When Holidays Hurt

Not so long ago, I spent Christmas alone and isolated.  It has been a few years back, but I don't think I will ever forget that time period of my life.  When you find yourself alone, suddenly, in early November, you begin to realize how many celebrations occur between November to February (for the record...there's a bunch!) and how empty it can feel when you don't have someone to share in those times.  Those dates on the calendar that everyone else happily anticipates...you dread and cringe as they approach.  I have first-hand knowledge of that emptiness, so my heart goes out to those of you who are alone this Christmas season.  It can be a very difficult, depressing, and non-joyful time for those that are struggling with losses.

Here's the thing...the Christmas I spent alone turned out to be one of the very best in some very non-traditional ways.  Because of prior plans with my own family, we celebrated the holiday the week before Christmas.  I had friends take me in and invite me to their gatherings for Christmas Eve and Day locally, but here's where that whole "planning" thing came to bite me yet again.  All my planning did not factor in the fact that a great blizzard would hit North Texas that particular Christmas.  The roads were treacherous as I drove home from a Christmas Eve service at my church and by Christmas morning, we had what we never have here in Texas....a beautiful WHITE Christmas.

Everyone else was celebrating and staying indoors with their loved ones, opening gifts around the fire, and probably celebrating the fact that it was too icey to get on the roads to Grandma's house, while I realized the thing I feared the most had just happened.  Yep, I was alone, trapped at my house, secluded out in the country for Christmas.  What a loser I felt like in that moment!  I was determined to make the most of the situation and I spent a lot of time that day in prayer and reading my Bible.  And as only the Lord can do, He turned what could have been a very depressing day into a great and memorable day.  Through His word, He revealed so many things to me that turned out to be blueprints for the future, even if I couldn't fathom the how's and why's quite yet. His presence was so heavy and tangible that day, I ended up not feeling alone at all.  I was so excited about the revelations He gave to me, that I called an emergency meeting of all my prayer group and friends for a few days later!  I think they were worried I was going to be a mess when they showed up, but instead I was re-charged and energized for the fight I had ahead.  Looking back, that was a pivotal moment for me and it was a turning point in my struggles.  Not to say, it was all rosey and uphill from there because there were some dark, painful, and tough times ahead.  But I see that particular Christmas as a turning point in my walk with the Lord.  I really understood what it meant to lay it all down and let Him be my Comforter and my every present help in times of trouble.  I now see that snowstorm as a gift from God...it made me slow down, and in the isolation He did His best work in me.

So what could have been a no-good-very-bad-terrible day, turned into a wonderful day.  I ended up outside making snowmen, spending time in my barn with my horses in the snow and just being happy to be right where I was in that moment because I had the comfort of God's plan and it was going to be good despite what my current circumstances looked like.  Now, a few years down the road, as I approach this Christmas, I'm so very thankful that I allowed that work to be done in me.  It was painful and it was a tough process, but I wouldn't have the happiness I have today if it wasn't for those tough times.  I'm also thankful for that Christmas, because it MADE me focus on the real reason and meaning for the season.  Everything else had been stripped away, so I was forced to get back to the basics.  Turns out, that's where the real JOY of Christmas was all along!

For those of you who find yourself NOT looking forward to the holiday season everyone else is so ecstatic and crazed about...I encourage you to find the good in your situation.  Draw near to God and He for sure will draw near to you.  This is a season in your life and it won't last forever.  There are good days, full of laughter and happiness ahead.  Trust in your LORD and SAVIOR...the very same one that had the ultimate plan that Christmas night so many years ago to send a baby into this fallen world, in order that we could one day have eternal life with HIM...that same Lord is still on the throne.  He's still in control and He's still the King.  If HE can come up with that plan...well then, He can do anything He wants in our little lives if we let Him have the reins and be the ONE in control!

Listen to one who has been there, done that and has the T-shirt...life as you know it will get better.  I promise. Let Go and Let God do a work in You!

Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.


Praying for the hurting this Christmas,

JOY

Making My List and Checking It Twice

In the midst of the busy holiday season, I find myself always creating a plan:  a plan for shopping, a plan for holiday events on the calendar, a plan for who gets what for Christmas, a plan for how we spend the holidays with family, a plan for....well you get the picture.  I have a plan for my plans!  It's ridiculous!

Here's the thing though...I got a pretty big wakeup call from my "planning" during Thanksgiving.  A few hours after I wrote about being thankful for my family's health, my sweet mother ended up in emergency surgery on Thanksgiving day for a bowel obstruction.  How's that for irony?  Thankfully, after a week in the hospital, she has recovered and is resting at home now.  During that holiday week, I kept readjusting my plans due to emergency situations...and they kept changing by the hour!  After a day of planning and re-planning, I finally just prayerfully submitted and admitted I was going to take things one day at a time and roll with the flow and hand the reins over to the ONE who was actually in control all along.  I was finally tired of planning, if you can believe that!  Because guess what?  My plans just kept failing...over and over and over again.

Does anyone, other than me, see the lesson in all of this?  I think the Lord was gently reminding me that He's the ultimate plan maker...not me.  Because let's face it, our plans fail a good portion of the time.  When hectic schedules come, the answer is not more plans.  The answer is trusting in Him, laying down the frustrations at His feet, and just taking it one day at a time, because that's all we have been promised anyways. 

Since that prayer of submittal, I've been tested more than once.  Our family Christmas plans, on both sides, have changed yet again.  That normally would have frustrated me to no end, but this year, I just had to laugh and almost expect it in some ways.  I'm reminded, especially this time of the year, of what is truly important.  Not the gifts, not the plans nor the food (although I really do love the food), but the real celebration of the miracle birth of my Lord and Savior.  If I concentrate on THAT...then everything else lines up and my  perspective shifts, my heart changes, and all that planning really doesn't mean a thing anymore.

This Christmas, my wish for each of you is to enjoy each moment and celebrate what you do have and focus on the here and now.  Cherish the time with your loved ones!  Don't get lost in the hustle and bustle and commercialism of this season...choose to get lost in the love of our Savior who was born so each of us can find rest in Him every day of the year for now and forever more.

Merry CHRISTmas!

JOY

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Happy Thanksgiving Ya'll!

As we begin to prepare for the big feast tomorrow and before the official hustle and bustle begins, I want to take a few moments to reflect and express gratitude on this Thanksgiving Eve and I encourage you all to take time to do the same.  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and that's probably no coincidence since it falls in my favorite month of November!

This year I'm thankful for:

1. A wonderful husband who loves me no matter what and who is my best friend
2. A step-son who is entertaining and fun to watch as he grows and matures
3. My sweet family that I see all the time now, as well as my new in-law-family which equals double the fun!
4. Precious friends who I love to laugh with until my sides hurt
5. A job and a career that I truly enjoy and I am always challenged by (did anyone else operate on a skunk yesterday?  I think not...!)
6. Great employees/friends to work with every day and laugh with (we like to laugh a lot around here)
7. Serving a God who gives us ample second and third chances, and who always has a plan...a really good plan...for our lives
8. Nieces and nephews that see the world differently, through fresh eyes so the most simple things are new again
9. Pumpkins...thank you God for making those as I honestly can't get enough of their sweet flavor during this season!
10. 36 years of health...to the point I feel MUCH younger than I am...(and I look it, too...right?!)
11. Freedom to worship any way I choose
12. Horses in my barn and enjoying their quirky personalities
13. Celebrating a November without drama
14. A sister who is also my best friend and partner in crime (if only she lived closer!)
15. A neurotic dog who amuses me...as in right now while she runs around my office trying to catch flies in her mouth
16. The little things that make me smile
17. Laughter, and a lot of it...
18. College football (Gig 'Em Aggies)
19. A job where I get to wear jeans every day
20. A year of happiness and fresh starts and very few tears
21. Black Friday shopping!  It's a sport...not for the faint at heart ;)

I could go on and on in my randomness, but that's just a short list at the forefront of my mind.  I'm overflowing with thanks this year, so excuse my sappiness.  I want to wish each of you a very Happy Thanksgiving weekend from my home to yours.  Hug your loved ones tight and thank the Lord for what He has done, what He is doing and what He's about to do!

1 Chronicles 16:34
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 

Psalm 7:17  

I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High.

 

Blessings to you All!

JOY

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Rex Neely

Over the past few years, I've written quite a few blogs, which many of you have read, and therefore have been included on my journey in a round-about-way.  The last few years have been quite a process, but looking back, there was always a bigger picture. What I didn't know when I started this blog was that it was giving me a voice that turned out to be a ministry of sorts, proving that God really can use any and all things to do His work.  There have been so many tears shed by me and on behalf of me in the past, so I'm finally glad to have something happy to report!  In 2011 alone, there have been so many full circle moments and "AH-HAs" that God has used to teach me some valuable lessons...mainly that His ways are better than my ways all the time! 

The biggest light-bulb moment thus far happened on October 22nd as I stood on the white, sandy beach of Destin, Florida and said "I Do!" to the love of my life, Mr. Rex Neely.  All of my mistakes, hurts and questions of the past got answered on that day.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord had been preparing me for that moment for quite awhile.  Our wedding was a celebration of our trust in the Lord, even in some dark times, and hanging on to His promises in the good times and the bad. During our ceremony, I had this sense of cherishing every second and not wanting to forget one thing that was said or was happening as it was all so very surreal.  I remember thinking as we got towards the end that I never wanted it to end and I wanted the minister to slow down!  I was so enjoying every moment!  We both really wanted to feel God's presence on our special day and several things happened that made us both smile and reassure us that He was most certainly smiling down upon us.

First off, the weather was absolutely perfect.  Not too cold, not too hot, not windy, not humid, not a cloud in the sky...absolutely perfect.  I had worried about that part of it, and I had to smile as I walked down the "aisle" that God had created the perfect day.  Later, my sister told me that all during the ceremony and while we were having pictures made after, there was a Monarch butterfly following me around, to the point of people beginning to notice (everyone except me!)...I like to think of it as a little guardian angel fluttering about and protecting us! Despite being on a public beach, we had picked a remote place in hopes that the wedding would not be gawking-material for every random tourist.  There were people at a distance in their beach chairs soaking up the sun but they were SILENT during the ceremony.  I could see several of them hanging on our every word!  After the minister pronounced us 'Mr. and Mrs. Neely', we turned around to the sound of our "guests" clapping, which was sweet, unexpected and made us laugh.  Later, after the cake was cut and we were relaxing before dinner, two of the beach goers came over to our table and introduced themselves.  They had been laying on the beach all day and when they saw the area being set up for the wedding earlier in the day, they decided they should pray for whoever was getting married later.  As we visited with these complete strangers, they said after hearing our vows, then knew we were Christians and they could just tell how much we loved one another, how happy we were and they knew God had asked them in advance to cover us in prayer.  What do you say to that?!  (That caused me and my sister to cry yet again!).  We never saw them again, but I will always remember their sweet words and how they allowed God to use them.  Besides those two sweet ladies, I can not tell you how many phone calls, texts, emails and Facebook messages we got from friends and family saying they were praying at 3pm for us, which was the time of the wedding.  I can tell you, however, that each of those prayers were felt.  We are so blessed to have such wonderful support!  And lastly, that night as we sat on the beach for our private "toes in the sand" dinner, God delivered the most gorgeous sunset I have ever seen in my life-to-date.  It truly was a work of art that felt like it has been hand-painted just for us.  Even though I know there isn't much perfect in this fallen, messed-up world we live in, that day felt perfect.  It was all we hoped for, looked forward to and so much more!  I know that did not happen by accident...it was because God was there in some mighty ways making sure of it.

For all of you who have prayed for me over the years, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  God answered so many prayers and redeemed the pain of the past on October 22nd for both Rex and I...and He's not done yet!  This truly marks a beginning for the two of us, not just as husband and wife, but in how the Lord is going to use us to do His work in the future.   Exciting times for the Neely Family!

 Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

JOY

Rex & Joy Neely

Someone Pinch Me!

As I sit here at my desk today, I can't believe that in 48 hours, I will be Mrs. Rex Neely.  Someone needs to come over to my office and pinch me so I can make sure this has not all been a dream!  Sure, I'm excited about going to Florida, having a beautiful wedding on the beach with the man I love and getting to spend a week uninterrupted, just the two of us.  Who wouldn't be excited about that?  But more than that, I can't wait to be married to this man and just do life with him every day and see God's promises to me fulfilled.

You see, back before Rex was even in the picture, God sent me to His word over and over to specific promises in Isaiah that I WOULD be married, I WOULD have a family and He WOULD restore all I lost double-fold.  Over and over again, He assured me that life was not over...quite the opposite, it was finally going to begin.  I clung to those promises and the verses of Jeremiah 29:11 and Habakkuk 2:3 that God did have a plan and a purpose for me; it just wasn't the right time just yet.  I believed it all, but it was very hard to wrap my head around at that time.  It all seemed so...impossible?  Unlikely?  Crazy?  But our God is a crazy, out-of-the-box type of God!

So fast forward to when Rex and I began to just reconnect friend-wise.  We had shared a lot of time talking, texting, and emailing and just rekindling the friendship from years past.  I went home one weekend to visit my family, and he invited me to his church, as he was leading worship that weekend.  I sat next to his parents during the service and I was floored by the worship music and reminded of how very talented he was and I thoroughly enjoyed it all.  But, right in the middle of the worship set, God spoke a word over me that literally made me look around to see if anyone else had heard it!  Loud and clear, He said that THIS MAN would be my husband (and of course I started to cry).  Again, in this moment, he and I just being friends, that seemed so bizarre.  There was no romance yet or even dating.  I had been praying for God to pick out my husband for me if He so desired as I did a pretty awful job of that the last go-round.  But Rex Neely?  The guy who had been a friend forever and I grew up with?  Who actually SANG AT MY FIRST WEDDING (who says God doesn't have a sense of humor!?)?  It's not that I was not attracted to him; I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread!  But, I didn't think he thought of ME in that way.  And of top of all of that, I was so far from being interested in dating much less marriage in that moment!  I almost felt guilty sitting next to his family having these thoughts...like they might figure it out and someone would escort me out of the church in a straight jacket!  I told very few people of this experience because, let's face it, it made me look like a nut!  The people I did tell prayed along side of me...prayed for doors to close or open according to God's will for my life.  I guess I don't have to tell you what happened from there...

This weekend, some friends had an engagement party for us and these were the same friends that have been through hell with me in the past, who prayed for me and believed in God's faithfulness despite some dark times in my life.  It was so wonderful to be able to celebrate and laugh and just see God's hand all over the past years.  One of them wrote to me on Monday and I wanted to share an excerpt from her email as I couldn't describe the present time any better:

      "Do you remember that huge jet fuel tanker that wrecked and blew up in Roanoke on 114 about a month or so ago? It burned for so long, like 8 or 9 hours. Just HUGE fireballs and thick black smoke all afternoon and evening. I pass the scorched median and the road with the blackest of black burns on my way to work each morning. Today the traffic was backed up so what I would usually zip right past, I had a chance to sit and stare at for a minute. The Earth there is just obliterated. I mean, if you looked at it now and had never seen it before you’d think it was never going to recover. Just raw! Having seen it every day though, I’ve seen small improvements in the time since. Today though, I can see these brilliantly green, though few and far between, blades of grass starting to poke up in the midst of this char. It reminded me of your situation and how God is at work even when things look completely hopeless from our perspective. I love that God took what Satan intended for evil and pain and brought abundant beauty and joy out of the ashes. I mean, this has to be a little surreal for you…who would have thought, on your very worst day in your darkest hour during the divorce, that God already knew His plan for you and it was going to be SOOOO good?!?! I love that God was already at work within your heart and in Rex’s to prepare you each for the other. That little bit of bright green grass this morning was God using nature to remind me of the hope that is always there when we trust in Him. I am so, so grateful for a front row seat to watch this miracle that has taken place in your life. I barely know Rex but I absolutely love him because I feel like I’ve seen God’s fingerprints on everything that has happened between y’all. He is the human answer to all of our prayers for you but SOOO much better than we even knew to ask God for."

So now, you understand why I sit here, in awe and amazement at what God has done and what events have unfolded to have me preparing for my wedding day to the man God promised to me some time ago.  It is a wonderful feeling to see His promises come full circle and for Him to answer my prayers in such a real and tangible way.  And God did bring me a double portion because I'm not just getting one man...I'm getting two with Rex and his son, Brady! How's that for being very intentional and specific?!  There is such peace, joy and contentment as I prepare to make a covenant to the man God created specifically for ME...it's a feeling that just can't be described.  I love the fact that the Lord loves me that much to give me such a sweet second chance for a do-over here on Earth.  God is good and faithful to complete what He starts...even if sometimes we just can't understand the time frame.  Wait for it...it certainly will come!

Headed to the chapel,

Joy Almost-Neely :)

Who's Wearing the Crown in My Life?

Right now, my life is filled with blessings that are too numerous to count.  Every day overflows with joy.  I'm in a season of mountain top experiences and I won't lie...I love it.  It's much more fun to be in this place vs the trials and tribulations I've faced in the past in life's painful valleys. 

But still, I struggle.
That may sound bizarre after my over-flowing-with-happiness statement above BUT I'm realizing that it is much more difficult to cling on to God and be desperate for Him when life is bliss.  Truth be told, you are never closer to God than when you have hit rock-bottom.  When you are knocked down to your knees, it is more natural to be seeking the Lord's will, giving Him control of your life and be in complete submittal to His plan.  Or maybe that's just me?  On the flip side of that coin, when life is on easy street and blessings are just falling out of the sky into your lap, it becomes tempting to start grabbing back some of that control and becoming independent, even if it's on a subconscious level.   

The Lord keeps gently reminding me to stay grounded in His will in various ways, and today, it was while I was having my own little private praise and worship time as I drove down I-635 North in Dallas (for all those early morning commuters that passed me, I'm sorry if you thought I was having an epileptic seizure.  I was just expressing my freedom to worship however I so choose, even if that might be non-conventional!).  I find it interesting that you can listen to the same song a million times and then on that million and oneth time, something very fresh and new hits you between the eyeballs and grabs your attention, such as these lyrics from different songs:

• And when I'm doing well, help me to never seek a crown. For my reward is giving glory to YOU. (Keith Green)
• Give me grace to see beyond this moment here, to believe there is nothing left to fear.  And you were on it, high above it all, and you, My God, are greater still! (Natalie Grant)
• This is my prayer in the harvest, where favor and providence flow. I know I'm filled to be emptied again...the seed I've received I will sow. (Hillsong)

I think the ultimate example is in the lyrics of the Keith Green song..."help me to never seek a crown"...ouch!  Isn't that what the world would brainwash us to do?  When things go our way, we pat ourselves on the back and conduct our own little ceremony to crown ourselves for being so brilliant and successful.  In reality, we need to give the "attaboy" to the Lord, because the blessings and favor flow down directly from Him and Him alone.   

Don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with being blessed and the Lord bringing GOOD into your life.  Embrace it!  Enjoy it!  Praise Him for it!  I've just been reminded to be sure to give credit where credit is due and to continue to seek Him with the same intensity on the mountain tops as in the valleys.

Am I the only one who struggles with staying grounded during the mountaintops of this life?

Keepin' It Real,

JOY

Beauty from the Ashes, aka I'm Getting Married!

Last week, the man I love with all my heart, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and spend the rest of our lives together.  And of course...I said YES!

Is that sinking in?  Yes, I'm engaged.  Do what?!  It's hard to imagine when I think back a year ago on my life and see all the amazing things God has done.  But even I, with all my hopes and expectations did not expect that on October 22nd of this year, I would be saying "I Do" again.  This season of engagement, wedding and marriage is the culmination of a promise that God made to me about a year ago.

Let me back track for a minute...last year when I went on my "Assignment Solitude" journey, the Lord really spoke some amazing promises to me.  Some were very unbelievable at that time...and I mean VERY.  One in particular was the fact that I would be married again and I would have a family.  The Lord kept leading me to Isaiah 61 over and over and stressing that point to me.  To someone who is 35 years old, that seems a little bit laughable.  Especially when you throw in the fact that I had zero interest in dating anyone.  Let's just say I wasn't a very willing candidate for dating, much less marriage.  Don't get me wrong, I still believed in love and I believed marriage could be forever and that two people could stick to their covenant vows...I had seen it, and I knew it existed.  But did I think it would happen anytime soon?  No, I really didn't.  I thought maybe five years or so on down the road if I ever started to have some remote interest in dating, maybe I would meet "the guy", but I was not concerned about it.  Friends and family would say, "You won't be single long" or something of that nature and it honestly made me mad!  I was happy for the first time in a long time and it didn't depend on anyone but the Lord.  I had found my "source" and I knew He would never let me down.  I was never the "I hate men/scorned woman" by any means.  But at the same time, it just really didn't hold much interest to me.  The thought of going on a date?  Going on a series of bad dinners just to have someone else pay?  Ummm, no thanks.  I could buy my own dinner and actually enjoy it and at the same time, avoid awkward silence while pretending to get to know someone just so you can get your friend off your back in order to convince them you are not a lonely cat lady of sorts!

And then, of course enters Mr. Rex Neely...someone I've actually known my entire life as he grew up across the pasture from me and I had always considered a friend.  His family and mine have always been friends, and even though I hadn't seen him in about ten years, I had kept up with him through my family.  We reunited as friends and started catching up on the past decade and through renewing the friendship, I realized that there was a lot more to this guy than I ever knew (as I told my friends, a guy sharing his heart and what God is doing in his life is just H.O.T.!  I never stood a chance!).  In fact, the years had brought him his own source of trials and there were many similarities in our situations, even the way we had come out of those same trials.  We had both allowed God to refine us through some very difficult times and we had done a lot of growing up and maturing in the process.  After months of just talking, we started to hang out as friends and over a period of months, we became best friends.  I realized early on that there was more there than just friends and I prayed constantly that the Lord would close the door on my feelings if this is not what He wanted (and little did I know, Rex was praying the same thing!).  Quite the opposite happened...every door kept flying open and God even spoke directly to me more than once that Rex would be my husband (yeah, that freaked me out more than a little bit).  In March, we finally had "The Talk" and both admitted that this had become more than just friends (thank goodness we both felt exactly the same!)...and now what were we going to do?!  There was a lot of praying going on but we both felt the green light on entering into dating and we did so cautiously because neither of us wanted to lose the friendship. Fortunately, it entered into a relationship quickly and the foundation of friendship that we had established just became a catalyst for the relationship.

I'll admit, for both of us, it was pretty amazing and shocking to see how we were so perfect for one another from the beginning.  I'm far from perfect but it turns out, I'm perfect for him and vice versa.  He knows how to handle my moods and what to say when I'm having a bad day, and just how to encourage me and remind me of the promises the Lord has given to me.  The deepness of the relationship, even in the early days, was astounding to me.  I had never known what I was missing out on before but I finally began to see that my past relationship was very superficial.  I saw what can happen when you give the Lord the reins and you let HIM infuse you with love for the other person.  It just takes things to an entirely different level!  It didn't take us long to see that God made us for one another and that He was giving us a second chance to let Him lead this time.  All those lessons we learned were not in vain after all!  I can honestly say that all the pain of the past is totally worth it to be where I'm at today...no regrets.  It finally all makes sense and I'm glad for those trials that made me who I am today in order for me to receive this gift that God has in store for me.

In past relationships, there has always been something maybe that didn't line up quite right.  Things that don't seem like a big deal, and you think "I can live with that"...but they are compromises.  So, it's amazing when there are no red flags, or compromises, at all in this journey.  Everything has lined up and God has continued to confirm the relationship over and over again.  That peaceful feeling and being in the center of God's will just can't be beat.  God never makes false promises and not only am I getting married, I'm also gaining a wonderful, almost-16 year old son that I love dearly and am thrilled to be a part of his life!  What seemed laughable a year ago, is now a very real and tangible fufilled promise. 

I love this man with all of my heart and I have a strong desire to be that Proverbs 31 wife to him and to be in a marriage where we honor God and serve Him together.  As excited as I am about rings, wedding plans, and the honeymoon, I am MUCH more excited about entering into a marriage for the rest of my life with a man who is my best friend and I love so deeply and who loves me in return in the same way.  I'm looking forward to the next season of our lives and what God has in store for us.  Such beauty out of the ashes of our past failures!

For those of you who may be now where I've been in the past and you just can't see how love and life can ever be different, hold on for what God has in store for you!  Yes, the slate can be wiped clean and ALL things can be made new again.  Yes, the pain of past mistakes and hurts can be redeemed.  Yes, you can trust and love again and whatever you lost can be restored in a double portion!  And Yes, love can be so much better the second time around!  Do not put God in a box or limit what you think He can do because He truly can do more than we ask or imagine.  Hold on to that and let Him rewrite your love story...He knows every desire of your heart and He holds the master plan! 

Thankful for Grace!

JOY

Break My Heart

For a few days now, I've been in a battle between my spiritual side and my worldly side and let me just say, it hasn't been much fun.  But, it has driven me to my knees as I've cried out to God for answers.  I've had to continue to refocus my eyes heavenward, but the truth is it has been an exhausting time.  My mind knows the truths but it's been a tough sell getting them down into my heart!

As I told a friend, I've felt like I needed to sit down and have myself a good cry.  The tears were right at the surface, but they just wouldn't come, even with the pent up emotions behind them.  However, when I awoke today, I had a fresh outlook and the mind set that I should be counting my blessings, as they are so numerous.  During my quiet time, I was just thanking God for what I DO have and out of no where, I just started praying, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours"....over and over and over again.  And in the midst of those words, my heart truly did start breaking and the tears finally began to fall.  It was one of those "presence of the Lord" moments.  In an instant, I saw things through God's eyes.  I realized that what I'm praying for, what I'm wrestling with and and tied up in knots over is NOT a thing that would break God's heart, so why is it breaking mine?  Sure, they are desires of my heart and sure, I know they are important to God BUT they are wants and not needs.  And on top of that, I know God has promised these things to me and they will happen, but in His timing, in His ways, and not necessarily in my ways.  This is where the rubber meets the road and where true faith and trust comes in...when times get tough, am I going to believe and stay the course, or am I going to throw the towel in? 

Instantaneously, I was humbled and I had a huge perspective shift.  I had to repent of being so selfish and self-involved.  I live a charmed life and I know it.  God has provided for me in ways that I sure don't deserve.  I know people RIGHT NOW who are waiting and believing in God's promises to restore a marriage, even though their husband has left, divorced them and is even engaged to someone else.  But, He's spoken loud and clear.  We know He's not a liar and He will bring His promises forth in the perfect time.  Now THAT'S heart breaking to live through and THAT'S a trial and a test of the faith on a daily basis.  I've had the ability in the past to serve those and live amongst those who have no food, who go to bed hungry EVERY NIGHT, who have no bed to lay down on to rest, not even a home for that matter, no running water and certainly no electricity to survive in the heat of the summer...yet they have smiles on their faces and a song in their heart.  Last time I checked, I live in a wonderful house, I've NEVER gone to bed hungry nor do any of my friends, I sleep pretty darn well on a sealy posture pedic pillow top matress every night, in a home with hot and cold running water I can use anytime I want, and electricity and air conditioning to keep me cool in the 100 degree temps.  I'm considered Richey Rich by pretty much the rest of the world's standards, many who live on a mere $2 a day.  Those who are hungry, who have no chance of a future and no one to care about them and help them...THAT breaks God's heart.  I also know families who are walking through the pain of a loved one dying of cancer and losing their hard fought battle, as well as those who have already lost a beloved husband, father, mother, or a close loved one.  THAT'S heart breaking.  These are the things that break God's heart and they should break mine. 

One of my favorite songs has always been Hosana, because of that one line I prayed today is in that song.  I always, always, ALWAYS cry when I sing/hear that part (I'm so predictable!)...now, I know it will mean even more to me.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

I'm sorry to go all Sally Struther's on you today, but it's the revelation I've been given.  Count your blessings...they far outweigh the struggles.  Praise God for what you DO have and be thankful.  If you need a healthy dose of perspective, pray the prayer, "break my heart for what breaks yours" and see your eyes opened to the heart of God.

Thankful today for a broken heart and a loving Father,

JOY

One Glorious Day

Psalm 84:10
"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [anywhere else]; I would rather be a doorkeeper and stand at the threshold in the house of my God than to dwell [at ease] in the tents of wickedness."

Have you ever had a day where you just felt like you were swimming upstream?  A tried and true, all-out struggle?  I've been having a WEEK like that (and by the way, it's only Tuesday...Lord help me!) and when these struggles occur, they drain me emotionally and spiritually.  I keep reminding myself that these trials and momentary weaknesses are achieving a long-term Kingdom focus in my life.  There is always a purpose and God can bring great things out of these struggles.  I know it's an attack and I recognize where it comes from, but that doesn't mean it's not tough to experience.

And then I'm reminded of the verse above, which by no coincidence, the song, "Better is One Day", has been rolling around in my head for weeks as well.  Too many times, I get so caught up in my own little battles and struggles, that seem monumentous to me at the time, and I forget that we are called to a higher purpose.  All these struggles and problems we WILL face in this world will one day melt away...and one day in the Lord's courts will be better than a 1000 days here on Earth. 

Just think about that...1000 days is roughly 2.75 years.  Wrap your head around that...one single day with the Lord can blow a few years out of the water here on Earth!   I can have 1000 horrible, no good, very bad days here...but they will all pale in comparison to just one day in the presence of the Lord.  Thinking in those terms helps me adjust my attitude, count my blessings and think about all the wonderful things God has done for me in my life. I begin to realize I would rather have the struggle, do the hard work out of obedience, and allow God to continue His work in me, than to take the easy road, coast, give up and live in the world.

So, on days like today where I'm having a rough go of it, I try my best to keep my sights on that one day and remind myself, it's not about me....it's about Him.  It never has been about me, as much as my selfish desires want to tell me it is.

It's about the Kingdom...

           It's about Worship...

                      It's about Relationship...

                                 It's about One Glorious Day!

Better is One Day!

JOY



Resources to Help You Through the Troubled Times

People that know me, know that I LOVE to read and I can devour a book in no time!  One of the things that helped me get through some tough times was reading encouraging, Christian books that others would recommend to me.  Often, I'm asked about resources and I'm all to happy to pass on what inspired me and how God used those particular resources to help me look at my situation differently.  Today, I would like to share several with you in hopes that you might pick something up that God will use to speak directly to you. 

BOOKS:

1.  The Holy Bible:  You didn't think I would leave THIS one out did you? :)  Daily, focused reading time of the Word changed my life in so many ways, and I learned that the Word of the Lord really does still speak.  Don't spend more time with any other resource than this one!
2.  I Do Again, by Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs:  You may have heard of them from the "I Am Second" campaign.  A POWERFUL read on how God can and will restore a marriage, even after adultery, if both lives are submitted to Christ. 
3.  Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas:  This book will help you look at marriage in a whole new way...what if marriage is really a path to holiness and not necessarily our happiness?
4.  Crazy Love, by Francis Chan:  This book does a great job of showing how much our God loves us...more than we will ever be able to understand!
5. Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs:  This book is a MUST READ for all couples!  It breaks down the difference between men and women and lines out a marriage biblically.  A man needs respect and a woman needs love first and foremost...everything else falls into place out of that.
6.  Sun Stand Still, by Steven Furtick:  The book that literally changed my prayer life and my faith.  I can't say enough good about it!
7.  Invisible War:  What every believer needs to know about Satan, by Chip Ingram:  Great resource to understand spiritual warfare better and what is going on behind the scenes and how to better equip yourself for the battle.
8.  A Man Worth Waiting For:  How to Avoid a Bozo, by Jackie Kendall:  Great book for dating and preparing yourself for a future mate...how to recognize a Bozo vs a Boaz!  The most powerful statement in the book..."you attract where you are at"...Wow!
9.  The Ragamufin Gospel, by Brennan Manning:  Every believer should read this book...another one that literally changed my life.  What an annointed man!
10.  Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken, by Cindy Beall (releases TODAY!):  I'm so very excited to read this book as it's written by a mentor of mine.  This book culminates an 8 year journey and how God can repair what the world would say is irreversible damage...but when two hearts are submitted to God, we should expect the unexpected!  Support my friend and go pick up a copy!
11.  Any book by Craig Groeschel, pastor of Lifechurchtv.com in Oklahoma:  I really enjoyed The Christian Aetheist, Going All the Way: Preparing for a Marriage that Goes the Distance and I'm currently reading his new book Weird: Because Normal isn't Working and next up is Chazown.  Every book is good and they do NOT disappoint!
12.  Any book by Mark Batterson, pastor of National Community Church in DC:  In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day, Primal, Soulprint, Wild Goose Chase.  All great books and again, a very insightful pastor that helps stretch you as a believer.

Websites:

1.  http://www.rejoiceministries.com/ :  Great resource for those standing in the gap for their marriages.  Great daily email devotion as well
2.  http://www.cindybeall.com/ :  Same person from #10 book above.  Very good daily blog as well as a 4 part video series on her website that details her and her husband's testimony.  Great for anyone struggling with marriage issues.
3.  http://www.stevenfurtick.com/ :  Pastor from North Carolina, author of book #6 above.  Wonderful daily blog with sound spiritual wisdom/teaching that will help build your faith in the Lord.
4.  www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike :  For the days you just need a good laugh!  This guy has great comedic timing in his writing and seems like he must read my mind at times!  Who said being a Christian can't be fun?!
5.  http://www.proverbs31.org/ :  Great daily email devotion and resource on how to be that Proverbs 31 woman we all desire to be
6.  http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/ : Wonderful daily email devotion from Rick Warren that is always insightful and timely

Those are just a few of my faves and I hope maybe one or two of the above will inspire you and encourage you, whatever stage of life you may be currently in.  The best advice someone spoke to me back then still stands today, "Be sure to surround yourself with Godly influences, whether that be reading material, TV, radio or friends.  You never know which way God will choose to speak to you!"

Have a safe and blessed 4th of July!

JOY

Made to Worship

As I have matured in my faith over the years, so have my worship experiences.  For me, that has been a slow process because, hey, I was raised in the baptist church!  If you clapped or heaven forbid, raised your hands while singing, you were going to get labeled the "holy roller" chick for life!  So, over the years, I've had to overcome that sort of stigma from my past but I'm happy to say those chains have been broken and I'm free to worship in any way I feel so inclined.  I feel there are different levels of worship that I have encountered...all forms of worship, just some are more intense than others and feel more "connected" spiritually.

With that being said, I was fortunate enough to attend the "Desperation Conference" at New Life Church last week in Colorado Springs.  Although geared for youth, I walked away with probably more than they did from the week!  (To see a few thousand kids worshipping the Lord with whole hearts, unashamed, unhindered and glorifying God...well, if that doesn't light your fire, your wood is wet!  It reminded me we should all have that innocence to not care what others think and really worship the Lord as He so desires!) The conference was jammed packed with awesome times of worship by very gifted musicians.  To set the scene, it was a super cool Christian concert of sorts three times a day with heart-pounding music, combined with fog and light shows, which added to the intensity (definitely not your run of the mill worship experience).  The final singer to close out the week was Kari Jobe.  If you don't know who she is...well stop right now and go download some of her music!  She is so annointed and gifted and she has a voice that must sound like an angel.  She is such a tiny little thing but what a powerful voice!

She closed her set with "Revelation Song," which carried me into one of the most powerful moments of worship I have ever experienced.  As I sang with my hands raised high and eyes closed, it felt like the rest of the room just fell away.  I was the only one there and I was in a vaccuum of sorts...just me and the Lord.  One part of the song says "Holy, holy, Is the Lord Almighty"...while I was singing that phrase, the spot lights literally landed on me and didn't just dance over me but stood in place for what seemed like minutes but I'm sure was merely seconds.  My eyes were closed but I could still feel the lights so bright on me that I literally felt warm, like I was standing facing the noon day sun.  I could see the intensity of the lights as if my eyes were wide open.  As she sang, I forgot it was Kari Jobe; I really seemed to be a heavenly, angelic voice ushering me into the Lord's presence.  It made me think of the scene described in Isaiah 6:

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.  And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”

In that moment, as crazy as it may sound, I got a glimpse of heaven.  Worshipping our Lord with one voice, praising Him singing Holy, Holy, Holy and feeling the light of the SON, aka Jesus, shine and illuminate the heavens and create a warmth in us that feels like a loving embrace.  To sum it up, it was a supernatural experience right in the middle of a crowded room full of teens jumping up and down all around me.  But for me, it was a one-on-one time of praise.

Even though the actual experience lasted but a moment, the impression left on me will last a lifetime.  We were MADE to worship the Lord and praise Him!  One day, I will worship in that way ALL OF THE TIME.  I don't have to hang on to a glimpse or a glimmer that the Lord revealed to me last week...I can look forward to spending all eternity praising the Lord.

How sweet is that?! 

JOY

Milestones...Past, Present and Future

I know there are many people in my life who woke up today, headed in to work, and then happened to look at a calendar and see today's date...June 8th...and that triggered them to think of me and maybe they even prayed a quick prayer for me.  Some probably wondered how I was on this day...admit it, you know you did!  But, most of you probably felt too awkward to say anything, so in my usual way, I'm going to address this topic head on.

Yes, today is the day I was married nine years ago.  I remember it, too...but the day doesn't hold the joy, nor the pain as it has in the past.  It honestly, is just a day on the calendar to me at this point.  Because it is a day I associate as a touchstone of past events and a reminder of what God has done in my life over the past decade, I did something I don't normally do...I went back and read what I posted on this day one year ago.  Wow, that takes me back to that season of my life where I was in such limbo...I mean, I believed God had a plan and I had a lot of faith and trust in that plan.  I was being asked to wait for it all to unfold, and I was being promised that change was coming...but in the process, I was in agony in that waiting.  Just months later, I was finally released from my convenant from God but at the time of that blog, I didn't know the when or hows of it all.

The things that jump off at me as I re-read that blog are two-fold:  1)I was steadily praying God's will be done in my life and 2)I knew there was a reason I was being asked to wait.  I won't lie and say I was just thrilled about waiting, but I knew enough to know that God was in control.  Boy was He ever...!

Now a short year later, I can look back and see that God had such a HUGE plan unfolding for my life during that time.  The whole time I was praying for one person, or so I thought, He was readying another person for me and lining things up in his life as well.  Turns out my prayers were heard and answered, just in a very different, but WAY better way!  Some times we have to wait because of us, but other times, we are waiting for God to work things on the OTHER side of the mountain (or maybe both things at the same time!)  God always knows better and He always brings beauty out of the ashes when we get out of the way and let Him work!

I'm a big girl and I'm pretty good about admitting when I am wrong...so I will take this moment to say, I WAS WRONG.  I really believed at that point in my life that I had already had my shot at love, I had married the man of my dreams and I would never be able to top the day we were married in my life.  That has turned out to be very wrong and I now see that.  I was short-changing God by saying those things and I was putting God in a box that I had created with my mind.  Please understand that I did believe God was going to do some big things in my life and I was already seeing the fruits of that, but at the same time, I was limiting what I thought God could and would do.  Big mistake!

What I can say at this point is I have learned what can happen when you let God pick a person for you vs. you pick them out for yourself!  There is a love that is so much greater, deeper and pure that occurs when you love someone as God intended all along.  The spiritual connection that occurs when God lines two peoples' hearts up is just nothing short of amazing.  The deepness of the relationship and the love that grows when two people are spiritually connected still astounds me.  I didn't know how to pray for where I'm at today because I didn't know it existed!  It truly is more than I could ever ask or imagine...thank you Lord for always having a better plan for my life than what I can think up!

So for those of you who are in limbo today because of days on a calendar that are painful to you, whether that's because of divorce or a death of a loved one or some other hurt...just know that most times, we just can not understand the why's and how's of God's timing.  Trust in Him for the outcome and the future.  Let Him bring you NEW milestones and NEW dates on the calendar to circle and be overjoyed about!  He can and will redeem all that pain where those old hurts just no longer sting anymore...they turn out to be just a day that need not be feared.

Philipians 3:13
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Here's to the Future!

JOY

Can I Just Say I TOLD YOU SO!!!

(I just wanted to re-post this blog from January 5th of this year as it is very much relevant as this week marked the beginning of the NBA Finals...and guess who's in it?  My Dallas Mavs!!!  Just wanted to say...I called it months ago!  Excited for some legendary basketball action in the upcoming two weeks and then I promise, I will come back down to Earth and try not to be an annoying fan anymore...but no guarantees!!!  I might also get some sleep for a change and not walk around with bags around my eyes looking like a zombie...but WHEN they win it all, I will be able to say that the lack of sleep was well worth it to watch history in the making.  So Let's Go Mavs!!!)

If you know me, you know I am an avid basketball fan. And, to add to that I'm a huge Dallas Mavericks basketball fan so I go to a lot of games and follow them closely. They've had a great start this season and have played so well that people had already started the whispers about "championship"...until last week. Last week, their star MVP forward, Dirk Nowitzki, went out of the game with what turned out to be a knee strain. He hasn't suited up since and he has been relegated to cheering the team on from the sidelines (and last night throwing out Tshirts!). And to add insult to injury, in the same week, they lost another star forward, Caron Butler, for the season due to a patellar tendon rupture that required surgery. There were also a few other players that missed a game here or there due to minor injuries. They even had to pull a player up out of the D League to suit up and play because they were that short on players. So all in all, a rough week for the ol' Mavs. They lost three games in a row that they should have won when they had only lost five games the ENTIRE season. I mean, that is a blow to your pride and ego whether you are a player, coach, owner or a fan. I'm sure that locker room was not a fun place to be after those games. Naysayers started saying that Dallas can't win without Dirk. But you know what happened? After a few losses, and I'm sure a lot of intense practices, the guys started to gel again and become a new team and hit a new stride. They've won the last two in a row and that's a huge boost to their morale.

Why do I write all of this? It's because I started thinking about basketball and how it relates to life and I've been drawing some parallels. That team could've easily said, "It's over, they are right...we can't win without Dirk or Caron". But instead, they regrouped, they didn't listen to the negative speak and they came out with a Can-Do attitude...even after some tough back-to-back losses. What doesn't beat you makes you stronger, right?! That's what being a team is all about and that's how champions are made...it's not one guy (although one really awesome guy helps!) that wins it, but it is a whole team. Championships aren't handed over but they are earned and many times won through some adversity along the way that caused real growth for the team. It's about positive attitude, picking yourself up when the chips are down, and turning a deaf ear to the negative attitude of the world. Tuning out those that say it can't be done.  It's about flat refusing to be beat. It's about heart. It's about believing you can win. I predict that at the end of the season, they will look back and say not having Dirk in these few games was the best thing that could've happened to this team. Other guys have stepped up and done an outstanding job. When Dirk is back, that's just going to mean a much stronger team across the board.

Isn't that how life works when you think about it? We all go through tough times but it is very interesting how people handle perhaps the very same situation. Person #1 takes it all in stride and makes a bad situation a defining moment for them and a real touchstone in their life. They can look back and see that situation is what it took to make them who they are and they are better for it. Person #2, gives up, becomes negative and bitter and just loses hope and let's face it....never recovers and they become a miserable person. They listen to those naysayers and they believe the negative and therefore it becomes true. What's the difference in the two? Because in this life, we are never promised an easy ride (and if you've bought that lie, you might want to ask for a return!)...in fact, quite the opposite. It all comes down to attitude, mental toughness and thinking Christ-like thoughts that I believe makes the difference. I believe your attitude can make you or break you as a person. I believe through hardships and trials, no matter how tough they are, that if you keep your identity in Christ and keep that positive attitude and don't give up, that you can and will grow through adversity. It's not easy and it's not fun and there will be some really tough, uphill days...but when you get to top of that mountain, how much sweeter the victory will be!

So with a New Year comes new attitudes and I want to encourage everyone to maybe make an attitude adjustment right now! Fill your mind with positive thoughts and beliefs and surround yourselves with those that do the same. Don't listen to the lies of the world but keep your thoughts Christ-centered. I believe...no I KNOW...it makes all the difference. Do you want to be Person #1 or Person #2? The choice is yours.

Attitude Is Everything!


JOY



PS GO MAVS!

What A Difference A Year Makes!!!

It's hard to believe that a short year ago, on this day at this exact hour, I was sitting at this same desk in the same chair and I was hanging up the same phone after my paralegal confirmed that yes, my divorce had been finalized in the State of Texas.  I remember shedding only a few tears that day, and just having a strange sense of peace wash over me, as in...it is finished.  Gone was the fear that I had before and now present was a sense of  "greater things are yet to come".  I cannot describe the moment adequately, but I felt God was going to do something in my life out of that pain.  I mean, let's face it, He had already begun a huge work in me during that time period...but I just knew it wasn't over yet!  At that time, I just couldn't fathom what that was going to look like...but I trusted Him enough to know that He always keeps His promises and He had some pretty big plans for me.

Fast forward a year to today...and the joy God has brought to me has been nothing short of amazing.  I often have to say "did that really all happen?"  Yep, it sure did.  But, it truly is a distant memory just one short year later.  God has healed me completely to the point that you can't even see a scar where that hurt and heart break was in my life.  I used to always wonder if there would be a piece of me that would just stay broken, wouldn't heal, and always feel the pain of that past mistake. If I'm being truthful, I thought I would always be just a tiny bit damaged.  Nope.  Not in the least.  And that surprises even me on some days.  What God has done is to wipe away all of that pain and disappointment, frustration and hurt from my life because He loves me THAT much.  He's not made me wallow in my failure, but quite the opposite...He has rewarded my faithfulness and He's embraced me and showed me He was in control the entire time.
When my trials began, my pastor spoke some words of truth to me that I have never forgotten.  He said, "Out of this brokeness, God is going to do amazing things and one day, maybe five years from now, you are going to look back and be able to see His hand on your life guiding you every step of the way".  I clung to that and I hoped for that but in the midst of the pain, it was really hard to comprehend.  Now, on the other side of the fire, it's much easier to see a chain of events that have unfolded in my life and continue to unfold and to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God has pre-ordained it all.  There is no other explanation possible!  About a year ago, my sister spoke the same type of truth over me, basically saying that I needed to hold on because I had no way of knowing what the future had in store for me, but it could and would be better than before.  I wanted to say HOGWASH at the time, but now, I see she was more than right (she's already inserted her I TOLD YOU SO's don't you worry!).  One year later, not only am I happy again, but I'm HAPPIER than I ever have been in my life.  I'm just full of joy for what the Lord has done in my life!  It's the type of happiness that can only come from Him.  He's restored all I lost, there's no doubt about that...but He's brought me MORE.  It boggles my mind somedays, and I had a season of my life where I just didn't feel worthy of all the joy I was experiencing...but He got me over that, too!  I've never felt such peace in my life.  It's the kind of peace that just washes over you and keeps you centered.  And that's an amazing feeling. 

At this point, the rest of my journey is left unwritten...but I know God sees the entire picture and He has a perfect plan and perfect timing.  I trust in Him for the outcome in the next year and there forward.  I'm still learning, I'm still growing, I'm still being transformed and that will not ever change.  I see my trials and the last year as a gift from God, a vehicle of sorts to get me to God's best for my life, which is what He wanted all along.  I realize that the entire time I was praying for one person, God was answering my prayers in a completely different way as only He can do.  I could only see what was right in front of me...but God thought and wanted bigger for me, His best.  Prayers that I thought went unanswered were actually answered in a different, much, MUCH better way.  I see that I could have never prayed for where I'm at right now in life because I honestly did not know it existed.  How do you pray for the unimaginable?!  But, in God's wondrous power, He truly has delivered to me MORE than I could have ever asked for or imagined.  How sweet it is...

I can only sum it up in one way...

Blessed!

JOY

When the Storms Rage In This Life

Last night, in North Texas and Southern Oklahoma, we had wicked storms in this area.  The skies were black, the wind was fierce, reaching up to 70 mph at times, tornadoes were spotted all around with many touching down, thunderstorms and lightning lit up the sky, and there was up to softball-sized hail in some areas.  Many people lost homes and possessions due to the severity of destruction when these storms thundered through their area.  I was blessed to have it go within five miles of me, but not affect my home at all.  It was a scary night but it could have been so much worse!  What struck me this morning, when I sat on my back porch to do my quiet time, was that the sun was shining so bright, there was not a cloud in the sky, the birds were chirping and it was just a gorgeous, Texas day.  No inkling at all of the storms that had ripped through the area just twelve short hours before.

Isn't that how life is in general?  We all will go through storms in life and trials of various sorts...some people are hit worse than others, and we often never know the whys of that, nor do we understand it.  But then, we reach the other side of that storm and life is just so sweet as God has wiped the slate clean.  At that point, it may even be hard to visualize or remember how bad that storm truly was because God just brings such beauty, growth and new life out of it all.  It's times like these that remind me of Psalm 30:5, "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning."  God has such infinite grace and mercy for us and only He can create beauty out of the ashes and rubble!  It never ceases to amaze me how He can bring a new day forth so rapidly in someone's life and I just think it's a gentle, physical reminder when a new day dawns every morning of how God is in control of not just the heavens and the Earth, but each detail of our daily lives.  What an awesome God we serve!  That brings to mind one of my favorite verses right now:

 Zephaniah 3:17-20

Do not fear, Zion;

do not let your hands hang limp.

The LORD your God is with you,

the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

in his love he will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing.

 I will remove from you

all who mourn over the loss of your appointed festivals,

which is a burden and reproach for you.

At that time I will deal

with all who oppressed you.

I will rescue the lame;

I will gather the exiles.

I will give them praise and honor

in every land where they have suffered shame.

At that time I will gather you;

at that time I will bring you home.

I will give you honor and praise

among all the peoples of the earth

when I restore your fortunes

before your very eyes,

says the LORD.

To me, these verses speak clearly about the destruction we face in life...whether that be physical, emotional or spiritual storms and what is going on behind the scenes while those storms are raging and what God can and will produce after it all has blown away.  The picture of the Lord rejoicing over me, even while I sleep, just brings me such peace!  I think about my friends who just lost material possessions but I have the comfort knowing that God will restore it because they love Him and they are faithful to Him.  We so often get tied up at looking at how big and bad the storm is because let's face it, it IS distracting, that we forget to concentrate on the end result and God's promises of the joy that WILL come in the morning!

Jared Anderson has a song named "AMAZED" that I just love right now and I could just listen to it a million times.  It goes along with the verses above in my mind...God delighting over us, rejoicing over us, dancing over us while we are not even aware of it.  Storms swirl around us and He is THERE in the storms, as well as the seasons of valleys and mountaintop experiences.  It is amazing His love for us...we cannot begin to fathom the depth, the width and greatness of that love...it's like nothing we can ever have, even for the ones in our lives we love the very most. 

So, when the storms rage and the thunder strikes and the destruction comes in this life, remember to cling to the promises that the Lord has given you and claim the victory only He can bring about.  He is there and He will bring forth the sunshine in your life.  Sometimes it may take awhile but rest assured it will come to those that wait patiently and put their trust in the Lord.

JOY





Happy One Year Anniversary to My Blog!

It's actually been a little over a year as my first blog attempt was mid April of 2010, but I wanted to take a moment to celebrate the milestone of one year of blogging.  It all started out as a way to keep up with friends, instead of sending a jillion emails, as well as to keep people updated when I traveled on a veterinary mission trip to Haiti last year.  Since then, it has turned into a specific way God has used my story (which is really HIS story) and my gift of writing to open doors for a ministry of sorts.  Who would have thought that?  Certainly not me when I started it!

For curious minds, did you know that...

• In a year's time, this blog has been viewed 4000+ times!  The first time I found the "stats button" was about 4 months into the writing of the blog.  I didn't even know you could track hits, and I had ZERO idea that anyone, outside of my family, were reading what I wrote.  When I clicked and found I had over a 1000 hits, I was in shock! 
• People read this blog from twelve different countries.  Of course Americans are the top readers, but #2 and #3 are Russia and Canada...of those outside of the USA, I would love to know how you found me!
• Even though I'm the one posting, often times I end up being blessed by what people write me privately.  It has been a sense of encouragement and direction over a year's time and it has been such a blessing to me!
• I've actually become friends with some of my followers that I did not even know until someone directed them to my blog.
• I often wake up in the middle of the night with inspiration about what God lays on my heart to write about on this forum.  Anything in my life that happens, good or bad, now leads to the thought "that would make a good blog".  Honestly, it is very cathartic for me to write as I process things I'm going through so when I write so it's very healing for me.
• I generally never go back and read any posts I've written in the past. 

God never ceases to amaze me on how He can use non-conventional ways to touch other's lives.  For those of you that have shared your stories and opened your hearts to me over the past year, thank you.  You will never know what they have meant to me!  And for those that faithfully read and forward on to others, THANK YOU! 

As they say, the best is yet to come!

Blessings!

JOY

Divorced and Dating, Part Three

It's been a week since I've blogged but I wanted to be sure and not leave anyone hanging on this topic!  I promised three parts, so three parts I will deliver!  Thank you for all the positive feedback on this subject matter...it really has warmed my heart to get messages from many of you in all walks of life...single, divorced, dating, young and old (like me!).  The fact that Part 1 and Part 2 are in my top 5 blogs viewed of all time speaks volumes to me.  I'm glad I got out of my comfort zone and I wrote them now!  So, bottom line...thank you!

One of the things that God has revealed to me this time around dating deals with control.  In the past, I see that in any type of relationship, particularly a dating relationship, I kept all the control and I pushed my own agenda forward in pretty much every situation.  I ignored every red flag and burning bush the Lord might have thrown my way; I ignored friends and family who loved me and tried to speak words of caution into my life; and I did not seek God's will for my life or the relationship.  Looking back, I see God put a lot of checks into my Spirit...I just flat did not listen.  Like an obstinate child, I really, truly believed I knew best.  How prideful and how stubborn was THAT?!

If you are going to start a dating relationship and keep God first, you need to be really seeking God's will every second of the day and give HIM the control!  I have specifically asked God to close certain doors (He hasn't) and open others (He has) and make the paths straight and clear even for a slow learner such as me; I've asked friends that I walk with in accountability to pray for the situation AND to speak words of truth and caution into my life when need be (they do, they have and I have listened!); and I've asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and keep me very sensitive to any checks in my Spirit along the way.  Another very important question to ask:  is the person you are dating doing the same?!  Because if they are not...that's a HUGE red flag in itself!!!  Dating is a test, plain and simple but it's not a requirement.  You don't HAVE to date anyone!  Question yourself and be real with the answers:  Do you like what you see in that person at all stages?  How are they when things don't go their way?  Does their walk line up with their talk or is it lacking?  And bottom line...is the Lord giving you peace about it all?  If He's not, better think twice.  Be alert, be self-controlled and be cautious who you give your heart away to and let the Lord be your guide at all times! 

I talked about this in Part 2 but I think being friends first and foremost is so very important!  Too often we rush into a relationship and get all "serious" without really getting to know the person on a deeper level.  For me this time around, a deepened friendship developed over nearly a six month period until we both could honestly say we were each other's best friends.  It was like the Lord was allowing a foundation to be built one brick at a time in the proper order and He kept things from getting out of order.  It was slow, but steady progress and I wouldn't change a thing because now, as it has deepened into a dating relationship, I know this person inside and out from MONTHS of talking and sharing and I have no doubts about who he is and where he stands with God.  God knows just what we need and how we need it and I believe being friends and not skipping over that step is imperative.  That's how trust is built, but too often we speed by it in pushing our own agenda.  AND if you start slow and build a friendship first, you may just be able to see that person isn't the "one for you" early on and save yourself some heart ache down the road!  Once again, allowing God to control each step, is essential.  He's sees the bigger picture that is just not visible to us quite yet!

In ending this series, let me just say that when you keep God central in your life in every way, including dating, the results are nothing short of amazing.  I have NEVER dated this way in the past and I'm constantly blown away by what God is doing and how awesome things can be already at this stage.  I had it so wrong in the past and honestly, was just short-changing myself all along.  What God wants for us is so much better than what our tiny little brains can envision!!!  I've gotten a glimpse into what can happen when you empty YOUR hands of control and put it all in GOD'S hands...and it is incredible that God truly can and will do more than you ask or imagine.  Take it from me, it is well worth the wait to do it the right way, God's way...He will reward that obedience if you wait on Him, trust in Him and believe He will do exactly what He says He will, but only when the time is right.

Aren't second chances awesome?  Thank God for His Grace!

JOY

Divorced and Dating, Part 2

Wading out into the waters of dating again after a hiatus can be scary, but if you go about it in the right way, it can be quite wonderful, too!  I think you need to really listen to God and analyze WHY you are dating or wanting to date someone?  And I think you need to pray...A LOT..to empty your hands of the control and let God do what He does best.  Depending on how you go about it, dating can be a distraction or a blessing.  Your heart and how you let God move in the situation makes the difference in which way things will progress.

After you are divorced, everyone wants to give you advice, set you up with their friend, or just get you out of the house.  They think you are lonely and they want you to be "happy" so of course dating is the answer to that problem, right?  Sounds logical to me!  I will have to say, I get a whole lot of bad advice that I discard, but many more give me Godly advice that really makes a lot of sense.  I wish I had been mature enough to receive it ten years ago.  So today, I want to share the Top Ten helpful dating suggestions...in no particular order of course!

1. Let God pick your dates/future mate...He will direct you to the right person in His timing when you are ready.
2. Be sure this person becomes a friend...and I mean a best friend...and develop that friendship way before any relationship blooms.  Take it slow!  Get to know one another!  Spend a LOT of time talking and knowing one another on a heart level first.
3. You will attract someone right where you are at (think about that one for a second!)...so be sure you are dating out of the right frame of mind and heart and that you are "at" the right place with God.
4. Anyone that slows you down or gets you off course spiritually is dangerous...CUT AND RUN!  They should build you up in the Lord and be running the same race with you or encourage you forward, never backwards.
5. Put God central in any relationship and never put any relationship as an idol before Him.  He is your source for happiness...keep it that way.
6. Purity is of utmost importance always, but particularly for those of us who have experienced infidelity and adultery.  If you can't stay pure in a dating relationship, how will you be able to trust that person in the future and know they have self control if the relationship goes the distance to marriage?
7. If there are any "red flags" or checks in your spirit about the other person, there's your answer.  Don't hang around or convince yourself they will change.  Dating is NOT marriage!  You can stop seeing them NOW before things get more advanced and it becomes more difficult to untangle yourself emotionally from the relationship.  Wait for God's best for your life and do not let the enemy tempt you with any less. 
8. Be yourself, be genuine, give the other person hard tests to see their true motives, and see if you both still like what you see!
9. The couple that prays together, stays together.
10. After a year of dating the same person, if you honestly can't say that this person is "THE ONE" God has picked for you to marry and you still don't have peace about that, then you should really analyze the relationship and make some tough decisions.  (Not saying you should marry at this point by any means, but you should have some inkling of God's direction for the relationship by this point).

There are many more but these are ones that have impacted me.  The best advice I can give to anyone is pray, pray, PRAY! He will open or shut doors as need be, but you must be willing to be obedient and let things play out in His time table, and not your own!

Just my 2 cents...anyone else have any advice they want to share?

JOY

Divorced and Dating, Part 1

This is a topic I've been wanting to write about for quite some time now, and I have a LOT to say about it.  Until now, I really haven't felt led to share some of what I've learned and am learning, but it's been on my heart recently.  I'm no expert on the subject at hand (disclaimer!) but I want to share some of my experiences to those of you who are in my shoes in hopes that something I write might just help give you clarity to your situation.  This is going to be a three part series, so keep checking back if you are interested!

For me, after my divorce, I just was not interested in dating.  I do believe that was a God thing!  So many people run to another person and start dating right away in order to ease the burn of rejection and to feel accepted, but they do it before real healing has occurred.  I think that is very dangerous and can be a ticking time bomb if one is not careful.  My focus post-divorce was to make sure I processed all God had revealed to me and allow myself time to heal and to serve Him in the process.  A "messed up" me would not have been good for anyone.  I was very unsure at that time if I was ever to date, much less remarry again to be honest.  I had the mentality of "done that once, screwed it up, that ship has sailed".  And to be perfectly up front, I didn't have any desire to date.  How would I trust someone?  How would I ever find anyone that would measure up with my HIGH standards and be able to get past my insecurities?  My honest-to-goodness prayer last fall was "God you know I'm happy by myself but if you want someone in my life, YOU will have to drop them on my doorstep because I'm not going to go look for him.  No way, no how!  You can move the mountains, but if you don't, I'm cool with that, too!".  I had been released from my marriage (check out the The Final Chapter for that story) and I felt a sense of relief and gratitude...I didn't want to muddy the waters with dating!

Let me just say that dating in your mid 30s, post-divorce is WAY different than in your 20s!  I no longer was interested in going out to have a free dinner and a fun date!  I craved something deeper and more meaningful and I was only interested in a Godly man that had Christ central in his life...but I assure you, I felt the person I desired just possibly could not exist.  I have looked back over a lot of things, and I realize that what I looked for in a husband in my 20s was very superficial.  The only requirement I wanted in the spiritual sense was..."are they a Christian and do they attend church?  CHECK!"  That was enough...but now, at this age and after my life experiences, that wasn't going to cut it for me.  I guess that's the definition of the saying, "older and wiser".

One of the many dear friends who has mentored me through this season of life is remarried to a wonderful, Godly man.  As a couple, they just really gave me hope and inspired me that maybe, just maybe, things could be different the second time around.  This friend gave me some wonderful advice last fall and I took it to heart.  She recommended I make a list of what my heart's desires were in someone to date and ultimately a future mate.  After making that list, she recommended I pray over it daily.  Not that God needs any help picking someone out for me, but I think it was a good exercise in reminding me what I truly was looking for in a man and to not settle for less than God's best for me.  And let me just say, this list turned out to be exhaustive and long (I don't do anything half way!).  Some things were very superficial, some items were just about likes/dislikes and other things were very deep and spiritual and relational (which to me is the most important but hey, if you are asking for the moon, why not include it all?!).  For the record, I would advise anyone doing this to be very cautious about not making a list that is just the "anti-ex" list!  Truly pray over it and be honest with yourself and God and take your time with the whole process.

For me, this exercise helped give me clarity and it focused me.  I know it might sound elitist, but for me, that wasn't my heart at all.  It gave me hope that God was hearing my heart's desires and He knew where that person was and HE would bring him around when the time was right.  And for me, it was going to take THAT person to get me off my couch as I was very happy with the life I had!  But the peace I had about it all was the fact that I didn't have to make it happen.  God would if and when He was ready and when He thought I was ready!  And you know what?  Turned out I didn't do a thing...I'm a private person so I won't go in to details, but God did drop someone on my figurative door step and in all honesty, it really freaked me out when I started seeing that he matched up to "the list" I had made months before he even entered my life.  I really thought I would be blessed if someone with 50% of the qualities on that list showed up...I know God can do anything He wants, but I thought it was asking too much to hope for the WHOLE LIST.

Turns out, it wasn't too much to ask...how awesome is that?  What a God of details we serve!  That person most certainly does exist and every fear I had to keep me from dating...well God knew exactly how to remedy all those doubts and show me He was in control of the situation.

So for all you singles out there, make your own list.  Be intentional and very specific.  Pray over it and believe in God's abilities to bring beauty out of the ashes of your past mistakes and hurts.  And when you are ready, He will move those mountains.  And trust me, it will be a thing of joy and worth the wait!

JOY

The Sweetness of Second Chances

John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Philippians 3:12-14 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I write frequently about being amazed by God, but nothing amazes me as of late more than the second chances He gives His children, whom He obviously so loves.  There are so many negatives in this world, and boy, do we often make such a bigger mess of our lives by taking control of any given situation and just muddying the waters.  But at the end of the day, God continues to give us chance after chance to walk with Him and be in relationship with Him.  Some of us are on our tenth chance or so...but He's still there, pursuing, waiting and loving us until we finally get it right. 

One of the things that I just can't fathom is how God wipes the past away and truly can make all things new.  See, a little over a year ago, I just couldn't see the forest for the trees.  I couldn't understand how the hurt would ever go away.  I felt life as I had known it was over.  And you know what?  That life was over...but not in the way I thought!  That old life was gone, destroyed, broken...never to be repaired.  But what happened next, was truly something that I couldn't have dreamed up.  Out of the dust and grime of a failed marriage blossomed a new creation...a new me.  And I have to admit, I like this "new me" a lot better than the "old me".  I cannot tell you how many people come up to me and tell me they can just see the joy radiating out of me and that it is all over my face...that my mother and father named me perfectly.  What a compliment and a testament of what the Lord has done in my life...and for sure, no one said that in years past I can guarantee.  It's taken me 35 years to live up to my name in a lot of ways.  And that's because I was living for me in the past...I wasn't living for the Lord.  That selfishness was squelching His joy and light in my life.  Now, it's His joy, His love, His grace that pours out of me (well most days I hope!).  Don't get me wrong...I still make a mess of things when I start trying to pick up an issue and try to control it or I start walking in the flesh.  But, now, I'm very sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance and direction in my life and that makes a huge difference in how I walk out my faith and daily life.

I can honestly say, that the past is the past.  I don't think about it every day.  Sure, I'm sorry it happened.  But I don't waste time dwelling on it or analyzing it.  Right now, I have so many things in my life that are just so exciting and brand new and full of hope.  God has brought me a new hope, a new future, and a different way to look at and do life with Him.  I have no clue how He does it, but He's wiped the slate clean.  There's no comparisons, there's no doubts, there's no part of my heart that He hasn't healed and transformed.  A do over of sorts.  It truly is like the first time everytime I do something...and it's amazing, wonderful, right and NEW.

No matter what your situation, there is always hope.  Don't believe the lie that you don't deserve a second chance in this world because of past mistakes.  Hang on to God and let Him do the redemptive work in your life He's been trying to do all along.  Sit back, hang on, and be amazed at the ride He will take you on.

Second Chances ROCK!

JOY