Last week, the man I love with all my heart, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and spend the rest of our lives together. And of course...I said YES!
Is that sinking in? Yes, I'm engaged. Do what?! It's hard to imagine when I think back a year ago on my life and see all the amazing things God has done. But even I, with all my hopes and expectations did not expect that on October 22nd of this year, I would be saying "I Do" again. This season of engagement, wedding and marriage is the culmination of a promise that God made to me about a year ago.
Let me back track for a minute...last year when I went on my
"Assignment Solitude" journey, the Lord really spoke some amazing promises to me. Some were very unbelievable at that time...and I mean VERY. One in particular was the fact that I would be married again and I would have a family. The Lord kept leading me to Isaiah 61 over and over and stressing that point to me. To someone who is 35 years old, that seems a little bit laughable. Especially when you throw in the fact that I had zero interest in dating anyone. Let's just say I wasn't a very willing candidate for dating, much less marriage. Don't get me wrong, I still believed in love and I believed marriage could be forever and that two people could stick to their covenant vows...I had seen it, and I knew it existed. But did I think it would happen anytime soon? No, I really didn't. I thought maybe five years or so on down the road if I ever started to have some remote interest in dating, maybe I would meet "the guy", but I was not concerned about it. Friends and family would say, "You won't be single long" or something of that nature and it honestly made me mad! I was happy for the first time in a long time and it didn't depend on anyone but the Lord. I had found my "source" and I knew He would never let me down. I was never the "I hate men/scorned woman" by any means. But at the same time, it just really didn't hold much interest to me. The thought of going on a date? Going on a series of bad dinners just to have someone else pay? Ummm, no thanks. I could buy my own dinner and actually enjoy it and at the same time, avoid awkward silence while pretending to get to know someone just so you can get your friend off your back in order to convince them you are not a lonely cat lady of sorts!
And then, of course enters Mr. Rex Neely...someone I've actually known my entire life as he grew up across the pasture from me and I had always considered a friend. His family and mine have always been friends, and even though I hadn't seen him in about ten years, I had kept up with him through my family. We reunited as friends and started catching up on the past decade and through renewing the friendship, I realized that there was a lot more to this guy than I ever knew
(as I told my friends, a guy sharing his heart and what God is doing in his life is just H.O.T.! I never stood a chance!). In fact, the years had brought him his own source of trials and there were many similarities in our situations, even the way we had come out of those same trials. We had both allowed God to refine us through some very difficult times and we had done a lot of growing up and maturing in the process. After months of just talking, we started to hang out as friends and over a period of months, we became best friends. I realized early on that there was more there than just friends and I prayed constantly that the Lord would close the door on my feelings if this is not what He wanted (and little did I know, Rex was praying the same thing!). Quite the opposite happened...every door kept flying open and God even spoke directly to me more than once that Rex would be my husband (
yeah, that freaked me out more than a little bit). In March, we finally had "The Talk" and both admitted that this had become more than just friends (thank goodness we both felt exactly the same!)...and now what were we going to do?! There was a lot of praying going on but we both felt the green light on entering into dating and we did so cautiously because neither of us wanted to lose the friendship. Fortunately, it entered into a relationship quickly and the foundation of friendship that we had established just became a catalyst for the relationship.
I'll admit, for both of us, it was pretty amazing and shocking to see how we were so perfect for one another from the beginning. I'm far from perfect but it turns out, I'm perfect for him and vice versa. He knows how to handle my moods and what to say when I'm having a bad day, and just how to encourage me and remind me of the promises the Lord has given to me. The deepness of the relationship, even in the early days, was astounding to me. I had never known what I was missing out on before but I finally began to see that my past relationship was very superficial. I saw what can happen when you give the Lord the reins and you let HIM infuse you with love for the other person. It just takes things to an entirely different level! It didn't take us long to see that God made us for one another and that He was giving us a second chance to let Him lead this time. All those lessons we learned were not in vain after all! I can honestly say that all the pain of the past is totally worth it to be where I'm at today...no regrets. It finally all makes sense and I'm glad for those trials that made me who I am today in order for me to receive this gift that God has in store for me.
In past relationships, there has always been something maybe that didn't line up quite right. Things that don't seem like a big deal, and you think "I can live with that"...but they are compromises. So, it's amazing when there are no red flags, or compromises, at all in this journey. Everything has lined up and God has continued to confirm the relationship over and over again. That peaceful feeling and being in the center of God's will just can't be beat. God never makes false promises and not only am I getting married, I'm also gaining a wonderful, almost-16 year old son that I love dearly and am thrilled to be a part of his life! What seemed laughable a year ago, is now a very real and tangible fufilled promise.
I love this man with all of my heart and I have a strong desire to be that Proverbs 31 wife to him and to be in a marriage where we honor God and serve Him together. As excited as I am about rings, wedding plans, and the honeymoon, I am MUCH more excited about entering into a marriage for the rest of my life with a man who is my best friend and I love so deeply and who loves me in return in the same way. I'm looking forward to the next season of our lives and what God has in store for us. Such beauty out of the ashes of our past failures!
For those of you who may be now where I've been in the past and you just can't see how love and life can ever be different, hold on for what God has in store for you! Yes, the slate can be wiped clean and ALL things can be made new again. Yes, the pain of past mistakes and hurts can be redeemed. Yes, you can trust and love again and whatever you lost can be restored in a double portion! And Yes, love can be so much better the second time around! Do not put God in a box or limit what you think He can do because He truly can do more than we ask or imagine. Hold on to that and let Him rewrite your love story...He knows every desire of your heart and He holds the master plan!
Thankful for Grace!
JOY
