The year of 2013 had its ups and downs, but when we moved into our new house on August 15th, we finally felt "home". This was OUR place that we had designed and we were now settled. Sure, there were (and are) plenty of projects to complete, but it was a final merging of our two lives. We had a tough year of loss, but God gave us something to celebrate in the midst of our pain. The celebration was short lived when we had to move an entire house in August...in Texas! And not only was there a household of things to move, we also had a storage building full of my furniture, as well as a barn and a shop and several horses to move as well. The next few weeks were pretty exhausting but rewarding to see more of our "stuff" here at the new place and less at the old place.
Right after Labor Day, we went to New Orleans for a veterinary conference and a little bit of R & R after an exhausting few weeks of work. Once again, while I was on the trip, I started having horrible heartburn (which I never have) and feeling nauseous, and no, I wasn't drinking Hurricanes! It had only been about four months since I had miscarried and every month in between I would get my hopes up, just to be let down for another month. So, when I started feeling the symptoms of pregnancy again, I squelched the thought for a few days. We were eating at an Emeril restaurant one night, and I had a glass of wine that normally I would have loved and savored. This time, I couldn't choke it down. It tasted like motor oil! I now knew I was either dying or pregnant but something was really wrong. I finally told Rex my fears/hopes but this time, we just could not get too excited. Our emotions were too fragile and raw. We chewed on the thought for the rest of the trip because it would have been very early in the pregnancy and too soon to take a test. By the time we got home, curiosity was killing me so I finally took a test. Sure enough, BAM...I was pregnant! I was in shock yet again. You know all the stories you hear about people who have these nice surprise celebration dinners for the husband to announce they are pregnant? Well I am NOT one of those people! Rex was getting ready for work so I just casually left the test lying by his sink in the bathroom and I got back into bed. A few minutes passed and he comes busting into the bedroom asking "what does this mean"?! Of course, we were both incredulous and giddy but scared to death as well. This time, the roles were reversed and Rex was much more reserved and I felt more confident. Once again, the impossible had become possible, especially considering the first doctor had told us we only had a 20% chance of conception. Now we had conceived twice in less than a year's time! As much as we want to hang on to statistics and numbers, we should ultimately know that only God has the final say in these matters.
By the time I went to the doctor, my levels were sky high (to the point they thought it could be twins!). Every test, every ultrasound, every check up, I met the marks or excelled past them, whereas before, I was always a bit behind average. Looking back after having a healthy and normal pregnancy, I realize the first one was pretty weak. I also know now that the little check in my spirit where I had that worry I couldn't shake was God's way of readying me and trying to let me down easy. During the time frame after my miscarriage, my daily prayer had been "don't let me get pregnant again if it won't be a viable, long term pregnancy AND let this pregnancy be way different than the first one". Thank the Lord He answered both of those prayers, which gave me the confidence almost from day 1 that this baby was healthy as well as having security in God's promises. Rex couldn't really get excited until after the 12 week mark because he was so concerned if something happened, how I would take it. He had seen me grieve and feel such loss, and he couldn't bear for me to go there again. I, however, mentally felt very positive (physically I wanted to puke but hey, they said that was a sign of a healthy pregnancy so I was trying to be happy about that) and I was so blessed I didn't have to live this pregnancy in fear because God showed me early on that He was most definitely in control. I didn't want the enemy to steal my joy over such an amazing time in our lives!
We found out that we were having a boy right before Christmas, and then the real planning began! Picking a name is so very difficult, especially for a boy, because how do you look at a little baby and a grown man and have a name that fits both stages of life? We narrowed it down to two names, which we both liked, but one of us liked the other better. I finally had the bright idea to flip for the name---best 2 out of 3---because honestly, Rex always loses at these things! Well, for once, he won every flip and he was so elated until I busted out crying. Call it pregnancy hormones or the fact that deep down I really wanted that name! As he says, that ruined it for him, so in the end I won anyways by default (who can argue with a crying pregnant woman?!). So, Baby Neely finally had a name of Luke. I wanted a Biblical name and Luke means "he who brings light". I feel that fits this child perfectly. He has not even seen the outside world yet, but he's already brought so much light and joy to our families. I also feel that this child is God's light showing up through our past experiences in a special way. We pray that he will be a mighty warrior for the Kingdom in his future and he will continue to let that light shine bright. I've always been reminded when things get turned upside down and the world/evil seems to be flourishing, that the light will eventually outshine the darkness, and once again, this is a testimony of that truth.
So here I am, 38 and 1/2 years old and finally experiencing pregnancy for the first time. How crazy is that? Every little kick and hiccup has been a delight and just a miracle from God. It hasn't been easy but I'm glad I didn't go my whole life without experiencing this God send! Other than just conceiving, there have been so many prayers answered during this near 10 month journey (actually I feel like I've been pregnant for over a year considering the two pregnancies were so close together). We know it is not just a time of celebrating for us, but for our prayer warriors as well! One of my showers in North Texas consisted of many of my friends and church family who had walked through my divorce with me so painfully not that many years ago. What a celebration that was for all of us to shed some happy tears for a change! It is so good to celebrate with people who have prayed and cried tears alongside us at other times in our lives. It is victory for them as well as us, and a testimony of God's faithfulness, plans and timing. I know this child already has a strong support system around him as we enter this next phase of life. As we await his arrival in the next few days, I feel God is so thick in our lives, but I still don't think the reality of the situation has hit us yet!
God truly has brought me more than I could every have imagined 5 years ago....a wonderful, loving husband, step-son and now a child? I would've laughed I'm sure if someone had of prophesied that over me back then! And on top of all of that, God paved a way for me to sell a business and a house, start a new career in a new location, and build our dream home in the process. That is what I call a good and faithful God. We are so blessed that He has poured out such favor on us. Why do we doubt His goodness???
I wanted to share our journey because I know so many struggle with infertility. I think as a Christian, it is probably one of the hardest battles a couple has to go through. It can be so devastating and so disheartening, especially in a world full of bouncing, beautiful babies! I pray for those that struggle in this area to cling to your faith in the dark days and believe that God does have a plan and He will bring it forth at the perfect time.
When I went through my divorce, my pastor told me that God was going to bring good into my life in due time as long as I stayed faithful and obedient. Might not be today, might not be next year, but in time, He would work all my pain for the good so my life would not resemble anything in the future like it did in that moment. I now realize how prophetic those words were at the time, although I couldn't really receive them back then but they did stick with me and give me hope in some dark times. Do you know that 4 years ago on Memorial Day, I was having final divorce papers delivered to me and this year on Memorial Day, I'm expecting my first child?! No one can deny God is in the healing, restoring and resurrecting business still today!!! So, that's my other prayer for those who are divorced, single, or in dead end marriages...hang on to God and let Him be your everything. Give Him time and trust in His plan for you because there is one and I assure you it is GREAT. Look at me! My life was a wreck 5 short years ago and God took every broken piece and fit it back together into an even better picture than before. When the time is right....He won't delay!
Habakkuk 2:3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it may linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay!
We thank you for the love, prayers and support on this journey!
JOY
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