Got Forgiveness?

I've hinted at the fact that the flood gates have been opened wide since my ordeal and a LOT of folks confide in me about their marital problems or hurts, which is a really humbling as often I feel very unworthy, but it is a very cool thing.  I have learned and am learning a lot on this journey, but talking to people with their real life struggles and experiences now and in the past has been very eye opening and a blessing to me.

Through talking with people, I would have to say the common denominator in these stories centers around forgiveness, or the lack of it.  It is our human nature to get hurt and then say, "You are going to pay for that!".  But, that is definitely not what God wants us to do.  And when life is not going so good, who do you hurt?  Those closest to you...which means most of the time our spouse.  Over time, these hurts become very additive and one day, we end up carrying around so much unforgiveness in our hearts...we just can't seem to remember why we should even forgive and we feel justified in our hurt.  It becomes the "how did we get here?" story.

We often joke around about "WWJD?"...and I will tell you if you read His words, you will see EXACTLY what He did over and over....He forgave people.  Even if they didn't deserve it, even in the act of sinning, even if they were a rotten, no good scoundrel...He forgave.  I think in any relationship, that is what we are called to do...forgive even if that person "doesn't deserve it"...especially if they don't!  I've found in my life that forgiveness is a choice...it's black or white, no and's, if's or but's...you either do it or you don't.  But by forgiving, you take that weight off your shoulders and you don't waste your life being weighted down by unforgiveness.  How freeing that is!  Does it always change the situation?  Sadly, no...but it does change your heart and keep it soft and supple and in tune with God's heart for His children.

I'm reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, which by the way is AMAZING and I'm wondering why I never read it before!  I've heard him speak before and he is as powerful a speaker as he is a writer.  In his book, he says "If you really want to understand a man, don't just listen to what he says, but watch what he does".  So how are we all doing in THAT category?  Yeahhhh.....What do people see when they see our actions?  I think the act of forgiveness says a whole lot about the character of a person and what their internal makeup, i.e their heart, is like.  As Christians and just people in general, it is so easy to just hang on to our hurts but what kind of witness and example are we showing the world?  Is it a wonder that people are turned off of religion because they are watching our walk and they see it is not lining up with our talk?!

There is one last point I want to leave you with that impacted me greatly from this same book.  We think others don't deserve forgiveness because they've wronged us just way too much/too many times...but pull the camera back a bit and look at the bigger picture and think about the forgiveness and grace that has been given to us by our Holy Father.  Do we deserve that? 

"To be alive is to be broken.  And to be broken is to stand in need of grace.  Honesty keeps us in touch with our neediness and the truth that we are saved sinners."

Choosing to forgive,

JOY