This week, the topic of compassion has come up in my life over and over in various forms: discussions with friends and their situations, my Bible study/prayer time, a letter from a friend, and a television show to round it out! The topic has so bombarded my thoughts, I finally have said, "I must write about this!"
It is no secret that I've been through a divorce in the past year and anyone who has walked a mile in the shoes of divorce will tell you it is so easy to become hard hearted towards your spouse. The whole process just naturally drives you towards that end point whether you want that or not. I prayed hard against that, and even through some very hurtful things, I maintained a pretty soft heart towards my husband (I'm far from perfect and some things did get to me but I'm speaking over all). I refused to become bitter or harbor unforgiveness in my life then and now. I just don't operate that way and I refused to let the enemy destroy me in that way. I know that only occurred with God's help because it is not natural to love someone who is hurting you and who has walked away from the marriage. Our flesh wants to harden our hearts, put up walls, and scream "RETREAT" out of self protection mode. But, that's not God's plan or desire for His children. So, when people say to me in amazement "You're doing so well! You're so strong!", I'm very quick to point out that no, I'm actually very weak but my God is VERY strong and it's only by HIS grace that I am where I am today! With all of that being said, I'm now closing in on four months post final divorce. I have seen that the natural tendency as you heal and move forward in your life is to harden your heart towards your spouse over time. It happens without you realizing it or even wanting that because again, you are in survival mode. It becomes harder to pray for that person. You, honestly, wish you could just forget about the whole blasted thing. But, that's not God's heart for marriage or for relationships. When you take that covenant before God, you start the process of ONENESS...and a soul tie occurs between the two of you. A piece of paper from the State of Texas does not sever that soul tie! In my case, I had a 10 year relationship, moving towards oneness every day...so that does not go away easily. I know in time, the pain from the break of that union will be less but there will always be a piece of my husband with me. God never intended for us to divorce so that bond it not easily broken nor forgotten.
With that being said, in the last few weeks, I've realized that my heart has not been as soft towards him as I thought it was originally. I've heard two sermons from my pastor on wisdom in the past two weeks regarding what people go through that are lost and have turned from God and become hard hearted...and both messages have really touched me and stirred my heart with...you guessed it...compassion and empathy for my husband. I left the service this Sunday and just prayed, "What do you want me to do with THIS God?" Because, let's face it...that's frustrating and confusing when you are trying to heal a gaping hole in your heart. It really bothered me to be brutally honest. But, in that moment, you know what picture God gave me? A picture of Jesus and the cross...and I "got it". How do you think God feels when we turn away? When we harden our hearts towards Him? Does He harden His heart out of protection? No, in fact, He loves us all the more and we for sure don't deserve that. He loved us so much that He sent His only son to die for us, while we were still in the midst of our sin. He loves us even though we are so unlovable at times! Now if that's not compassion and love I don't know what is...doesn't mean He is accepting of what we are doing and approves of the sin, just means His love covers all sin. So, with that as my model, I became pretty humbled. It doesn't matter what the other person has or is doing...it's okay to have a soft heart towards them and show compassion because THAT is God's heart for us!
With that bouncing around in my head this week, I stumbled across these verses:
Romans 5:1-5
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Now any Christian going through a trial has read these verses a hundred times (I know I have) but I've always concentrated on the first half. This time, it was the second half that stirred in me as it says that God himself has poured out HIS love into our hearts! If that is what occurs when you submit to Him, how could your heart be hard towards anyone? And then to top it off, today, I was reading Ezekiel and again, these verses talk about the "heart transplant" that God wants to give us:
Ezekiel 36:25-28
25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. 28 You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.
Again, I've prayed the above verses over my husband many times and other prodigals...but this time, I was able to see the correlation from my perspective of having a new heart and a new spirit through this journey and what that has meant in my life. The devotional that went with these verses in my Bible had the following to say:
"Once you have a changed heart, you have a changed life. Your new heart is capable of perfect love. Now you love the unlovable, you are kind to the unkind, and you forgive the unforgiveable because your new heart is GOD'S HEART."
This concept is so un-natural for the world to accept! Anytime I have to tell the five second story of why I'm now divorced, people always look disgusted because hey, it's the same old story we have heard a million times from anyone who has been divorced. But, I generally follow it up with the fact that I honestly feel very sorry for my husband and the path he's going down and it makes me sad for him because I know it is not God's best for him and it's very hard to watch/hear about. The person always look at me with a little shock and a little bit of curiosity because I don't spew out bitterness and hatred towards him. I can see their wheels turning as in, "what's the catch?" There is no catch. It is how I feel because God has given me a heart transplant and the compassion I feel and show is GOD'S compassion and love for His children! By no means do I hit the mark all the time (far from perfect), but that's my model and my goal to have that kind of a heart for the people I do life with and for that heart transplant to be permanent.
Just think how radically different this world could be if we all had that kind of compassion! I know it's radical...but it's also Biblical. Just something to think about...
In Him,
JOY
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