My life is so different from a year ago...and I mean different in a good way. I look back on the past year of my life, and even I can see the changes in myself but it makes me very happy when others notice it, too. I'm happy in ways I have not been in a very long time...and learned what that joy that comes from God is all about. I love life, I look forward to each day and I know God has very big plans for my future and I absolutely CANNOT wait!
With that being said, I've put myself out there, really out there, for God lately. I've done some radical things and stuck my neck out for the Kingdom and strongholds have been broken in people's lives because of my witness. That brings me great joy seeing lives set free to live for the Kingdom. But, I know that infuriates the enemy and sets me up for attack. Well, the last blow of a chain of events came yesterday. I won't go into it all because I never want to slander anyone through my writing, but let's just say the last shoe in a very long year finally dropped. The truth I had desperately wanted for people to know in the last year finally came out, not without a layer of pain to me but it's okay. I've been through way worse in the past year and I'm a survivor. God has finally vindicated me and the truth truly has set me free.
The news came in just God's perfect timing after me and a friend had JUST been talking about this situation that I knew would be coming Monday night...and then less than 24 hours later, I find out it had happened. I have talked very publicly and openly about my stand for my marriage through the divorce. And if God had wanted me to keep standing, I would have been obedient, I really would have. But, in August, He released me from my marriage and let me know that I had done what He had asked but the other side was just lost, deceived and had every chance to turn away, but they refused to do so. That was hard for me to let go but I've learned to trust in Him. And, last month, I was talking with a friend who is going through the EXACT same thing (I mean down to the same wording...it's nuts how the enemy keeps using the same ole tricks because hey, they are working) and she was telling me the promises God had spoken over her about restoration of her marriage. I realized later that God had never spoken over me that my marriage would be restored, quite the opposite actually; He told me the divorce would have to happen in order for His plan to play out in the future. I now know that my stand for my marriage, in the face of humiliation and adversity, was not what I thought, as in my marriage would be restored...but in fact it was all about obedience and patience and discipline that He wanted to build in me. What a revelation! It was a test of sorts...and after the work in me was complete, He let me move on. Course, I still was uncertain and wanting to make 100% sure this was of God and just not of me WANTING to move on but yesterday, the last question was answered. Sure, it hurt but in a way, I am so very relieved. I feel free, lighter, vindicated, and just....glad it's over. I do feel sad for the other parties involved because this road is not a pretty one...but I wish no ill will and the burden is off of me and onto someone else. I do believe no one is past God's saving grace, but now I know that door is firmly closed for me in that relationship, never to be reopened again.
I also realized that now, my feet are on solid, rock foundation...not shifting sand as before...and when the winds come, because they will always through life, this time, I will not be moved. My foundation is solid now and praise the Lord for that!!! That was very clear to me after yesterday. God also placed a very important person in my path a month or so ago, that was very instrumental in talking to me yesterday and making me laugh through the tears. They know who they are and I'm very thankful for their presence in my life. What the enemy so wanted to use to harm me, my Lord and Savior turned to good and real joy! I just feel so very blessed!!! It feels so good to laugh and I'm taking the suggestion of several to not let recent events of this year and last year ruin November for me...in fact, I'm celebrating being free of my chains and not being held back anymore! Now where's the cake?!
So, the final chapter has been written and this book is now closed. I'm really excited about my "new book" of life and where it will head. God has really been impressing on me lately some very big changes...in order for these changes to happen, a lot of mountains will have to be moved. But, our God is greater and stronger and I know if I'm in HIS WILL and this is what HE wants, it will happen. I'm so very greatful for second chances, that I know I don't deserve but I'm glad we serve such a loving Father who grants them anyways. I'm bound and determined to walk this next part of my life with God, waiting on Him at every turn, to the very best of my humanly abilities with God's help of course!
Thanks for all the well wishes, the rally of support by my friends and family checking in on me, but honestly, I'm good. Heck, I'm BETTER than good...I'm great! This weekend, in yet another show of God's impeccable timing, I'm going on my solitude journey to just hang out with God, listen and reflect on the last year. I can't wait...His timing never ceases to amaze me.
Love to all!
JOY
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