This weekend, I attended the Women of Faith event in Dallas and I had the privilege of listening to some amazing speakers, as well as just spending time immersing myself in God's presence and word. An amazing weekend for sure! One of the speakers was Karen James, whose husband, Kelly James, was killed in 2006 in the Mt. Hood mountain climbing tragedy. She's written a book (which I've already read!) "Holding Fast: The Untold Story of the Mount Hood Tragedy". It's interesting how similar our stories are in some ways, although quite different circumstances, but I could really relate to her. Pain and grief are the same beast, no matter how they came to be present in your life. She and her husband had a great marriage and a very deep love for one another and he truly was a Godly man. However, she always had a fear that she would lose him and he was the most important person to her and in her life. So, when he was gone, she really had to deal with a lot of issues, as anyone would, as her biggest fear in life had become a reality. Thankfully, she had a loving Heavenly Father that guided her through this tough time and now is using her story and her pain to help others.
After reading her book and hearing her personal testimony, I couldn't stop thinking about how I completely understood where she had been in her pain and grief, as I have been there, too. The death of a dream is a painful thing. My husband had several health issues, and even some health scares, while we were married and I remember praying, more than once, that God not take him from me as I just could not live without him here on Earth...he was just that precious to me and that integral of a part of my life. I literally didn't think I could draw a breath if he was not in my life. The love that I felt for him was that deep and I had put him very first in my life, even though that is not how God intended things. He never knew the nights that I was so sick with worry over his condition, that I physically could not sleep as I would cry and pray for God to take the pain from him. So, when he walked out of my life, there were a lot of reason for pain...but one reason was my worst fear had just been realized. He may not be dead...but he was as good as gone. In an instant, he was no longer part of my life and he left a gaping hole in my soul that I could not repair on my own.
Now, I'm not saying because I had my priorities out of whack, that God decided to punish me or be cruel to me. He is a loving Father, but that is one of the lessons I have had to learn during this painful process. No idol, no man, no thing needs to be Number ONE in my life except for Him. And, when my priorities have been in line, He has done amazing things in my life and supplied all my needs. I've talked openly about how blessed I am to have wonderful family and friends who have supported me and guided me through this time. But, let's face it, at the end of the day, when you are lying there in bed, alone in a still and empty house, left alone with your thoughts...they are not there. But, God is...and in this time of agony I learned that truly, He is all I need. It has been a painful process to get to this point, but it has made all the difference and the secret behind how I kept putting one foot in front of the other. Sure, I still have times of grieving over that death of the dream. I'm normal and it is a process...one I've been told that can take up to two years to heal and work through (wow, that's encouraging, right?!) but the lessons have been learned and I'm better for it no matter why this had to happen.
As I sat there at the conference Friday night, Natalie Grant came back on stage to do an encore' and she performed one of my all time favorite hymns, "It is Well With My Soul" acapello. I sat there and cried tears of joy and understanding because those words meant more to me than they ever had before in my life. Despite the pain, the hurt, the loss, the grief...I can honestly say it is well with my soul...and gone is that huge gaping hole. There's still a hole...but it is a lot smaller now. God's in control, He's sovereign, He's on the throne and I have confidence not in my abilities but in His and what He's doing and going to do in my life. And I'm okay with that.
It Is Well with My Soul
Horatio G. Spafford
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
In Him,
JOY
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Guardrails, Gas Pedals, & Brake Lights
Did I get your attention??? No, I'm not going to become a mechanic of any sort but I heard a quote from the singer Dave Barnes ("God Gave Me You") regarding friendships and it has been on my mind for the past week and I thought I would share it here:
"God gives us people in our lives to be guardrails to keep us from going off track and others to be gas pedals to motivate us and encourage us!"
Wow...let that sink in for a minute and think about which people in your life are the guardrails and which are the gas pedals...
I've shared my heart on what my friendships have meant through this valley I have been in and how I've developed LEVEL 10 friendships that would have never occurred without my struggles and us all deciding to "be real" with one another and lay it all out there...the good, the bad and most definitely the ugly. I can picture specific people (you know who you are!) who at just the right moment, when I was about to go off track and do something I would have later regretted, steered me back on the right path with love and gentleness and thankfully, I was open to receive it and take counsel. I call these people my little angels here on Earth but most definitley they have been guardrails for me and God has used them to speak truth and life to me! There are also others who may not have been in my exact situation before, but they were there for me to encourage me, to speak LIFE into me and just say, THIS IS NOT OVER! God is in this...hang on a little longer and HE WILL prosper you and show you a wonderful future despite the ugliness of your situation and circumstances. They spoke hope, love, and promises to me and were stepping on that gas pedal to motivate me, encourage me and be my cheerleader when honestly, I did NOT feel like cheering. They didn't just believe in me, more importantly, they believed in GOD and His word and His promises and would not let me even think about defeat. Praise God for friends like that!!! I can assure you, frienships are of the Lord!
John 15:12-14
12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command.
So, as I've thought about this quote and how true-to-life it is in my own life, I think it needs to be taken a step further. I've shared my heart on what my friendships have meant through this valley before so that's no news to anybody. But, I will share the flip side of that equation. There are always going to be some people (I'm not going to call them friends) in your life that will do whatever it takes to step on the brakes as hard as they can and derail you. They whisper little doubts to you; they say you are crazy; they make fun of you even when you are down and out; they are negative, the glass is half empty type people; they might even take a little pride in the fact that you've been "laid low" and they judge you without even knowing you or your heart. These people can be summed up in one word...poison. They walk with the world so they are in direct opposition to anything you try to do in the spirit. I've learned some sad lessons regarding these people and I've come to the conclusion that sometimes, they just have to be pruned out of your life and they most certainly are not friends. Anyone that knows me knows that I have more compassion for hurting people that are down on their luck than most people...maybe more than I should. I ATTRACT those type people, and I always have...because I have a soft heart for them. BUT, when someone will not accept counsel as a friend, and even goes so far to try to lead me down a path of destruction...I have to put my foot down. I'm not judging them but I'm turning them over to God...and that is Biblical!
Titus 3:10-11
10Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned
I'm the type that never wants to give up in any situation, but God really has worked on me, even recently, to be very cautious of these people that like to "ride the brakes" in my life! I encourage everyone to evaluate your friendships closely...and even evaluate what type of friend YOU are or want to be in your relationships. For me, I would much rather be a guardrail or a gas pedal for my friends, and I hope and pray I am!
Have a blessed weekend!
JOY
"God gives us people in our lives to be guardrails to keep us from going off track and others to be gas pedals to motivate us and encourage us!"
Wow...let that sink in for a minute and think about which people in your life are the guardrails and which are the gas pedals...
I've shared my heart on what my friendships have meant through this valley I have been in and how I've developed LEVEL 10 friendships that would have never occurred without my struggles and us all deciding to "be real" with one another and lay it all out there...the good, the bad and most definitely the ugly. I can picture specific people (you know who you are!) who at just the right moment, when I was about to go off track and do something I would have later regretted, steered me back on the right path with love and gentleness and thankfully, I was open to receive it and take counsel. I call these people my little angels here on Earth but most definitley they have been guardrails for me and God has used them to speak truth and life to me! There are also others who may not have been in my exact situation before, but they were there for me to encourage me, to speak LIFE into me and just say, THIS IS NOT OVER! God is in this...hang on a little longer and HE WILL prosper you and show you a wonderful future despite the ugliness of your situation and circumstances. They spoke hope, love, and promises to me and were stepping on that gas pedal to motivate me, encourage me and be my cheerleader when honestly, I did NOT feel like cheering. They didn't just believe in me, more importantly, they believed in GOD and His word and His promises and would not let me even think about defeat. Praise God for friends like that!!! I can assure you, frienships are of the Lord!
John 15:12-14
12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command.
So, as I've thought about this quote and how true-to-life it is in my own life, I think it needs to be taken a step further. I've shared my heart on what my friendships have meant through this valley before so that's no news to anybody. But, I will share the flip side of that equation. There are always going to be some people (I'm not going to call them friends) in your life that will do whatever it takes to step on the brakes as hard as they can and derail you. They whisper little doubts to you; they say you are crazy; they make fun of you even when you are down and out; they are negative, the glass is half empty type people; they might even take a little pride in the fact that you've been "laid low" and they judge you without even knowing you or your heart. These people can be summed up in one word...poison. They walk with the world so they are in direct opposition to anything you try to do in the spirit. I've learned some sad lessons regarding these people and I've come to the conclusion that sometimes, they just have to be pruned out of your life and they most certainly are not friends. Anyone that knows me knows that I have more compassion for hurting people that are down on their luck than most people...maybe more than I should. I ATTRACT those type people, and I always have...because I have a soft heart for them. BUT, when someone will not accept counsel as a friend, and even goes so far to try to lead me down a path of destruction...I have to put my foot down. I'm not judging them but I'm turning them over to God...and that is Biblical!
Titus 3:10-11
10Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned
I'm the type that never wants to give up in any situation, but God really has worked on me, even recently, to be very cautious of these people that like to "ride the brakes" in my life! I encourage everyone to evaluate your friendships closely...and even evaluate what type of friend YOU are or want to be in your relationships. For me, I would much rather be a guardrail or a gas pedal for my friends, and I hope and pray I am!
Have a blessed weekend!
JOY
Friday, August 6, 2010
I've Got a BRAND New, Old House?!
Some may know, some may not, but about 2 weeks ago, I just really felt God was leading me to stay put and be happy in the house where I currently live. That's not what I originally wanted, nor what I thought God was calling me to do, but God really changed my mind and gave me peace about the possibility. As we all do, I said, well, okay God, I will wait till November and if it hasn't sold, then I will see about staying. I'm laughing now as I think about what happened but basically, a situation presented and I felt God saying now is the time...so I made an offer to buy out and it was accepted. As of today, the house is officially all mine! First United Bank here in Krum (shout out!) did an amazing job handling the whole deal in about 4 hours to make it happen quick and efficiently. They are the best as I was originally told it could take 2 weeks to do the paperwork. But, again, when God wants something to happen, He moves fast! I am at complete peace with staying in my "old" house, and I know it was of God because everything went super smooth and easy (and that is not the case generally in this market).
As a cool side note, I got an unexpected amount of cash within a 3 day period about a month ago that was unexpected and baffling...but I felt God saying hang on to it...and I did, didn't touch a penny. Well, I will have you know that the exact amount of the buyout is the exact amount of that lump sum! Coincidence? I think not! As my brother-in-law said, this is the stuff testimonies are made out of as that can ONLY be from God...and I agree whole heartedley. And a second side note, my neighbors have agreed to buy 2 acres from me so I will only have to upkeep 7 vs 9 acres and that money I'm going to use to redecorate and make it "mine"...can you say zebra, bling, and a chandelier or two?! Who knows! And, there just may be a pool in that backyard by next summer...the possibilities are endless! (Again, they approached me out of the blue...I didn't initiate and that answered an issue of not having to upkeep as much land on my own, which was one of the reasons I wanted to move in the first place). I'm super stoked!!! And the last cool thing, as I was wrestling with all of this (and it didn't come easy and I've cried some tears and wrestled the decision at first before I submitted to whatever God asked me to do)...I was thinking well IF I stayed, I don't want to buy a tractor and upkeep a piece of equipment that big...how would I take care of this place? I just thought it, didn't even pray about it, just a hmm thought. Literally, 2 days later I was walking my trash to the road before riding and one of my neighbors drove by and then turned around and said, "hey, you want me to mow your pastures?" (My mouth had to be hanging open as I said umm, yea!?)...and then went on to say, hey we have a tractor, we never use it, come and borrow it at any time!!! I was speechless...and that never happens! After we visited and I went to ride, I just cried (and I'm tearing up now) thinking how God has just provided over and over for me in this struggle and for sure, He is a God of details! Even something so insignificant as that...He answered a prayer before I could even ask! At that point...I said ok God, that was you and I will stay if you will make it happen! And...He has!
I want to thank each of you for your prayers and I wanted just to share how awesome our God is to each of us every day if we just look and acknowledge it! And one last aside...I had a plumber come do some work last week and completely out of the blue, and I don't know him from Adam, he said "why would you ever sell this place? Its so peaceful and if I was you I would never sell and I would hang on to it"...again, mouth open and speechless! It was almost a direct message from God himself as this guy didn't even know that I was divorced, but I was like, you know, I am at peace here through the grace of God...and I really felt at that moment God was going to keep me there! At that point, I didn't know when or how...but I just knew.
Thanks again for praying and believing in me and our God, even when its sounded crazy...all the glory to God! Now let's celebrate!
Going home tonight to a "new" home,
JOY
PS...Just gotta share this passage to as I've been living it and it's one of my favorites!
Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
7 Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.
As a cool side note, I got an unexpected amount of cash within a 3 day period about a month ago that was unexpected and baffling...but I felt God saying hang on to it...and I did, didn't touch a penny. Well, I will have you know that the exact amount of the buyout is the exact amount of that lump sum! Coincidence? I think not! As my brother-in-law said, this is the stuff testimonies are made out of as that can ONLY be from God...and I agree whole heartedley. And a second side note, my neighbors have agreed to buy 2 acres from me so I will only have to upkeep 7 vs 9 acres and that money I'm going to use to redecorate and make it "mine"...can you say zebra, bling, and a chandelier or two?! Who knows! And, there just may be a pool in that backyard by next summer...the possibilities are endless! (Again, they approached me out of the blue...I didn't initiate and that answered an issue of not having to upkeep as much land on my own, which was one of the reasons I wanted to move in the first place). I'm super stoked!!! And the last cool thing, as I was wrestling with all of this (and it didn't come easy and I've cried some tears and wrestled the decision at first before I submitted to whatever God asked me to do)...I was thinking well IF I stayed, I don't want to buy a tractor and upkeep a piece of equipment that big...how would I take care of this place? I just thought it, didn't even pray about it, just a hmm thought. Literally, 2 days later I was walking my trash to the road before riding and one of my neighbors drove by and then turned around and said, "hey, you want me to mow your pastures?" (My mouth had to be hanging open as I said umm, yea!?)...and then went on to say, hey we have a tractor, we never use it, come and borrow it at any time!!! I was speechless...and that never happens! After we visited and I went to ride, I just cried (and I'm tearing up now) thinking how God has just provided over and over for me in this struggle and for sure, He is a God of details! Even something so insignificant as that...He answered a prayer before I could even ask! At that point...I said ok God, that was you and I will stay if you will make it happen! And...He has!
I want to thank each of you for your prayers and I wanted just to share how awesome our God is to each of us every day if we just look and acknowledge it! And one last aside...I had a plumber come do some work last week and completely out of the blue, and I don't know him from Adam, he said "why would you ever sell this place? Its so peaceful and if I was you I would never sell and I would hang on to it"...again, mouth open and speechless! It was almost a direct message from God himself as this guy didn't even know that I was divorced, but I was like, you know, I am at peace here through the grace of God...and I really felt at that moment God was going to keep me there! At that point, I didn't know when or how...but I just knew.
Thanks again for praying and believing in me and our God, even when its sounded crazy...all the glory to God! Now let's celebrate!
Going home tonight to a "new" home,
JOY
PS...Just gotta share this passage to as I've been living it and it's one of my favorites!
Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
7 Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.
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