Glimpses of God

For me, often times the Lord will speak through song and shed light on a subject that I may be processing at the time.  I find it interesting that I can hear a song over and over but then one day it can mean something totally different.  That is such a God thing!  I just love Addison Road and her song, "What Do I Know of Holy," has always been a favorite, but I heard it recently and it just took on a whole new meaning to me.  I included a link for your listening pleasure...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6J5TzSE_18

It's a beautiful song, but the part that really got to me is the following:

I guess I thought that I had figured You out

I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about

How You were mighty to save

Those were only empty words on a page

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

That is some powerful stuff right there and I couldn't think of a better way to describe that feeling of reverence and awe for the Lord!  I don't know about you that read this blog, but in my past, I honestly really felt I "got" God...as in I understood Him.  How arrogant was that?  At this point in my walk with God...I realize that I can't even begin to fathom who God really and truly is...my pea-sized brain just can't wrap around it all.  As I struggled and went through trials and even now as His plan for my life is unfolding, I have begun to get a glimpse of Him...and it for sure has dropped me to my knees.  He's so much more than I ever realized...He's indescribable, uncontainable, all powerful, untameable...He is utterly amazing (oops, I just channelled Chris Tomlin for a minute!).  It's made me see that I gave myself way too much credit in the past for having life "all figured out" and for playing God of my only little universe.  What do I know!?!

I think that's why this song cuts me to my core...it reminds me that God is more than I can ever understand or comprehend.  And thank goodness for that!  Would I really want to serve a God I could outsmart/outwit/and outplan?  I think not.  

JOY

 

The More I Know...the More I Am Humbled!

C.S. Lewis wrote the following:

"When a man is getting better, he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him.  When a man is getting worse, he understands his own badness less and less." 

Read that a few times and let it sink in.  If you get it, then you're probably on the path to understanding how sinful of beings we really can be...thank goodness, however, for the infinite grace and mercy of our Heavenly Father! 

In this season of my life, I am being bombarded with second chances, rebirth, redemption and just a fullness and rebirth of life that continues to amaze me, as well as others in my life.  To think of where I was just one short year ago...well, no one can deny God's hand on my life that's for sure.  But, when I read this quote in a book, it really expressed how I feel right now...humbled and very aware of where I have a lot of work yet to do in my life. 

This weekend I had one of those moments...where something so good and joyous is happening...that it literally broke me down and made me cry in reflection.  Opposite response expected, right?  But after the moment, I felt so humbled and unworthy because of the restorative process that I can see God currently doing in my life.  And it's because I understand all too well where I've messed up, missed the mark, controlled things in the past and been outside of God's will for my life that I feel this way...but because God loves me so much, He's given me a second chance despite my past mistakes.  A do over of sorts.  That's grace.  That's mercy.  And I don't feel I deserve it in any form or fashion, but I'm so very thankful for it all the same.  I'm not saying I beat myself up every day over the past...I don't.  But, I still have to live with the consequences of my actions in the past, even though I've repented and been forgiven, it doesn't mean I still wish I hadn't of made some of those choices.  But yet, I see that I'm right where God wants me to be at this very moment.  All of those life experiences have gotten me to this point...and maybe this point is where I was supposed to be all along (I just took a very long route with some detours to get here).  Time will tell...but I constantly pray that I will empty my hands of any control and let God lead me to where He wants me to go. 

I am so very blessed and I know God has poured favor all over my life...again, humbling.  But at the same time, I'm so conscious of the mistakes I've made in the past, that at times, I almost feel paralyzed and afraid to do something because I'm afraid I will do it all wrong.  I think it's because I don't want to screw up and repeat history...subconsciously, I'm very aware of my weaknesses and past mistakes.  So, instead, I feel like doing nothing...that's not of God and that's me giving myself way to much credit that I can do everything right anyways!  When I was having my quiet time this morning, this verse hit home and resonated with me in a new way:

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

It just reminded me that yes, I am weak, I do have flaws (sorry to disappoint you reading this but it's the truth and I am not perfect!), but yet, that's ok!  Those flaws and those weaknesses can be perfected through Christ's transforming work He's doing through and to me...His grace and power are more than enough for me.  Simply stated:  I can't do it on my own...never could.  And I realize another part of this is that I can take no credit for anything going on right now...God wants it to be evident to all that this is all by HIS hand...and not mine.  So that feeling of being "frozen in fear" is for sure not of the Lord...it's the enemy's way of keeping me grounded and preventing me from taking that step of faith and grabbing on to something great that God has in store for me. 

Many things I'm involved in right now are totally, 100% brand new to me...and that's scary, but at the same time exciting.  I think some of the biggest, faith-filled miracles always have to have a little element of fear because let's face it...we ARE human! (case in point:  David and Goliath, Moses and the exodus out of Egypt, Virgin Mary and the birth of Christ...you get the picture).  Despite the fears we may have, the blessings will come from taking the leap of faith as God commands and expecting Him to show up in big ways.  My head knows that...but sometimes when your heart is pounding, it's hard to remember those things!  Once again, just so very thankful and humbled for God's grace and perfect timing...I would be lost without it!

Humbled,

JOY



Redeeming Love

As people share their stories and open their hearts to me, I always have such sympathy for the pain they are going through and it takes me back to the days when I was in their shoes.  I can relate to their pain and I remember those days, yet I no longer cry my eyes out when I think back on my trials.  It happened, and I'm sad it happened...but it doesn't control my emotions anymore.  Quite the opposite in fact.  At the time, there were people in my life who had walked this road ahead of me who were able to mentor and encourage me, so I'm all too humbled to be able to be do the same and encourage others in the midst of their struggles.  As of late, the overwhelming thought that is bouncing around in my head as I discuss trials with different individuals is...redemption.

You see, when you are in a trial of any kind, it's pretty tough to think about next year, much less tomorrow.  You are so wrapped up in your grief, pain, and hurt, that you just can't imagine how life will ever be different.  And that's okay.  You must walk through the pain to learn the lessons and grow in the Lord.  It can't be avoided or short cycled as much as we wish it could!  I remember standing in my driveway watching my ex drive away packed down with all his stuff and being hit in the face with the fact that my marriage is over...and I remember thinking in that moment that life as I knew it would never be the same.  I felt I had my chance and I blew it...game over.  And I remember being very frightened by the unknown.  But you know what?  I was partially right that day.  My life is NOT the same...it's actually better than it was before if you can believe that.  As healing and acceptance occurs, we begin to move out of that pain, and we begin to be changed and transformed and allow God to work in our lives (which He's probably been waiting to do all along).  And that's a wonderful thing.

As I look back on the last year and a half of my life, some days, it almost seems like it happened to someone else.  I mean that because I really don't remember the pain now that I thought would never leave at the time.  I seriously couldn't fathom how I could ever even laugh again.  Sure I still remember what happened, but I don't focus on the hurt or disappointment or the shame in those moments any longer.  It really is a distant memory.  I thought it would take YEARS to feel this way, but it hasn't.  And that's a God thing.  That was a season of my life that was very necessary unfortunately, but it doesn't mean I have to stay in it.  At this point, I see God's hand and redemptive mercy all over my life and that's just an amazing thing.  I sometimes stop and reflect back on to where I was at this point even a year ago...and I cannot believe that life could be this good and full of joy in such a relatively short amount of time.  It's only because of God's redeeming love for me that got me from point A to point B.

Psalm 107:1-3

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story—

those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

those he gathered from the lands,

from east and west, from north and south.

For those of you going through a trial right now, I'm so very sorry.  I've been there and I do understand and I'm not making light of your pain and suffering...but take it from one who has been down the same road...it will get better.  When you are in the middle of the fight, you can't see how life can actually turn out better, but if you trust in the Lord and submit to His will, His word says the pain will be redeemed!  Put your hope and trust in Him and lean not on your own understanding but on His bigger picture plan.  I know that one day, you too will realize that you no longer are wrapped up in the pain and all of a sudden, you realize you are living again.  Second chances and redemption will come...and not a moment too late.

Habakkuk 2:3

For the revelation awaits an appointed time;

it speaks of the end

and will not prove false.

Though it linger, wait for it;

it will certainly come

and will not delay. 

Hoping for the hurting,

JOY

He Never Lets Go!

Divorce.  Affair.  Adultery.  Infidelity.  Addiction.  These are all words that quicken the heart rate and strike a chord of fear in one's life.  It's the news that no one wants to hear, yet every day we all hear the stories and some of us have lived through it.  They are rampant in our world today and it is hard to find a person in this world who hasn't walked through one of these things or experienced it with someone they are close to in their life.  They are destructive, devastating, damaging and simply heart-breaking and cause a tidal wave of grief, hurt, and pain to anyone in their midst and the associated families.  In short...they are a tool of the enemy and they are deadly to the Spirit.

I've always been very careful about what I blog about and I've purposefully avoided some of the above topics.  Let's call it the elephant in the room.  The reason being is I have no desire to be spiteful, revengeful and drag people through the mud, nor do I want to judge anyone else.  But we have an epidemic on our hands if you haven't noticed, and someone needs to be discussing this!  Who better than someone who has walked the path already.  So here we go...

Many of you who read my blog are hurting or you have been referred to my blog by a friend who knows my testimony and journey.  I can relate to your pain as one who has been there and lived it and believe me, I have sympathy like you cannot imagine for your circumstance.  Many of you are being dragged through a divorce RIGHT NOW that you don't want.  Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.  Others are pondering and leaning towards divorce, or having an extramarital affair and playing the "what if" game.  Some may be married, but are unhappy because their life has not turned out as they planned.  Maybe you are thinking about throwing in the towel on your marriage in this moment because it's just too hard and let's face it, you feel you deserve more than what you are currently getting in your relationship.  You've got more reasons that Carter has pills to why you simply just want out, and in your mind those reasons sound dang good right about now and you've convinced yourself you are justified.  I've heard them all before...many in my own life and personal experiences.  But the one thing you are discounting...and let's face it, the only thing that really matters...is that we serve an awesome God who is still in the miracle working business and He is able to make the impossible very possible.  And no, I don't know how He does it...He just does!  So I write and share this blog today to encourage those who are hurting; to give hope to the hopeless; and to speak truth to those who are maybe in denial about the slippery slope they are heading down. 

I've personally lived through exposing an affair and adultery in my own marriage, that as a result, caused the collapse of my marriage and lead to me being divorced and my ex marrying the other woman very shortly after.  I've lived through the hell, the shame, the disgrace and the pain that divorce and adultery can bring to one's life and to their family and friends and I don't wish THAT scenario on my worst enemy.  It's sickening, gut wrenching and really unable to be described.  However, I've also lived through the redemptive power that only Christ can bring to one's life and I've personally seen a miracle unfold in my life, not of my power and strength, but of the Lord's.  Let me say clearly, that I played a part as well in the collapse of my marriage because I lived with God in the margins of my life instead of allowing Him to be at the head of my marriage as He should have been.  I take responsibility for that as the wife and I'm not trying to play the victim here or the blame game.  But I did go through hell, and believe me, God never let go, even in my darkest hour when I wanted to give up because I just couldn't see how this could turn out in any way, shape or form positively.  Some days, I look back now and I can't even remember the person I once was...she no longer exists honestly.  There is a new creation in her place that only God can get the credit and the glory for creating and transforming, but she's still a work in progress.  Despite my cries and pleading to God, my own marriage was not reconciled.  And to be honest, God specifically told me during the process that the marriage would end.  That was difficult to accept then, but I now am beginning to see why.  God has plans for me and a calling on my life, some of which is unfolding now, and in the situation I was in before, those plans simply could not happen.  I don't know why God restores some marriages and not others because quite simply, I am not God (not even close).  But, for me, I see what a broken and contrite spirit did in my own life and how what I went through was a vehicle for refining and transformation my life.  I've lived before with God in the margins and let me attest, it is no way to live.  I'm now seeing true beauty from the ashes; repayment and restoration of what the locusts ate and devoured in my life; a double portion; rebirth, transformation and second chances that are so sweet and fill me with such joy and strength that I never thought possible just a short year ago.  I pray every day that I never go back to where I've been in the past.  I've truly experienced more than I could ask or imagine or even deserve when I was in my darkest hours.  Life is just better than it has ever been even though it has turned out not at ALL the way I thought or planned!

I share my heart with you that read my blog today for one simple reason: to plead with you to stop what you are doing, click on the link below and watch the video with an open heart and mind of the testimony shared by this sweet and very courageous couple.  Watch and see proof on the screen of what God can and will do with a broken and contrite spirit despite how we screw up with our poor decisions making.  It is powerful and not for the faint of heart...and you might want to grab a tissue because it is emotional.  I've walked the same road as this couple with totally different outcomes as far as my marriage was concerned, but the exact same outcome for the transformation God did in my life and in my heart.  No matter what the outcome may be in your own life and situation, believe that God is faithful in what He promises and put your trust not in yourself or someone else, but into God.  He's the only one that will never, ever, let you down.

http://www.tobyslough.com/god-on-the-margins/


Keep the faith,

JOY