A few months ago, I wrote about my upcoming "assignment solitude" retreat, which just turned out to be on the one year anniversary of my marriage literally being over, now that I look back on things. Funny how God's timing is just like that...and after last week, I knew the specific weekend that I picked had been divinely planned. Anyways, I went out on my own little sabbatical this past weekend seeking solitude and God's presence. As life will have it, Friday was just an insane day for me and part of me just wanted to stay home and not go anywhere. I'm so glad I fought against that and I sought out on my own little soul searching weekend.
In two full days of quiet, solitude, being along with God in His creation, not seeing or talking to another person and just basically becoming very quiet, I can tell you that I felt God's presence like never before for that long of a time frame. I took some very big decisions with me on the drive up, and I had very real clarity and answers on the drive home. God gave me a specific course, not necessarily a timeline, but I have a step wise plan. He kept sending me back to His Word to back it up...so it wasn't a fluke. Even I could read it there in black and white. I see there are some very big mountains that will need to be moved for everything to line up, but I know that God will moving them...He already has started the process. I could write for days upon days about all the revelations I received and the healing that occurred, but I don't think words could do it justice. Words truly can't describe the experience so I'm not going to even try. But, I will say that God impressed upon me in big ways that the life I have right now is good and no one can deny that, not even me...but the one He is calling me to will be better and truly His best for my life. I'm going to have to let go of something good to get something better in other words. That's so exciting but there is some fear in there, too. I'm going to have to take some giant leaps of faith and get out of my comfort zone...but that's what I call being stretched by God and that's where true growth occurs. That's my heart's desire...to grow closer to the Lord every day and just be a servant for what He calls me to do...but it doesn't mean it is an easy process.
This weekend, I looked back over the last year of pain and trials and I just see God's hand all over it. There were some terrible things I had to walk through and uncover, but I'm glad I did because there was light shed on some areas of darkness in my life that needed to be brought to light. I would not want to be living the lie I was then. No way, no how. Because of where I'm standing now, and the changes in my life, I embrace the past year and the pain. It's made me who I am, and I don't have to be ashamed of that! My life today is fuller, richer, and more complete that it has ever been because of my walk with God. Sure, there are things I miss, but I know God knows the desires of my heart and He will bring everything full circle in His timing. I'm still a work in progress, and I always will be, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm right where God wants me to be and that's a very good feeling.
As I went to turn my key in on Sunday afternoon, I met the owner of the ranch where I was staying...I had a brief conversation with her when I booked the room a few months back, and other than knowing I was single, she didn't know much about me at all. When I handed her my key, she gave me a big hug and said "I want you to know that I've been praying for you all weekend as I looked in the direction of your cabin and I asked God to show you what you came here to figure out." To say my jaw dropped, would be a gross understatement. I was floored and I teared up and told her that for sure, He did speak to me and I appreciated her prayers more than she would ever know. As I got in my truck and drove out of there, I was just so humbled that God continues to put folks in my life, some I don't even know, who have interceded on my behalf and been so faithful to me and to God. So, for all of you who have prayed for me, some that I know and some that I don't know, I want you to know that I have felt your prayers and I just feel so blessed that each of you have been there doing battle behind the scenes for me. And I want you to know that because of that and God's infinite grace and mercy, I'm gonna be all right...the best is yet to come!
JOY
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