Last week, the man I love with all my heart, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and spend the rest of our lives together. And of course...I said YES!
Is that sinking in? Yes, I'm engaged. Do what?! It's hard to imagine when I think back a year ago on my life and see all the amazing things God has done. But even I, with all my hopes and expectations did not expect that on October 22nd of this year, I would be saying "I Do" again. This season of engagement, wedding and marriage is the culmination of a promise that God made to me about a year ago.
Let me back track for a minute...last year when I went on my "Assignment Solitude" journey, the Lord really spoke some amazing promises to me. Some were very unbelievable at that time...and I mean VERY. One in particular was the fact that I would be married again and I would have a family. The Lord kept leading me to Isaiah 61 over and over and stressing that point to me. To someone who is 35 years old, that seems a little bit laughable. Especially when you throw in the fact that I had zero interest in dating anyone. Let's just say I wasn't a very willing candidate for dating, much less marriage. Don't get me wrong, I still believed in love and I believed marriage could be forever and that two people could stick to their covenant vows...I had seen it, and I knew it existed. But did I think it would happen anytime soon? No, I really didn't. I thought maybe five years or so on down the road if I ever started to have some remote interest in dating, maybe I would meet "the guy", but I was not concerned about it. Friends and family would say, "You won't be single long" or something of that nature and it honestly made me mad! I was happy for the first time in a long time and it didn't depend on anyone but the Lord. I had found my "source" and I knew He would never let me down. I was never the "I hate men/scorned woman" by any means. But at the same time, it just really didn't hold much interest to me. The thought of going on a date? Going on a series of bad dinners just to have someone else pay? Ummm, no thanks. I could buy my own dinner and actually enjoy it and at the same time, avoid awkward silence while pretending to get to know someone just so you can get your friend off your back in order to convince them you are not a lonely cat lady of sorts!
And then, of course enters Mr. Rex Neely...someone I've actually known my entire life as he grew up across the pasture from me and I had always considered a friend. His family and mine have always been friends, and even though I hadn't seen him in about ten years, I had kept up with him through my family. We reunited as friends and started catching up on the past decade and through renewing the friendship, I realized that there was a lot more to this guy than I ever knew (as I told my friends, a guy sharing his heart and what God is doing in his life is just H.O.T.! I never stood a chance!). In fact, the years had brought him his own source of trials and there were many similarities in our situations, even the way we had come out of those same trials. We had both allowed God to refine us through some very difficult times and we had done a lot of growing up and maturing in the process. After months of just talking, we started to hang out as friends and over a period of months, we became best friends. I realized early on that there was more there than just friends and I prayed constantly that the Lord would close the door on my feelings if this is not what He wanted (and little did I know, Rex was praying the same thing!). Quite the opposite happened...every door kept flying open and God even spoke directly to me more than once that Rex would be my husband (yeah, that freaked me out more than a little bit). In March, we finally had "The Talk" and both admitted that this had become more than just friends (thank goodness we both felt exactly the same!)...and now what were we going to do?! There was a lot of praying going on but we both felt the green light on entering into dating and we did so cautiously because neither of us wanted to lose the friendship. Fortunately, it entered into a relationship quickly and the foundation of friendship that we had established just became a catalyst for the relationship.
I'll admit, for both of us, it was pretty amazing and shocking to see how we were so perfect for one another from the beginning. I'm far from perfect but it turns out, I'm perfect for him and vice versa. He knows how to handle my moods and what to say when I'm having a bad day, and just how to encourage me and remind me of the promises the Lord has given to me. The deepness of the relationship, even in the early days, was astounding to me. I had never known what I was missing out on before but I finally began to see that my past relationship was very superficial. I saw what can happen when you give the Lord the reins and you let HIM infuse you with love for the other person. It just takes things to an entirely different level! It didn't take us long to see that God made us for one another and that He was giving us a second chance to let Him lead this time. All those lessons we learned were not in vain after all! I can honestly say that all the pain of the past is totally worth it to be where I'm at today...no regrets. It finally all makes sense and I'm glad for those trials that made me who I am today in order for me to receive this gift that God has in store for me.
In past relationships, there has always been something maybe that didn't line up quite right. Things that don't seem like a big deal, and you think "I can live with that"...but they are compromises. So, it's amazing when there are no red flags, or compromises, at all in this journey. Everything has lined up and God has continued to confirm the relationship over and over again. That peaceful feeling and being in the center of God's will just can't be beat. God never makes false promises and not only am I getting married, I'm also gaining a wonderful, almost-16 year old son that I love dearly and am thrilled to be a part of his life! What seemed laughable a year ago, is now a very real and tangible fufilled promise.
I love this man with all of my heart and I have a strong desire to be that Proverbs 31 wife to him and to be in a marriage where we honor God and serve Him together. As excited as I am about rings, wedding plans, and the honeymoon, I am MUCH more excited about entering into a marriage for the rest of my life with a man who is my best friend and I love so deeply and who loves me in return in the same way. I'm looking forward to the next season of our lives and what God has in store for us. Such beauty out of the ashes of our past failures!
For those of you who may be now where I've been in the past and you just can't see how love and life can ever be different, hold on for what God has in store for you! Yes, the slate can be wiped clean and ALL things can be made new again. Yes, the pain of past mistakes and hurts can be redeemed. Yes, you can trust and love again and whatever you lost can be restored in a double portion! And Yes, love can be so much better the second time around! Do not put God in a box or limit what you think He can do because He truly can do more than we ask or imagine. Hold on to that and let Him rewrite your love story...He knows every desire of your heart and He holds the master plan!
Thankful for Grace!
JOY
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Break My Heart
For a few days now, I've been in a battle between my spiritual side and my worldly side and let me just say, it hasn't been much fun. But, it has driven me to my knees as I've cried out to God for answers. I've had to continue to refocus my eyes heavenward, but the truth is it has been an exhausting time. My mind knows the truths but it's been a tough sell getting them down into my heart!
As I told a friend, I've felt like I needed to sit down and have myself a good cry. The tears were right at the surface, but they just wouldn't come, even with the pent up emotions behind them. However, when I awoke today, I had a fresh outlook and the mind set that I should be counting my blessings, as they are so numerous. During my quiet time, I was just thanking God for what I DO have and out of no where, I just started praying, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours"....over and over and over again. And in the midst of those words, my heart truly did start breaking and the tears finally began to fall. It was one of those "presence of the Lord" moments. In an instant, I saw things through God's eyes. I realized that what I'm praying for, what I'm wrestling with and and tied up in knots over is NOT a thing that would break God's heart, so why is it breaking mine? Sure, they are desires of my heart and sure, I know they are important to God BUT they are wants and not needs. And on top of that, I know God has promised these things to me and they will happen, but in His timing, in His ways, and not necessarily in my ways. This is where the rubber meets the road and where true faith and trust comes in...when times get tough, am I going to believe and stay the course, or am I going to throw the towel in?
Instantaneously, I was humbled and I had a huge perspective shift. I had to repent of being so selfish and self-involved. I live a charmed life and I know it. God has provided for me in ways that I sure don't deserve. I know people RIGHT NOW who are waiting and believing in God's promises to restore a marriage, even though their husband has left, divorced them and is even engaged to someone else. But, He's spoken loud and clear. We know He's not a liar and He will bring His promises forth in the perfect time. Now THAT'S heart breaking to live through and THAT'S a trial and a test of the faith on a daily basis. I've had the ability in the past to serve those and live amongst those who have no food, who go to bed hungry EVERY NIGHT, who have no bed to lay down on to rest, not even a home for that matter, no running water and certainly no electricity to survive in the heat of the summer...yet they have smiles on their faces and a song in their heart. Last time I checked, I live in a wonderful house, I've NEVER gone to bed hungry nor do any of my friends, I sleep pretty darn well on a sealy posture pedic pillow top matress every night, in a home with hot and cold running water I can use anytime I want, and electricity and air conditioning to keep me cool in the 100 degree temps. I'm considered Richey Rich by pretty much the rest of the world's standards, many who live on a mere $2 a day. Those who are hungry, who have no chance of a future and no one to care about them and help them...THAT breaks God's heart. I also know families who are walking through the pain of a loved one dying of cancer and losing their hard fought battle, as well as those who have already lost a beloved husband, father, mother, or a close loved one. THAT'S heart breaking. These are the things that break God's heart and they should break mine.
One of my favorite songs has always been Hosana, because of that one line I prayed today is in that song. I always, always, ALWAYS cry when I sing/hear that part (I'm so predictable!)...now, I know it will mean even more to me.
I'm sorry to go all Sally Struther's on you today, but it's the revelation I've been given. Count your blessings...they far outweigh the struggles. Praise God for what you DO have and be thankful. If you need a healthy dose of perspective, pray the prayer, "break my heart for what breaks yours" and see your eyes opened to the heart of God.
Thankful today for a broken heart and a loving Father,
JOY
As I told a friend, I've felt like I needed to sit down and have myself a good cry. The tears were right at the surface, but they just wouldn't come, even with the pent up emotions behind them. However, when I awoke today, I had a fresh outlook and the mind set that I should be counting my blessings, as they are so numerous. During my quiet time, I was just thanking God for what I DO have and out of no where, I just started praying, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours"....over and over and over again. And in the midst of those words, my heart truly did start breaking and the tears finally began to fall. It was one of those "presence of the Lord" moments. In an instant, I saw things through God's eyes. I realized that what I'm praying for, what I'm wrestling with and and tied up in knots over is NOT a thing that would break God's heart, so why is it breaking mine? Sure, they are desires of my heart and sure, I know they are important to God BUT they are wants and not needs. And on top of that, I know God has promised these things to me and they will happen, but in His timing, in His ways, and not necessarily in my ways. This is where the rubber meets the road and where true faith and trust comes in...when times get tough, am I going to believe and stay the course, or am I going to throw the towel in?
Instantaneously, I was humbled and I had a huge perspective shift. I had to repent of being so selfish and self-involved. I live a charmed life and I know it. God has provided for me in ways that I sure don't deserve. I know people RIGHT NOW who are waiting and believing in God's promises to restore a marriage, even though their husband has left, divorced them and is even engaged to someone else. But, He's spoken loud and clear. We know He's not a liar and He will bring His promises forth in the perfect time. Now THAT'S heart breaking to live through and THAT'S a trial and a test of the faith on a daily basis. I've had the ability in the past to serve those and live amongst those who have no food, who go to bed hungry EVERY NIGHT, who have no bed to lay down on to rest, not even a home for that matter, no running water and certainly no electricity to survive in the heat of the summer...yet they have smiles on their faces and a song in their heart. Last time I checked, I live in a wonderful house, I've NEVER gone to bed hungry nor do any of my friends, I sleep pretty darn well on a sealy posture pedic pillow top matress every night, in a home with hot and cold running water I can use anytime I want, and electricity and air conditioning to keep me cool in the 100 degree temps. I'm considered Richey Rich by pretty much the rest of the world's standards, many who live on a mere $2 a day. Those who are hungry, who have no chance of a future and no one to care about them and help them...THAT breaks God's heart. I also know families who are walking through the pain of a loved one dying of cancer and losing their hard fought battle, as well as those who have already lost a beloved husband, father, mother, or a close loved one. THAT'S heart breaking. These are the things that break God's heart and they should break mine.
One of my favorite songs has always been Hosana, because of that one line I prayed today is in that song. I always, always, ALWAYS cry when I sing/hear that part (I'm so predictable!)...now, I know it will mean even more to me.
I'm sorry to go all Sally Struther's on you today, but it's the revelation I've been given. Count your blessings...they far outweigh the struggles. Praise God for what you DO have and be thankful. If you need a healthy dose of perspective, pray the prayer, "break my heart for what breaks yours" and see your eyes opened to the heart of God.
Thankful today for a broken heart and a loving Father,
JOY
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
One Glorious Day
Psalm 84:10
"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [anywhere else]; I would rather be a doorkeeper and stand at the threshold in the house of my God than to dwell [at ease] in the tents of wickedness."
Have you ever had a day where you just felt like you were swimming upstream? A tried and true, all-out struggle? I've been having a WEEK like that (and by the way, it's only Tuesday...Lord help me!) and when these struggles occur, they drain me emotionally and spiritually. I keep reminding myself that these trials and momentary weaknesses are achieving a long-term Kingdom focus in my life. There is always a purpose and God can bring great things out of these struggles. I know it's an attack and I recognize where it comes from, but that doesn't mean it's not tough to experience.
And then I'm reminded of the verse above, which by no coincidence, the song, "Better is One Day", has been rolling around in my head for weeks as well. Too many times, I get so caught up in my own little battles and struggles, that seem monumentous to me at the time, and I forget that we are called to a higher purpose. All these struggles and problems we WILL face in this world will one day melt away...and one day in the Lord's courts will be better than a 1000 days here on Earth.
Just think about that...1000 days is roughly 2.75 years. Wrap your head around that...one single day with the Lord can blow a few years out of the water here on Earth! I can have 1000 horrible, no good, very bad days here...but they will all pale in comparison to just one day in the presence of the Lord. Thinking in those terms helps me adjust my attitude, count my blessings and think about all the wonderful things God has done for me in my life. I begin to realize I would rather have the struggle, do the hard work out of obedience, and allow God to continue His work in me, than to take the easy road, coast, give up and live in the world.
So, on days like today where I'm having a rough go of it, I try my best to keep my sights on that one day and remind myself, it's not about me....it's about Him. It never has been about me, as much as my selfish desires want to tell me it is.
"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [anywhere else]; I would rather be a doorkeeper and stand at the threshold in the house of my God than to dwell [at ease] in the tents of wickedness."
Have you ever had a day where you just felt like you were swimming upstream? A tried and true, all-out struggle? I've been having a WEEK like that (and by the way, it's only Tuesday...Lord help me!) and when these struggles occur, they drain me emotionally and spiritually. I keep reminding myself that these trials and momentary weaknesses are achieving a long-term Kingdom focus in my life. There is always a purpose and God can bring great things out of these struggles. I know it's an attack and I recognize where it comes from, but that doesn't mean it's not tough to experience.
And then I'm reminded of the verse above, which by no coincidence, the song, "Better is One Day", has been rolling around in my head for weeks as well. Too many times, I get so caught up in my own little battles and struggles, that seem monumentous to me at the time, and I forget that we are called to a higher purpose. All these struggles and problems we WILL face in this world will one day melt away...and one day in the Lord's courts will be better than a 1000 days here on Earth.
Just think about that...1000 days is roughly 2.75 years. Wrap your head around that...one single day with the Lord can blow a few years out of the water here on Earth! I can have 1000 horrible, no good, very bad days here...but they will all pale in comparison to just one day in the presence of the Lord. Thinking in those terms helps me adjust my attitude, count my blessings and think about all the wonderful things God has done for me in my life. I begin to realize I would rather have the struggle, do the hard work out of obedience, and allow God to continue His work in me, than to take the easy road, coast, give up and live in the world.
So, on days like today where I'm having a rough go of it, I try my best to keep my sights on that one day and remind myself, it's not about me....it's about Him. It never has been about me, as much as my selfish desires want to tell me it is.
It's about the Kingdom...
It's about Worship...
It's about Relationship...
It's about One Glorious Day!
Better is One Day!
JOY
Friday, July 1, 2011
Resources to Help You Through the Troubled Times
People that know me, know that I LOVE to read and I can devour a book in no time! One of the things that helped me get through some tough times was reading encouraging, Christian books that others would recommend to me. Often, I'm asked about resources and I'm all to happy to pass on what inspired me and how God used those particular resources to help me look at my situation differently. Today, I would like to share several with you in hopes that you might pick something up that God will use to speak directly to you.
BOOKS:
1. The Holy Bible: You didn't think I would leave THIS one out did you? :) Daily, focused reading time of the Word changed my life in so many ways, and I learned that the Word of the Lord really does still speak. Don't spend more time with any other resource than this one!
2. I Do Again, by Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs: You may have heard of them from the "I Am Second" campaign. A POWERFUL read on how God can and will restore a marriage, even after adultery, if both lives are submitted to Christ.
3. Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas: This book will help you look at marriage in a whole new way...what if marriage is really a path to holiness and not necessarily our happiness?
4. Crazy Love, by Francis Chan: This book does a great job of showing how much our God loves us...more than we will ever be able to understand!
5. Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs: This book is a MUST READ for all couples! It breaks down the difference between men and women and lines out a marriage biblically. A man needs respect and a woman needs love first and foremost...everything else falls into place out of that.
6. Sun Stand Still, by Steven Furtick: The book that literally changed my prayer life and my faith. I can't say enough good about it!
7. Invisible War: What every believer needs to know about Satan, by Chip Ingram: Great resource to understand spiritual warfare better and what is going on behind the scenes and how to better equip yourself for the battle.
8. A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo, by Jackie Kendall: Great book for dating and preparing yourself for a future mate...how to recognize a Bozo vs a Boaz! The most powerful statement in the book..."you attract where you are at"...Wow!
9. The Ragamufin Gospel, by Brennan Manning: Every believer should read this book...another one that literally changed my life. What an annointed man!
10. Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken, by Cindy Beall (releases TODAY!): I'm so very excited to read this book as it's written by a mentor of mine. This book culminates an 8 year journey and how God can repair what the world would say is irreversible damage...but when two hearts are submitted to God, we should expect the unexpected! Support my friend and go pick up a copy!
11. Any book by Craig Groeschel, pastor of Lifechurchtv.com in Oklahoma: I really enjoyed The Christian Aetheist, Going All the Way: Preparing for a Marriage that Goes the Distance and I'm currently reading his new book Weird: Because Normal isn't Working and next up is Chazown. Every book is good and they do NOT disappoint!
12. Any book by Mark Batterson, pastor of National Community Church in DC: In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day, Primal, Soulprint, Wild Goose Chase. All great books and again, a very insightful pastor that helps stretch you as a believer.
Websites:
1. http://www.rejoiceministries.com/ : Great resource for those standing in the gap for their marriages. Great daily email devotion as well
2. http://www.cindybeall.com/ : Same person from #10 book above. Very good daily blog as well as a 4 part video series on her website that details her and her husband's testimony. Great for anyone struggling with marriage issues.
3. http://www.stevenfurtick.com/ : Pastor from North Carolina, author of book #6 above. Wonderful daily blog with sound spiritual wisdom/teaching that will help build your faith in the Lord.
4. www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike : For the days you just need a good laugh! This guy has great comedic timing in his writing and seems like he must read my mind at times! Who said being a Christian can't be fun?!
5. http://www.proverbs31.org/ : Great daily email devotion and resource on how to be that Proverbs 31 woman we all desire to be
6. http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/ : Wonderful daily email devotion from Rick Warren that is always insightful and timely
Those are just a few of my faves and I hope maybe one or two of the above will inspire you and encourage you, whatever stage of life you may be currently in. The best advice someone spoke to me back then still stands today, "Be sure to surround yourself with Godly influences, whether that be reading material, TV, radio or friends. You never know which way God will choose to speak to you!"
Have a safe and blessed 4th of July!
JOY
BOOKS:
1. The Holy Bible: You didn't think I would leave THIS one out did you? :) Daily, focused reading time of the Word changed my life in so many ways, and I learned that the Word of the Lord really does still speak. Don't spend more time with any other resource than this one!
2. I Do Again, by Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs: You may have heard of them from the "I Am Second" campaign. A POWERFUL read on how God can and will restore a marriage, even after adultery, if both lives are submitted to Christ.
3. Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas: This book will help you look at marriage in a whole new way...what if marriage is really a path to holiness and not necessarily our happiness?
4. Crazy Love, by Francis Chan: This book does a great job of showing how much our God loves us...more than we will ever be able to understand!
5. Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs: This book is a MUST READ for all couples! It breaks down the difference between men and women and lines out a marriage biblically. A man needs respect and a woman needs love first and foremost...everything else falls into place out of that.
6. Sun Stand Still, by Steven Furtick: The book that literally changed my prayer life and my faith. I can't say enough good about it!
7. Invisible War: What every believer needs to know about Satan, by Chip Ingram: Great resource to understand spiritual warfare better and what is going on behind the scenes and how to better equip yourself for the battle.
8. A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo, by Jackie Kendall: Great book for dating and preparing yourself for a future mate...how to recognize a Bozo vs a Boaz! The most powerful statement in the book..."you attract where you are at"...Wow!
9. The Ragamufin Gospel, by Brennan Manning: Every believer should read this book...another one that literally changed my life. What an annointed man!
10. Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken, by Cindy Beall (releases TODAY!): I'm so very excited to read this book as it's written by a mentor of mine. This book culminates an 8 year journey and how God can repair what the world would say is irreversible damage...but when two hearts are submitted to God, we should expect the unexpected! Support my friend and go pick up a copy!
11. Any book by Craig Groeschel, pastor of Lifechurchtv.com in Oklahoma: I really enjoyed The Christian Aetheist, Going All the Way: Preparing for a Marriage that Goes the Distance and I'm currently reading his new book Weird: Because Normal isn't Working and next up is Chazown. Every book is good and they do NOT disappoint!
12. Any book by Mark Batterson, pastor of National Community Church in DC: In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day, Primal, Soulprint, Wild Goose Chase. All great books and again, a very insightful pastor that helps stretch you as a believer.
Websites:
1. http://www.rejoiceministries.com/ : Great resource for those standing in the gap for their marriages. Great daily email devotion as well
2. http://www.cindybeall.com/ : Same person from #10 book above. Very good daily blog as well as a 4 part video series on her website that details her and her husband's testimony. Great for anyone struggling with marriage issues.
3. http://www.stevenfurtick.com/ : Pastor from North Carolina, author of book #6 above. Wonderful daily blog with sound spiritual wisdom/teaching that will help build your faith in the Lord.
4. www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike : For the days you just need a good laugh! This guy has great comedic timing in his writing and seems like he must read my mind at times! Who said being a Christian can't be fun?!
5. http://www.proverbs31.org/ : Great daily email devotion and resource on how to be that Proverbs 31 woman we all desire to be
6. http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/ : Wonderful daily email devotion from Rick Warren that is always insightful and timely
Those are just a few of my faves and I hope maybe one or two of the above will inspire you and encourage you, whatever stage of life you may be currently in. The best advice someone spoke to me back then still stands today, "Be sure to surround yourself with Godly influences, whether that be reading material, TV, radio or friends. You never know which way God will choose to speak to you!"
Have a safe and blessed 4th of July!
JOY
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