I know, I know...I haven't blogged in over a week...since May...YIKES! Have I given it up? Did I fall off the face of the Earth? Nah...just been super, duper busy these past few weeks. Time is flying by and I'm just trying to keep up!
Since I've returned from Haiti, I have had a lot of people ask me my "deep thoughts" on Haiti and why do I think I was called to go. I've really had to process through it all and I've come to one conclusion...God knew I was going to go through some hard things in the month of May and I feel He used the Haiti trip for me to prepare me and to re-inforce that I need to lean on HIM to get me through hard times. In Haiti, you must dig deep to get through each day. There is nothing easy there and every thing is a process. You can't just sail through a day without doing some soul searching. I think for me, that was a big lesson...when times get tough, lean on the Lord even harder.
So, as of May 28th, the state of Texas says I'm officially divorced. As much as I dreaded that day and did NOT want it to come, I was at peace with it when I got the news. I still say God will have the last word here and I just keep praying His will be done, not mine. I still believe and have faith in His restoring power and the miracle of reconciliation but I did all HE asked me to do, I fought the good fight, and I simply gave the battle to the Lord...but for right now, it wasn't His will for the marriage to be saved and there is a reason for that. I do believe in light of some recent events, that I'm being protected and this is not a punishment.
There are so many of you that have been on your knees praying for me, for Brad and for our marriage...and many of you were very discouraged that the miracle didn't happen. I think it is often harder for the ones on the outskirts of the situation because they aren't directly hearing the Lord's words about the situation. So, don't be discouraged...be encouraged! God's plan is bigger and better and it will be revealed in time! I believe with all of my heart Jeremiah 29:11-13...For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will lister to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
In the past month, I have really been praying for God to show me how to turn this loss into contribution for the Kingdom. In one week, I was asked to give not one, not two, but THREE talks...two about my Haiti trip and one for a women's conference to share my testimony. These offers all came during a tough and trying week...and I do believe that this is step one of how I can turn my hurt, pain, and trials into a positive thing. I hope that my story can help others and I do believe that this is part of the plans the Lord has for me specifically. A little scary but very exciting and promising all at the same time!
Any one that knows me knows that I won't play the victim role...it is not in me. Sure, I feel hurt and pain like everyone else and I have bad days, but I refuse to stay in that hurt/pain. I made a conscious decision that I would not be beaten by this and I won't harbor resentment or be the "bitter ex-wife". Life has thrown me a bunch of lemons, but I'm learning how to turn it all into lemon aide! So, I'm excited for what the future will bring. Was this the path I would have chosen for my life? Certainly not...and I don't advocate divorce, nor do I believe in it. But, we live in a fallen world and things do happen. I have seen first hand though how God turns each one of these horrible things in to something good for His glory...and that is just so cool and amazes me every time!
Thanks for the love and support and prayers---keep them coming as I open a new book and start a new chapter in my life. My story is certainly not over...in many ways, it is just beginning!
Popcorn ready...!
Joy
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