It Is Well With My Soul

This weekend, I attended the Women of Faith event in Dallas and I had the privilege of listening to some amazing speakers, as well as just spending time immersing myself in God's presence and word.  An amazing weekend for sure!  One of the speakers was Karen James, whose husband, Kelly James, was killed in 2006 in the Mt. Hood mountain climbing tragedy.  She's written a book (which I've already read!) "Holding Fast:  The Untold Story of the Mount Hood Tragedy".  It's interesting how similar our stories are in some ways, although quite different circumstances, but I could really relate to her.  Pain and grief are the same beast, no matter how they came to be present in your life.  She and her husband had a great marriage and a very deep love for one another and he truly was a Godly man.  However, she always had a fear that she would lose him and he was the most important person to her and in her life.  So, when he was gone, she really had to deal with a lot of issues, as anyone would, as her biggest fear in life had become a reality.  Thankfully, she had a loving Heavenly Father that guided her through this tough time and now is using her story and her pain to help others.

After reading her book and hearing her personal testimony, I couldn't stop thinking about how I completely understood where she had been in her pain and grief, as I have been there, too.  The death of a dream is a painful thing.  My husband had several health issues, and even some health scares, while we were married and I remember praying, more than once, that God not take him from me as I just could not live without him here on Earth...he was just that precious to me and that integral of a part of my life.  I literally didn't think I could draw a breath if he was not in my life.  The love that I felt for him was that deep and I had put him very first in my life, even though that is not how God intended things.  He never knew the nights that I was so sick with worry over his condition, that I physically could not sleep as I would cry and pray for God to take the pain from him.  So, when he walked out of my life, there were a lot of reason for pain...but one reason was my worst fear had just been realized.  He may not be dead...but he was as good as gone.  In an instant, he was no longer part of my life and he left a gaping hole in my soul that I could not repair on my own. 

Now, I'm not saying because I had my priorities out of whack, that God decided to punish me or be cruel to me.  He is a loving Father, but that is one of the lessons I have had to learn during this painful process.  No idol, no man, no thing needs to be Number ONE in my life except for Him.  And, when my priorities have been in line, He has done amazing things in my life and supplied all my needs.  I've talked openly about how blessed I am to have wonderful family and friends who have supported me and guided me through this time.  But, let's face it, at the end of the day, when you are lying there in bed, alone in a still and empty house, left alone with your thoughts...they are not there.  But, God is...and in this time of agony I learned that truly, He is all I need.  It has been a painful process to get to this point, but it has made all the difference and the secret behind how I kept putting one foot in front of the other.  Sure, I still have times of grieving over that death of the dream.  I'm normal and it is a process...one I've been told that can take up to two years to heal and work through (wow, that's encouraging, right?!) but the lessons have been learned and I'm better for it no matter why this had to happen.

As I sat there at the conference Friday night, Natalie Grant came back on stage to do an encore' and she performed one of my all time favorite hymns, "It is Well With My Soul" acapello.  I sat there and cried tears of joy and understanding because those words meant more to me than they ever had before in my life.  Despite the pain, the hurt, the loss, the grief...I can honestly say it is well with my soul...and gone is that huge gaping hole.  There's still a hole...but it is a lot smaller now.  God's in control, He's sovereign, He's on the throne and I have confidence not in my abilities but in His and what He's doing and going to do in my life.  And I'm okay with that.

It Is Well with My Soul

Horatio G. Spafford
 
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,


It is well, it is well, with my soul.


Refrain:


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.


But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

In Him,

JOY