For a few days now, I've been in a battle between my spiritual side and my worldly side and let me just say, it hasn't been much fun. But, it has driven me to my knees as I've cried out to God for answers. I've had to continue to refocus my eyes heavenward, but the truth is it has been an exhausting time. My mind knows the truths but it's been a tough sell getting them down into my heart!
As I told a friend, I've felt like I needed to sit down and have myself a good cry. The tears were right at the surface, but they just wouldn't come, even with the pent up emotions behind them. However, when I awoke today, I had a fresh outlook and the mind set that I should be counting my blessings, as they are so numerous. During my quiet time, I was just thanking God for what I DO have and out of no where, I just started praying, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours"....over and over and over again. And in the midst of those words, my heart truly did start breaking and the tears finally began to fall. It was one of those "presence of the Lord" moments. In an instant, I saw things through God's eyes. I realized that what I'm praying for, what I'm wrestling with and and tied up in knots over is NOT a thing that would break God's heart, so why is it breaking mine? Sure, they are desires of my heart and sure, I know they are important to God BUT they are wants and not needs. And on top of that, I know God has promised these things to me and they will happen, but in His timing, in His ways, and not necessarily in my ways. This is where the rubber meets the road and where true faith and trust comes in...when times get tough, am I going to believe and stay the course, or am I going to throw the towel in?
Instantaneously, I was humbled and I had a huge perspective shift. I had to repent of being so selfish and self-involved. I live a charmed life and I know it. God has provided for me in ways that I sure don't deserve. I know people RIGHT NOW who are waiting and believing in God's promises to restore a marriage, even though their husband has left, divorced them and is even engaged to someone else. But, He's spoken loud and clear. We know He's not a liar and He will bring His promises forth in the perfect time. Now THAT'S heart breaking to live through and THAT'S a trial and a test of the faith on a daily basis. I've had the ability in the past to serve those and live amongst those who have no food, who go to bed hungry EVERY NIGHT, who have no bed to lay down on to rest, not even a home for that matter, no running water and certainly no electricity to survive in the heat of the summer...yet they have smiles on their faces and a song in their heart. Last time I checked, I live in a wonderful house, I've NEVER gone to bed hungry nor do any of my friends, I sleep pretty darn well on a sealy posture pedic pillow top matress every night, in a home with hot and cold running water I can use anytime I want, and electricity and air conditioning to keep me cool in the 100 degree temps. I'm considered Richey Rich by pretty much the rest of the world's standards, many who live on a mere $2 a day. Those who are hungry, who have no chance of a future and no one to care about them and help them...THAT breaks God's heart. I also know families who are walking through the pain of a loved one dying of cancer and losing their hard fought battle, as well as those who have already lost a beloved husband, father, mother, or a close loved one. THAT'S heart breaking. These are the things that break God's heart and they should break mine.
One of my favorite songs has always been Hosana, because of that one line I prayed today is in that song. I always, always, ALWAYS cry when I sing/hear that part (I'm so predictable!)...now, I know it will mean even more to me.
I'm sorry to go all Sally Struther's on you today, but it's the revelation I've been given. Count your blessings...they far outweigh the struggles. Praise God for what you DO have and be thankful. If you need a healthy dose of perspective, pray the prayer, "break my heart for what breaks yours" and see your eyes opened to the heart of God.
Thankful today for a broken heart and a loving Father,
JOY
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