants and not needs. And on top of that, I know God has promised these things to me and they will happen, but in His timing, in His ways, and not necessarily in my ways. This is where the rubber meets the road and where true faith and trust comes in...when times get tough, am I going to believe and stay the course, or am I going to throw the towel in?
Instantaneously, I was humbled and I had a huge perspective shift. I had to repent of being so selfish and self-involved. I live a charmed life and I know it. God has provided for me in ways that I sure don't deserve. I know people RIGHT NOW who are waiting and believing in God's promises to restore a marriage, even though their husband has left, divorced them and is even engaged to someone else. But, He's spoken loud and clear. We know He's not a liar and He will bring His promises forth in the perfect time. Now THAT'S heart breaking to live through and THAT'S a trial and a test of the faith on a daily basis. I've had the ability in the past to serve those and live amongst those who have no food, who go to bed hungry EVERY NIGHT, who have no bed to lay down on to rest, not even a home for that matter, no running water and certainly no electricity to survive in the heat of the summer...yet they have smiles on their faces and a song in their heart. Last time I checked, I live in a wonderful house, I've NEVER gone to bed hungry nor do any of my friends, I sleep pretty darn well on a sealy posture pedic pillow top matress every night, in a home with hot and cold running water I can use anytime I want, and electricity and air conditioning to keep me cool in the 100 degree temps. I'm considered Richey Rich by pretty much the rest of the world's standards, many who live on a mere $2 a day. Those who are hungry, who have no chance of a future and no one to care about them and help them...THAT breaks God's heart. I also know families who are walking through the pain of a loved one dying of cancer and losing their hard fought battle, as well as those who have already lost a beloved husband, father, mother, or a close loved one. THAT'S heart breaking. These are the things that break God's heart and they should break mine.
One of my favorite songs has always been Hosana, because of that one line I prayed today is in that song. I always, always, ALWAYS cry when I sing/hear that part (I'm so predictable!)...now, I know it will mean even more to me.
I'm sorry to go all Sally Struther's on you today, but it's the revelation I've been given. Count your blessings...they far outweigh the struggles. Praise God for what you DO have and be thankful. If you need a healthy dose of perspective, pray the prayer, "break my heart for what breaks yours" and see your eyes opened to the heart of God.
Thankful today for a broken heart and a loving Father,
JOY
As I told a friend, I've felt like I needed to sit down and have myself a good cry. The tears were right at the surface, but they just wouldn't come, even with the pent up emotions behind them. However, when I awoke today, I had a fresh outlook and the mind set that I should be counting my blessings, as they are so numerous. During my quiet time, I was just thanking God for what I DO have and out of no where, I just started praying, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours"....over and over and over again. And in the midst of those words, my heart truly did start breaking and the tears finally began to fall. It was one of those "presence of the Lord" moments. In an instant, I saw things through God's eyes. I realized that what I'm praying for, what I'm wrestling with and and tied up in knots over is NOT a thing that would break God's heart, so why is it breaking mine? Sure, they are desires of my heart and sure, I know they are important to God BUT they are wants and not needs. And on top of that, I know God has promised these things to me and they will happen, but in His timing, in His ways, and not necessarily in my ways. This is where the rubber meets the road and where true faith and trust comes in...when times get tough, am I going to believe and stay the course, or am I going to throw the towel in?
Instantaneously, I was humbled and I had a huge perspective shift. I had to repent of being so selfish and self-involved. I live a charmed life and I know it. God has provided for me in ways that I sure don't deserve. I know people RIGHT NOW who are waiting and believing in God's promises to restore a marriage, even though their husband has left, divorced them and is even engaged to someone else. But, He's spoken loud and clear. We know He's not a liar and He will bring His promises forth in the perfect time. Now THAT'S heart breaking to live through and THAT'S a trial and a test of the faith on a daily basis. I've had the ability in the past to serve those and live amongst those who have no food, who go to bed hungry EVERY NIGHT, who have no bed to lay down on to rest, not even a home for that matter, no running water and certainly no electricity to survive in the heat of the summer...yet they have smiles on their faces and a song in their heart. Last time I checked, I live in a wonderful house, I've NEVER gone to bed hungry nor do any of my friends, I sleep pretty darn well on a sealy posture pedic pillow top matress every night, in a home with hot and cold running water I can use anytime I want, and electricity and air conditioning to keep me cool in the 100 degree temps. I'm considered Richey Rich by pretty much the rest of the world's standards, many who live on a mere $2 a day. Those who are hungry, who have no chance of a future and no one to care about them and help them...THAT breaks God's heart. I also know families who are walking through the pain of a loved one dying of cancer and losing their hard fought battle, as well as those who have already lost a beloved husband, father, mother, or a close loved one. THAT'S heart breaking. These are the things that break God's heart and they should break mine.
One of my favorite songs has always been Hosana, because of that one line I prayed today is in that song. I always, always, ALWAYS cry when I sing/hear that part (I'm so predictable!)...now, I know it will mean even more to me.
I'm sorry to go all Sally Struther's on you today, but it's the revelation I've been given. Count your blessings...they far outweigh the struggles. Praise God for what you DO have and be thankful. If you need a healthy dose of perspective, pray the prayer, "break my heart for what breaks yours" and see your eyes opened to the heart of God.
Thankful today for a broken heart and a loving Father,
JOY
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
One Glorious Day
Psalm 84:10
"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [anywhere else]; I would rather be a doorkeeper and stand at the threshold in the house of my God than to dwell [at ease] in the tents of wickedness."
Have you ever had a day where you just felt like you were swimming upstream? A tried and true, all-out struggle? I've been having a WEEK like that (and by the way, it's only Tuesday...Lord help me!) and when these struggles occur, they drain me emotionally and spiritually. I keep reminding myself that these trials and momentary weaknesses are achieving a long-term Kingdom focus in my life. There is always a purpose and God can bring great things out of these struggles. I know it's an attack and I recognize where it comes from, but that doesn't mean it's not tough to experience.
And then I'm reminded of the verse above, which by no coincidence, the song, "Better is One Day", has been rolling around in my head for weeks as well. Too many times, I get so caught up in my own little battles and struggles, that seem monumentous to me at the time, and I forget that we are called to a higher purpose. All these struggles and problems we WILL face in this world will one day melt away...and one day in the Lord's courts will be better than a 1000 days here on Earth.
Just think about that...1000 days is roughly 2.75 years. Wrap your head around that...one single day with the Lord can blow a few years out of the water here on Earth! I can have 1000 horrible, no good, very bad days here...but they will all pale in comparison to just one day in the presence of the Lord. Thinking in those terms helps me adjust my attitude, count my blessings and think about all the wonderful things God has done for me in my life. I begin to realize I would rather have the struggle, do the hard work out of obedience, and allow God to continue His work in me, than to take the easy road, coast, give up and live in the world.
So, on days like today where I'm having a rough go of it, I try my best to keep my sights on that one day and remind myself, it's not about me....it's about Him. It never has been about me, as much as my selfish desires want to tell me it is.
"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [anywhere else]; I would rather be a doorkeeper and stand at the threshold in the house of my God than to dwell [at ease] in the tents of wickedness."
Have you ever had a day where you just felt like you were swimming upstream? A tried and true, all-out struggle? I've been having a WEEK like that (and by the way, it's only Tuesday...Lord help me!) and when these struggles occur, they drain me emotionally and spiritually. I keep reminding myself that these trials and momentary weaknesses are achieving a long-term Kingdom focus in my life. There is always a purpose and God can bring great things out of these struggles. I know it's an attack and I recognize where it comes from, but that doesn't mean it's not tough to experience.
And then I'm reminded of the verse above, which by no coincidence, the song, "Better is One Day", has been rolling around in my head for weeks as well. Too many times, I get so caught up in my own little battles and struggles, that seem monumentous to me at the time, and I forget that we are called to a higher purpose. All these struggles and problems we WILL face in this world will one day melt away...and one day in the Lord's courts will be better than a 1000 days here on Earth.
Just think about that...1000 days is roughly 2.75 years. Wrap your head around that...one single day with the Lord can blow a few years out of the water here on Earth! I can have 1000 horrible, no good, very bad days here...but they will all pale in comparison to just one day in the presence of the Lord. Thinking in those terms helps me adjust my attitude, count my blessings and think about all the wonderful things God has done for me in my life. I begin to realize I would rather have the struggle, do the hard work out of obedience, and allow God to continue His work in me, than to take the easy road, coast, give up and live in the world.
So, on days like today where I'm having a rough go of it, I try my best to keep my sights on that one day and remind myself, it's not about me....it's about Him. It never has been about me, as much as my selfish desires want to tell me it is.
It's about the Kingdom...
It's about Worship...
It's about Relationship...
It's about One Glorious Day!
Better is One Day!
JOY
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