I can't believe I haven't written a post in two weeks! That just shows that I, like the rest of the world, have been extremely busy just due to the time of the year. It is so easy to get overbooked during the holidays without even trying. The first two weeks of this month were craziness for me with vacationing in New York right after getting back from Thanksgiving break. I think I met myself coming and going!
I've been doing a 25 day Christmas study/devotion this month and I have really enjoyed digging into the Word and learning more in depth about the promises and back story to the birth of Christ. As a Christian, this time of the year is so special because it is a time to remember the birth of our Savior. It truly is the reason for and behind the season and to me, it is heart breaking that many people miss that important fact. Don't get me wrong, I love every part of Christmas from santa, to frosty, to gifts, to decorating the tree, to cooking and more importantly eating, to looking at Christmas lights and singing carols and of course most importantly, being with family...but to me, that's just the fluff and icing of Christmas. The real substance of the holiday is the birth of Christ.
This time of the year is just a pressure cooker of a season and more people are depressed and lonely during the holidays than any other time of the year. It is so easy to focus on what you don't have, how little money you have, what gifts you didn't get, how you wish your Christmas lights were better than your neighbors...whatever...but don't let the world steal the joy of the season! Last year, I was given the most precious of gifts in the most unfashionable way that completely transformed Christmas to me forever more and I would like to share a little of that story here today.
Due to having a spouse walk out of my life right before Thanksgiving last year, it meant that I had to make it through the holiday trifecta of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years alone. For a person who was already depressed and whose world had just fallen apart, that is about as low of a blow as you can receive! Add to that I found out he had filed for divorce and I got served papers TWICE the week before the holiday and I was pretty darn low as one can imagine. Due to how we had already arranged our "holiday schedule" months before with families, it mean that I would actually spend Christmas day at home, now alone, after celebrating with my family the week before Christmas. Now, don't go feeling too sorry for me as I had PLENTY of friends and family inviting me to do things with them and most offers, I politely declined because let's face it, I was pretty much a party destroyer with my emotional state of mind and I was okay with my Christmas being depressing, but I didn't want to ruin anyone elses. I went to church on Christmas Eve after spending some time with a dear friend's family that took me in...and then the snow began to set in (in fact I barely made it home as the roads were so bad that night). It was actually the beginnings of a White Christmas, which was beautiful and wonderful and NEVER happens in Texas, but it also meant that any plans I had for Christmas day were now squaushed because the roads were pretty treacherous in our area. I was isolated. I got home Christmas Eve night and I did what I did best at that point in my life...I sat there and I cried and I prayed...a lot. Alone with my thoughts. Quiet. I thought about all the people surrounded by their families, their husbands, their loved ones at that moment and I took a long hard look around me and in that moment...I was ashamed and I felt like a failure. You see, everything I had worked so hard for as in a career, a business, a marriage, and "stuff" that had been acquired (emphasis on I)...didn't really mean much in that moment. Let's just say I needed a priority shift in my life. I know now that God isolated me in that season of my life for a reason...to teach me some valuable lessons...and I don't mean that in a vengeful, punishing way...I mean that in a loving, caring, fatherly way.
The next morning, I woke up to a beautiful white Christmas. I was determined to make the most of the day and not be depressed as I had been the night before. There is nothing like a snow covered morning to make you realize that every day is a do-over and the slate has been wiped clean. That was a gift and I knew it was just for me. I then sat with my coffee and opened my Bible and I read the Christmas story and the words leapt off the page. Although I had read and heard the story umpteen times, it was like this time was the very first time. I meditated on the fact that God would bring such a gift to the world, His very own son, knowing the end result...as in 33 years later, Jesus would die a horrible death on a cross that He most certainly did not deserve and that His last words would be "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me". What a gift, what a sacrifice and what a plan for our salvation. I began to just get a glimpse of the love that God had for me, for each of us, to give that kind of a gift to the world in order to save our eternity and to cover over our sins, our failures, and our missteps. The birth of Christ is a gift that not a one of us deserved, but because of our Father's love for us, He set His plan into motion. It is about second chances, hope, and love DESPITE our failures. There is nothing I could do to deserve that valuable of a gift, but in that moment of reflection, I "got it" and I began to see there would be a light at the end of the tunnel for me, there was something to hope for and there was most certainly a master plan in motion. Not to say the next year wasn't without its ups and downs but in that moment, I received the gift of hope and love. In short, after all these years, I was able to process on a deeper level what Christmas truly meant to me. That revelation was a gift and a precious time that I will never forget and it has become a defining moment in my life. Again, what the enemy meant to harm me, depress me and to be my undoing...God used for His purposes as He began to show me He was in control of my life and that ultimately brought me peace and joy.
So, this Christmas, be sure and take the time to think about what this season means and don't get lost in the stress and the hustle and the bustle that the world brings with this season. Take the time to reflect, to meditate, to be humbled on the price that gift ultimately cost and I guarantee you the rest of the "stresses" of the holiday will fade away, and you, too, will celebrate Christmas with a grateful and humble heart.
He is the Reason!
Joy
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Finding Yourself in the Most Unlikely of Places
I turned 35 years young about two weeks ago and since then, I've really been thinking a lot about what I've learned and how I've changed in the past ten years. I'm beginning to see that the person I wanted to be and thought I was...I really never was at all. Personally, I think we spend a lot of our 20's trying to prove ourselves, establish a career, obtain riches, and just show the world that we have made it and we are successful. In short, we all want to say we are living the American dream...a big house, great job, loving spouse, 2 cars in the garage, and 2.2 kids if you look at the stats (I guess some of us have to throw that curve off!). But after we obtain that "dream"...plus all the other stuff that goes along with it...I think most of us realize it was just an illusion all along and we got lied to by the world as to what brings true happiness. In our 30's, we begin to see that money really doesn't buy happiness (or class if we want to be more specific!). A job and a nice income is wonderful and you have to put food on the table somehow but it doesn't fulfill you the way you thought it would when you were broke as a joke in college living on Ramen and hamburger helper! The more we make...the more we spend generally (now that's the American way for sure) and we really never get anywhere. We begin to realize in our 30's that family and friends can't be replaced by a J-O-B...if there isn't enough time for the people in our lives, then what are we working so hard for?
Nothing causes self discovery like going through some sort of tragedy, and going through a divorce has been that vehicle for me. I've had to take a hard look at myself, and at times, I've not liked what I've found. Only by the grace of God and His infinite mercy have I been able to really change, be refined, and reshaped into a person that I'm liking a whole lot better. I'm about the least perfect person out there, so don't take this as I think I'm perfect...but I'm a good work in progress! While I've been on this path, I started questioning myself about who I really am...not who I want to be, but what is my identity in Christ. There is a big difference if you think about it. So, a lot of self discovery has gone on and through that, I've found me again. I've talked before about "gettin' back to my roots" and that process has continued as I've simplified and quieted my life. I spoke, as well, yesterday about what I'm thankful for and in a way, this ties in to that topic. I'm thankful for just figuring out, at 35, who I really am at my core and what I LIKE...and that's not based on anyone else's opinion of me, such as a parent, a spouse, a sister/brother, employee, friend, or boss...just me plain and simple. I'm in to lists this month so here we go on a few things I realize I really do love...
Music affects me very deeply, as I know it does a lot of people, but one of the songs I relate with right now is sung by my Lindale homegirl, Miranda Lambert, called "The House that Built Me"...I mean it is a great song whether you are a fan of hers or not. I put a link to the video below for you to listen to if you are so inclined. Part of the lyrics say "Out here it's like I'm someone else...I thought maybe I could find myself...You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can...I got lost in this ole world and forgot who I am..." Every time I hear that part, it is hard for me not to tear up because I see that I really did get lost in this big ole world trying to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I was doing the best I could, but let's face it, our best is just never enough. God's best for our lives is the mark we should be shooting for. I missed that then and I see that God's plan for our lives really isn't that complex, in fact it is pretty simple. We are the ones that muddy the waters and make it hard. So for 2011, I'm embracing my roots, and the joy and "newness" I've found in this life with God's help and I'm looking forward to just being me.
Joy
http://www.cmt.com/videos/miranda-lambert/500805/the-house-that-built-me.jhtml
Nothing causes self discovery like going through some sort of tragedy, and going through a divorce has been that vehicle for me. I've had to take a hard look at myself, and at times, I've not liked what I've found. Only by the grace of God and His infinite mercy have I been able to really change, be refined, and reshaped into a person that I'm liking a whole lot better. I'm about the least perfect person out there, so don't take this as I think I'm perfect...but I'm a good work in progress! While I've been on this path, I started questioning myself about who I really am...not who I want to be, but what is my identity in Christ. There is a big difference if you think about it. So, a lot of self discovery has gone on and through that, I've found me again. I've talked before about "gettin' back to my roots" and that process has continued as I've simplified and quieted my life. I spoke, as well, yesterday about what I'm thankful for and in a way, this ties in to that topic. I'm thankful for just figuring out, at 35, who I really am at my core and what I LIKE...and that's not based on anyone else's opinion of me, such as a parent, a spouse, a sister/brother, employee, friend, or boss...just me plain and simple. I'm in to lists this month so here we go on a few things I realize I really do love...
- Big Texas-sized truck: I had never had a car until about 2 years ago and I drove a BMW that was a sweet ride during that time period. The car was fun, I'm not going to lie, and I may have another one some day BUT I'm back in a truck again for practical reasons and I love it. It's not new, in fact it's old and has a lot of miles on it, but there's something to be said about the respect you get, particularly as a woman, driving a dually...I mean people treat you with respect that you definitely don't get driving a fancy car! Instead of trying to run you off the road, they get out of the way!
- Texas in general: For the longest time, I wanted to get out of Texas. I was tired of people talking about my accent, I was tired of being labelled a Texan when I traveled (let me say everyone knows Texas around the world due to GW Bush and the TV show Dallas...we have to take after one or the other in their eyes!), I was tired of being a North Texas snob (sorry that's my name for us up here in DFW) and to be honest, I was just tired of the dang hot summers. And, I had never lived outside of Texas so I just didn't want to be "that person" who lived and died in the same area code, like that was a dishonorable thing of sorts. But something changed in the last few years...I began to be proud of where I lived, I began to realize that "getting away" was just an environmental change because I wasn't happy with my self or my situation and a new zip code wasn't going to fix that problem...and I also began to realize Texas is home. In the last year, I've fallen in love with East Texas, where I was born and raised, all over again. I'm sorry, but this area of North Texas is just not pretty. You won't convince me of it no matter how hard you try. Sure I'm ruffling some feathers here, but it's my blog and my opinion! I really like my house and where I live, BUT do you know there are four little stinkin' trees on nearly ten acres? I feel like I live in the plains...I love the beauty of the East Texas pines, even if they do make me sneeze sometimes. I love to see the leaves change as you drive through the country in the fall. I love to see all the rolling pastures in the summer with the green coastal waving in the breeze. I love to talk to people whose accent is more severe than mine. I love those good ole East Texas sayings that no one up here ever seems to get (come stay awhile in East Texas and you will see that I didn't make this stuff up...I'm not that original!). I love the people who are just good, salt-of-the-earth, God fearin' folks. It's home and I have a connection there that runs deep.
- My Horses: There was a period, early in my divorce, that I honestly didn't know if I would ever ride again. Those horses sitting in the barn got a lot of false blame put on them and I was resentful of that and they had become a burden to me. But in time, I have to say, going out and throwing a leg over a horse is about the best therapy in the world. And taking care of something other than yourself is good for the soul as well. There have been times as I've ridden at night or in the quiet of the evening that I have heard God the clearest and you can't put a price tag on that. If you aren't a horse person, you don't get it and I won't try to explain it. Barrel racing and horses are a hobby now, they aren't my job, and I may never win a world championship, but it's not about the winning anymore (but I really do like to win...!) but it's about being a part of the game. "Horse people" just get one another and there is a connection there and a bond that's pretty cool. We've got the "fever" running through our veins and we just can't explain that to the city folk!
- Country sunrises, sunsets, and starry nights: For awhile, I thought I was going to move from Ponder. But, God worked some things out and I got to stay. And you know, in six years I have lived on that property, I never once realized the wonders of God's world that surrounds me there. I mean, I've traveled around the world in search of beauty and relics and history...and then I realize I've been sitting on a gold mine all this time! I love to watch the sun rise off my back porch as I do my quiet time and it amazes me how every day, every season, that view is different. No two days are alike. And there are some clear nights where every star in the sky is visible and I just sit outside and take it all in...God's magesty and canvas right there in Ponder, Tx. How did I miss it before? Simple...I was too busy and I wasn't looking.
- Small Groups: If you know me, you know I've never met a stranger. But, I've learned that I really enjoy smaller groups of people or even one-on-one because I can really get to know someone and talk their heads off vs being pulled in ten different directions and not being able to focus on one person at a time. I so enjoy going for coffee with a friend and just chatting for hours and catching up. I like that connection, that undivided attention, and you just can't get that in a big room full of people.
- Being a Vet: I really like what I do, plain and simple. I wake up and I look forward to it all. I know God called me to this profession and I love the challenges each day brings. It is never the same day-to-day and I feel very blessed to be in this profession. I love owning my own business and I'm not ashamed of being a strong, independent woman.
Music affects me very deeply, as I know it does a lot of people, but one of the songs I relate with right now is sung by my Lindale homegirl, Miranda Lambert, called "The House that Built Me"...I mean it is a great song whether you are a fan of hers or not. I put a link to the video below for you to listen to if you are so inclined. Part of the lyrics say "Out here it's like I'm someone else...I thought maybe I could find myself...You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can...I got lost in this ole world and forgot who I am..." Every time I hear that part, it is hard for me not to tear up because I see that I really did get lost in this big ole world trying to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I was doing the best I could, but let's face it, our best is just never enough. God's best for our lives is the mark we should be shooting for. I missed that then and I see that God's plan for our lives really isn't that complex, in fact it is pretty simple. We are the ones that muddy the waters and make it hard. So for 2011, I'm embracing my roots, and the joy and "newness" I've found in this life with God's help and I'm looking forward to just being me.
Joy
http://www.cmt.com/videos/miranda-lambert/500805/the-house-that-built-me.jhtml
Monday, November 29, 2010
November Wrap Up and Thanksgiving Blessings!
Where has the time gone? November is over after tomorrow and I've barely began to process all that has happened in this month! This time of the year flies by so fast and it is easy to just put life on "cruise control" and hang on for the ride. However, I want to take this moment to reflect back on what I'm thankful for and the blessings I've received in the past year. I hope each of you will take the time to quiet your mind and do the same and not get too caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays.
A heart full of thanks,
JOY
- Family: Those closest to you are the easiest to take for granted it seems, but I'm grateful for a family that rallied around me, supported me, loved on me and accepted me even when I was at my lowest and just couldn't see the forrest for the trees. A family who never said I was crazy for believing in a miracle or never disputed the words God spoke to me, even if it did seem pretty nuts at times. The same family who believed in me and believed in God and His plan for my life...they let me fall and get scraped up and learn the lessons I needed to learn but did not try to enable me, coddle me, or rescue me...but at the same time they were there, rock solid, at all times and I knew that. To the father who drove nearly 150 miles, one way, taking off of work to sit with me in an attorney's office and try to help her make heads or tails of my emotional crisis and breakdown and collapse of my life and the fear and shock I was dealing with in a 1 1/2 hour meeting and then turned around and drove straight home; To the mother who drove 300+ miles at 5am from my sister's house to be with me and help me walk through the shock of a spouse walking out suddenly and who spent a few holidays with me, alone; To the sister who literally talked me off the cliff more than once when I just wanted to quit, give up, throw in the towel because the pain was just unbearable and who was my trusted confidant and sounding board at so many turns in the road; To the brother-in-law who gave me sound, business and financial advice and helped me negotiate in some tricky waters and was the voice of reason and practicality I needed to hear many times (and gave me clothing advice so I didn't look like a grandma! LOL)...to these people a thank you isn't enough. I could write forever on things they did, breaking their backs for me, but instead I will just say...I love you.
- Friends: I've written on this subject many times but let me just say, you separate the sheep from the goats as far as friends when you go through any type of struggle. What doesn't break you makes you stronger and that goes for friendships as well. I won't mention names but you know who you are...to those who took late night calls and went without sleep just to be a lifeline to me; to those who slapped on gloves and went to work CSI fashion in my home late at night (now that's a real friend let me just say); to those who took me out or had me over to their house and made me eat or bought me meals when I was too depressed to pick up a fork; to those who saved me a seat in church and put the word out so I wouldn't feel embarrassed being alone; to those who gave up their own precious family time to be with me; to those who prayed, who believed, who loved on me and encouraged me; to those who helped me when I was at different cross roads and who helped me walk in the spirit and not the flesh; to those who pulled me aside and constantly reaffirmed that our God is bigger than any struggle/pain/thorn in the side; to those who wrote my cards, emails and shared their story of heart ache to joy; to those who slept on my couch so I wouldn't have to be alone; to those who celebrated every victory, no matter how small; to those who just came by to give me a hug...to all you I say thank you and my life is richer and fuller because of each of you. When you walk through fire with someone, a bond is formed that is not easily broken! I cherish each one of you and I thank you for your prayers, for your encouragement and for accepting me just where I'm at at all times. Thank you.
- Church Family: I've heard some nightmare stories from women and men that have walked through the pains of a divorce, which is horrible enough, and then to find out that people in their own church family scorned them or turned up their noses at them. How horrible, how devastating...and how un-Christ like. I have to say that not ONE person at my church ever made me feel anything but loved and accepted, even when I was feeling pretty unlovable. If they felt otherwise, I sure didn't hear it or pick up on it. I'm so totally blessed to be a part of a church family that accepted me, wrapped their arms around me and spoke powerful words over me that God was most certainly in control of my life and He would use this pain for His glory one day. They believed not just in me, but the power of our Heavenly Father and His providence and His plan for each of our lives. They would not accept defeat, nor allow me to do so, and they just simply believed. I can't tell you how huge that is to have someone stand in agreement with you! And not only did they believe in me and pray for me...they prayed for Brad and they still do to this day, even though they have had no contact with him for over a year. I hope he realizes one day the love that his church showed to him, even when he didn't want it nor ask for, and I hope one day those prayers are integral in bringing him back to a relationship with his Father.
- Krum Vet Peeps: I just want to say that if our government needs any national secrets kept, my employees are up for the job because they are like Fort Knox...ain't no info coming out of their mouths! I look back and am just amazed at how they rallied behind me, not knowing one detail, but supported me and did not gossip or speculate. Just kept their heads down, and worked unbelievably hard and took as much pressure off me as they possibly could. I am blessed to have each of them in my life. I know there were days that I could NOT have been much fun to work with (heck I didn't even want to be with me!), but they took it in stride and protected me from the outside world. They have no idea that some days, that all that kept me going was getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of another because I couldn't let them or my clients down. Thank you guys for your loyalty and hard work and dedication. You make my job that much better!
- Krum Vet Clients: I tell you, I have the best clients in the world. Many had no clue what I was going through, just knew I was a bit "off" and not my bubbly self. They didn't push, they didn't pry, but they were there and supportive and didn't leave in droves to go to another vet! They were and are loyal and again, gave me something to focus on each day. They were okay if I wasn't up to being chatty and they didn't get a chip on their shoulder. If anything, they became more fierce in their loyalty to me! It's not something I felt comfortable discussing, and I try to keep my private life out of my work anyways...but we are in a small town. Word gets around (and some of what I heard was REALLY juicy but not true!) whether you want it to or not. Thanks for respecting my privacy and for continuing to stay devoted to my vision here at KVH.
- My neighbors: Small town people are just the best, can I get a witness?! To the neighbors who came over and did manual labor at my place, mowed my pastures, came out in the freezing temperatures to help me when my pipes busted and I had no water, had me over for dinner and prayer and laughter, and those who just kept a watchful eye on things when I couldn't be home...I really appreciate your support and help. Being a single woman in the country can be tough, especially when it's the one year we get snowed in not once but TWICE! But, my place looks better than ever and as they say...it takes a village!
- My life: I don't know how to better say it but I just am so thankful for my life and right where I'm at this very second. I love my life plain and simple. I love having horses to ride and time to get away with my thoughts; I love the beautiful sunrises that I get to see every day off my back porch that I somehow missed before; I love my pets that give me constant entertainment (and some days frustration but not too many days!); I love the stillness and quietness of where I live; I love my home that I've made into my very own; I love the fact that I've gotten back to my roots and rediscovered who I truly am, what I truly like to do, and can just be me again; I love to sit outside and just look at the open sky and reflect on what God is doing...I just love where I'm at mentally, physically and spiritually. I don't know how else to say it...but life is good! People often say "we just want you to be happy"...well happiness doesn't come from me or from you...it comes from above and I'm glad to say I AM HAPPY, but only because of HIM!
- My Heavenly Father: I saved the best for last...I'm just so thankful for a God that has loved me my whole life, who has waited patiently for me to come to Him with a fully submitted and devoted heart and spirit, and who has held my hand and even carried me every step of this journey. I am so unworthy, I truly am. I will never be able to 100% grasp the depth of His love for me, but I have just learned to accept it, embrace it and cherish it. I learned He is all I really ever needed...and He had been there the whole time! He has stretched me, changed me, refined me, sifted me and grown me in the past year and let me just say, it hurt...alot...but it has all been worth it. I don't understand it all but I can already see His plan unfolding, just a tiny glimmer of it, and it's just so cool. I'm so blessed to have a relationship with Him and I honestly don't know what I would have done without Him being the guiding force in my life. The best thing I ever did was get on my knees so totally broken and give in to His plan for my life. To let go, submit, give Him control and just admit not only do I not have it all figured out...I've made a complete mess of things and I give up trying to do it on my own...that journey has been so rewarding. Thank you Lord for using me and showing me YOU have a plan...it's all for YOUR GLORY!
A heart full of thanks,
JOY
Monday, November 15, 2010
Seek His Presence...and He will be found!
A few months ago, I wrote about my upcoming "assignment solitude" retreat, which just turned out to be on the one year anniversary of my marriage literally being over, now that I look back on things. Funny how God's timing is just like that...and after last week, I knew the specific weekend that I picked had been divinely planned. Anyways, I went out on my own little sabbatical this past weekend seeking solitude and God's presence. As life will have it, Friday was just an insane day for me and part of me just wanted to stay home and not go anywhere. I'm so glad I fought against that and I sought out on my own little soul searching weekend.
In two full days of quiet, solitude, being along with God in His creation, not seeing or talking to another person and just basically becoming very quiet, I can tell you that I felt God's presence like never before for that long of a time frame. I took some very big decisions with me on the drive up, and I had very real clarity and answers on the drive home. God gave me a specific course, not necessarily a timeline, but I have a step wise plan. He kept sending me back to His Word to back it up...so it wasn't a fluke. Even I could read it there in black and white. I see there are some very big mountains that will need to be moved for everything to line up, but I know that God will moving them...He already has started the process. I could write for days upon days about all the revelations I received and the healing that occurred, but I don't think words could do it justice. Words truly can't describe the experience so I'm not going to even try. But, I will say that God impressed upon me in big ways that the life I have right now is good and no one can deny that, not even me...but the one He is calling me to will be better and truly His best for my life. I'm going to have to let go of something good to get something better in other words. That's so exciting but there is some fear in there, too. I'm going to have to take some giant leaps of faith and get out of my comfort zone...but that's what I call being stretched by God and that's where true growth occurs. That's my heart's desire...to grow closer to the Lord every day and just be a servant for what He calls me to do...but it doesn't mean it is an easy process.
This weekend, I looked back over the last year of pain and trials and I just see God's hand all over it. There were some terrible things I had to walk through and uncover, but I'm glad I did because there was light shed on some areas of darkness in my life that needed to be brought to light. I would not want to be living the lie I was then. No way, no how. Because of where I'm standing now, and the changes in my life, I embrace the past year and the pain. It's made me who I am, and I don't have to be ashamed of that! My life today is fuller, richer, and more complete that it has ever been because of my walk with God. Sure, there are things I miss, but I know God knows the desires of my heart and He will bring everything full circle in His timing. I'm still a work in progress, and I always will be, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm right where God wants me to be and that's a very good feeling.
As I went to turn my key in on Sunday afternoon, I met the owner of the ranch where I was staying...I had a brief conversation with her when I booked the room a few months back, and other than knowing I was single, she didn't know much about me at all. When I handed her my key, she gave me a big hug and said "I want you to know that I've been praying for you all weekend as I looked in the direction of your cabin and I asked God to show you what you came here to figure out." To say my jaw dropped, would be a gross understatement. I was floored and I teared up and told her that for sure, He did speak to me and I appreciated her prayers more than she would ever know. As I got in my truck and drove out of there, I was just so humbled that God continues to put folks in my life, some I don't even know, who have interceded on my behalf and been so faithful to me and to God. So, for all of you who have prayed for me, some that I know and some that I don't know, I want you to know that I have felt your prayers and I just feel so blessed that each of you have been there doing battle behind the scenes for me. And I want you to know that because of that and God's infinite grace and mercy, I'm gonna be all right...the best is yet to come!
JOY
In two full days of quiet, solitude, being along with God in His creation, not seeing or talking to another person and just basically becoming very quiet, I can tell you that I felt God's presence like never before for that long of a time frame. I took some very big decisions with me on the drive up, and I had very real clarity and answers on the drive home. God gave me a specific course, not necessarily a timeline, but I have a step wise plan. He kept sending me back to His Word to back it up...so it wasn't a fluke. Even I could read it there in black and white. I see there are some very big mountains that will need to be moved for everything to line up, but I know that God will moving them...He already has started the process. I could write for days upon days about all the revelations I received and the healing that occurred, but I don't think words could do it justice. Words truly can't describe the experience so I'm not going to even try. But, I will say that God impressed upon me in big ways that the life I have right now is good and no one can deny that, not even me...but the one He is calling me to will be better and truly His best for my life. I'm going to have to let go of something good to get something better in other words. That's so exciting but there is some fear in there, too. I'm going to have to take some giant leaps of faith and get out of my comfort zone...but that's what I call being stretched by God and that's where true growth occurs. That's my heart's desire...to grow closer to the Lord every day and just be a servant for what He calls me to do...but it doesn't mean it is an easy process.
This weekend, I looked back over the last year of pain and trials and I just see God's hand all over it. There were some terrible things I had to walk through and uncover, but I'm glad I did because there was light shed on some areas of darkness in my life that needed to be brought to light. I would not want to be living the lie I was then. No way, no how. Because of where I'm standing now, and the changes in my life, I embrace the past year and the pain. It's made me who I am, and I don't have to be ashamed of that! My life today is fuller, richer, and more complete that it has ever been because of my walk with God. Sure, there are things I miss, but I know God knows the desires of my heart and He will bring everything full circle in His timing. I'm still a work in progress, and I always will be, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm right where God wants me to be and that's a very good feeling.
As I went to turn my key in on Sunday afternoon, I met the owner of the ranch where I was staying...I had a brief conversation with her when I booked the room a few months back, and other than knowing I was single, she didn't know much about me at all. When I handed her my key, she gave me a big hug and said "I want you to know that I've been praying for you all weekend as I looked in the direction of your cabin and I asked God to show you what you came here to figure out." To say my jaw dropped, would be a gross understatement. I was floored and I teared up and told her that for sure, He did speak to me and I appreciated her prayers more than she would ever know. As I got in my truck and drove out of there, I was just so humbled that God continues to put folks in my life, some I don't even know, who have interceded on my behalf and been so faithful to me and to God. So, for all of you who have prayed for me, some that I know and some that I don't know, I want you to know that I have felt your prayers and I just feel so blessed that each of you have been there doing battle behind the scenes for me. And I want you to know that because of that and God's infinite grace and mercy, I'm gonna be all right...the best is yet to come!
JOY
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Last Chapter of the Book
My life is so different from a year ago...and I mean different in a good way. I look back on the past year of my life, and even I can see the changes in myself but it makes me very happy when others notice it, too. I'm happy in ways I have not been in a very long time...and learned what that joy that comes from God is all about. I love life, I look forward to each day and I know God has very big plans for my future and I absolutely CANNOT wait!
With that being said, I've put myself out there, really out there, for God lately. I've done some radical things and stuck my neck out for the Kingdom and strongholds have been broken in people's lives because of my witness. That brings me great joy seeing lives set free to live for the Kingdom. But, I know that infuriates the enemy and sets me up for attack. Well, the last blow of a chain of events came yesterday. I won't go into it all because I never want to slander anyone through my writing, but let's just say the last shoe in a very long year finally dropped. The truth I had desperately wanted for people to know in the last year finally came out, not without a layer of pain to me but it's okay. I've been through way worse in the past year and I'm a survivor. God has finally vindicated me and the truth truly has set me free.
The news came in just God's perfect timing after me and a friend had JUST been talking about this situation that I knew would be coming Monday night...and then less than 24 hours later, I find out it had happened. I have talked very publicly and openly about my stand for my marriage through the divorce. And if God had wanted me to keep standing, I would have been obedient, I really would have. But, in August, He released me from my marriage and let me know that I had done what He had asked but the other side was just lost, deceived and had every chance to turn away, but they refused to do so. That was hard for me to let go but I've learned to trust in Him. And, last month, I was talking with a friend who is going through the EXACT same thing (I mean down to the same wording...it's nuts how the enemy keeps using the same ole tricks because hey, they are working) and she was telling me the promises God had spoken over her about restoration of her marriage. I realized later that God had never spoken over me that my marriage would be restored, quite the opposite actually; He told me the divorce would have to happen in order for His plan to play out in the future. I now know that my stand for my marriage, in the face of humiliation and adversity, was not what I thought, as in my marriage would be restored...but in fact it was all about obedience and patience and discipline that He wanted to build in me. What a revelation! It was a test of sorts...and after the work in me was complete, He let me move on. Course, I still was uncertain and wanting to make 100% sure this was of God and just not of me WANTING to move on but yesterday, the last question was answered. Sure, it hurt but in a way, I am so very relieved. I feel free, lighter, vindicated, and just....glad it's over. I do feel sad for the other parties involved because this road is not a pretty one...but I wish no ill will and the burden is off of me and onto someone else. I do believe no one is past God's saving grace, but now I know that door is firmly closed for me in that relationship, never to be reopened again.
I also realized that now, my feet are on solid, rock foundation...not shifting sand as before...and when the winds come, because they will always through life, this time, I will not be moved. My foundation is solid now and praise the Lord for that!!! That was very clear to me after yesterday. God also placed a very important person in my path a month or so ago, that was very instrumental in talking to me yesterday and making me laugh through the tears. They know who they are and I'm very thankful for their presence in my life. What the enemy so wanted to use to harm me, my Lord and Savior turned to good and real joy! I just feel so very blessed!!! It feels so good to laugh and I'm taking the suggestion of several to not let recent events of this year and last year ruin November for me...in fact, I'm celebrating being free of my chains and not being held back anymore! Now where's the cake?!
So, the final chapter has been written and this book is now closed. I'm really excited about my "new book" of life and where it will head. God has really been impressing on me lately some very big changes...in order for these changes to happen, a lot of mountains will have to be moved. But, our God is greater and stronger and I know if I'm in HIS WILL and this is what HE wants, it will happen. I'm so very greatful for second chances, that I know I don't deserve but I'm glad we serve such a loving Father who grants them anyways. I'm bound and determined to walk this next part of my life with God, waiting on Him at every turn, to the very best of my humanly abilities with God's help of course!
Thanks for all the well wishes, the rally of support by my friends and family checking in on me, but honestly, I'm good. Heck, I'm BETTER than good...I'm great! This weekend, in yet another show of God's impeccable timing, I'm going on my solitude journey to just hang out with God, listen and reflect on the last year. I can't wait...His timing never ceases to amaze me.
Love to all!
JOY
With that being said, I've put myself out there, really out there, for God lately. I've done some radical things and stuck my neck out for the Kingdom and strongholds have been broken in people's lives because of my witness. That brings me great joy seeing lives set free to live for the Kingdom. But, I know that infuriates the enemy and sets me up for attack. Well, the last blow of a chain of events came yesterday. I won't go into it all because I never want to slander anyone through my writing, but let's just say the last shoe in a very long year finally dropped. The truth I had desperately wanted for people to know in the last year finally came out, not without a layer of pain to me but it's okay. I've been through way worse in the past year and I'm a survivor. God has finally vindicated me and the truth truly has set me free.
The news came in just God's perfect timing after me and a friend had JUST been talking about this situation that I knew would be coming Monday night...and then less than 24 hours later, I find out it had happened. I have talked very publicly and openly about my stand for my marriage through the divorce. And if God had wanted me to keep standing, I would have been obedient, I really would have. But, in August, He released me from my marriage and let me know that I had done what He had asked but the other side was just lost, deceived and had every chance to turn away, but they refused to do so. That was hard for me to let go but I've learned to trust in Him. And, last month, I was talking with a friend who is going through the EXACT same thing (I mean down to the same wording...it's nuts how the enemy keeps using the same ole tricks because hey, they are working) and she was telling me the promises God had spoken over her about restoration of her marriage. I realized later that God had never spoken over me that my marriage would be restored, quite the opposite actually; He told me the divorce would have to happen in order for His plan to play out in the future. I now know that my stand for my marriage, in the face of humiliation and adversity, was not what I thought, as in my marriage would be restored...but in fact it was all about obedience and patience and discipline that He wanted to build in me. What a revelation! It was a test of sorts...and after the work in me was complete, He let me move on. Course, I still was uncertain and wanting to make 100% sure this was of God and just not of me WANTING to move on but yesterday, the last question was answered. Sure, it hurt but in a way, I am so very relieved. I feel free, lighter, vindicated, and just....glad it's over. I do feel sad for the other parties involved because this road is not a pretty one...but I wish no ill will and the burden is off of me and onto someone else. I do believe no one is past God's saving grace, but now I know that door is firmly closed for me in that relationship, never to be reopened again.
I also realized that now, my feet are on solid, rock foundation...not shifting sand as before...and when the winds come, because they will always through life, this time, I will not be moved. My foundation is solid now and praise the Lord for that!!! That was very clear to me after yesterday. God also placed a very important person in my path a month or so ago, that was very instrumental in talking to me yesterday and making me laugh through the tears. They know who they are and I'm very thankful for their presence in my life. What the enemy so wanted to use to harm me, my Lord and Savior turned to good and real joy! I just feel so very blessed!!! It feels so good to laugh and I'm taking the suggestion of several to not let recent events of this year and last year ruin November for me...in fact, I'm celebrating being free of my chains and not being held back anymore! Now where's the cake?!
So, the final chapter has been written and this book is now closed. I'm really excited about my "new book" of life and where it will head. God has really been impressing on me lately some very big changes...in order for these changes to happen, a lot of mountains will have to be moved. But, our God is greater and stronger and I know if I'm in HIS WILL and this is what HE wants, it will happen. I'm so very greatful for second chances, that I know I don't deserve but I'm glad we serve such a loving Father who grants them anyways. I'm bound and determined to walk this next part of my life with God, waiting on Him at every turn, to the very best of my humanly abilities with God's help of course!
Thanks for all the well wishes, the rally of support by my friends and family checking in on me, but honestly, I'm good. Heck, I'm BETTER than good...I'm great! This weekend, in yet another show of God's impeccable timing, I'm going on my solitude journey to just hang out with God, listen and reflect on the last year. I can't wait...His timing never ceases to amaze me.
Love to all!
JOY
Monday, November 8, 2010
Milestones and reflections
The month of November has always been "my month"...the most exciting time of the year for me because it contains a nationally known, world famous date...my birthday! I always get made fun of because I don't celebrate a day, I celebrate a week or longer if I can get away with it! When asked what my favorite holiday is, I always say my birthday! I know it is silly to some, but it's my day and I love the attention and suprises and the fun that I don't have to share with anyone else. It's just the way I feel and I blame my mother for spoiling me!
With that being said, obviously last November was chalked up to the worst birthday EVER on record...as in my husband left me three days before it. Sure, my sister and my best friend flew in and tried their level best to make it a fun day...and we did have fun...but we all ignored the big elephant in the room that my life was falling apart and none of us knew would happen next. Those are true friends that drop everything (including kids) and are there for you when you are hurting and do their best to put on a happy face when they were scared for me and dying inside as well. But they never let it show. Holly & Brandi...thank you...you both are God's precious gifts to me! So, I mean no disrespect to them when I say last year my birthday sucked...there is no nice way to put it and I know they understand the point I'm making. So, as I have begun to approach a lot of those "negative year marks" this year, I secretly wished October wouldn't end because I didn't know how I would feel when the calendar flipped to November.
This past weekend marked a turning point in the dissolution of my marriage last year (didn't know it at the time but that's how it turned out) and I didn't know how I would feel about that this year. I was fortunate (okay God laid it out and I know that) to be surrounded on Satuday by amazing prayer warriors and visionarians and just had an awesome day in the Lord. I was in East Texas and the drive down was beautiful and again, I realize I miss home and still consider that home. I did a lot of driving this weekend and I do some of my best thinking and praying while I travel and all is quiet and this was no different. I realized that God has really helped me to erase the bad memories of the past year and focus on the positive things instead and these milestones are not actually negative but they are touchstones on how far I've come with God's guidance. And that's something to be celebrated, not be afraid of! I got to spend some time with my dad and we even got to see my Aggies whip up on those Sooners Saturday night, so it doesn't get much better than that! Sunday, I went to a friend's church and the message was on endurance...what a perfect word to describe the last year for me! There have been times I wanted to quit this race, didn't think I could take another step, but God gently nudged me forward. Sometimes I didn't even know why, but I chose to be obedient and He's blessed that. It wasn't easy and it sure wasn't fun at times but I'm glad I didn't quit. And I see our walks with Christ as just that...a marathon to be run. Sometimes there are hills to go up and you are struggling during those miles, but other times, you are coastiing downhill and life is just easy. They all add up and they are all part of the same race---you can't have the downhills without the uphills or the flat sections. It's just part of the race plain and simple. This weekend turned out to be just a really cool time and I can honestly say, I enjoyed every minute of it!
A year ago, I just couldn't see a down the road, nor did I want to I don't think. I was scared and insecure. But now, here I sit a year later and I can honestly say, life is so sweet! I've moved out of the pain and I've accepted what blows have come to me. It's just the path I had to take. I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, in fact, I'm extremely JOYFUL and confident in what God is doing in my life! And that is only by God's hand, as it is nothing I could have ever done on my own. So, in the next year, I'm excited to look forward with hope to see what God will bring into my life. I'm celebrating ALL MONTH long and just giving thanks for the blessings in my life!
To end this, I have to share one last thing...as I was pulling in to Ponder last night, I was praying about some things and asking for guidance and clarity and direction. At that moment, my XM radio came on and the song playing was David Crowder's "Oh Praise Him". You may be thinking, what's the big deal? The big deal is this...my little XM box has not worked since THIS SUMMER in my truck--it has sat there blank and dead for months with no signs of life, even with me trying to tinker with it. And since it hasn't worked, when it was time to renew two months ago, I just let the service lapse. So, I haven't even PAID for the service in months! I about ran off the road when I realized it was on!!! I promise, I can't make this stuff up---it actually happened! So, I took it as God's little reminder to just praise Him for everything in my life. He's got the details all figured out so I just need to chill out and let Him handle things as He's way more capable than me! (And another note...after that song finished, it quit working and hasn't worked today at all so it wasn't just a fluke!)
Counting my blessings and celebrating this November!
JOY
With that being said, obviously last November was chalked up to the worst birthday EVER on record...as in my husband left me three days before it. Sure, my sister and my best friend flew in and tried their level best to make it a fun day...and we did have fun...but we all ignored the big elephant in the room that my life was falling apart and none of us knew would happen next. Those are true friends that drop everything (including kids) and are there for you when you are hurting and do their best to put on a happy face when they were scared for me and dying inside as well. But they never let it show. Holly & Brandi...thank you...you both are God's precious gifts to me! So, I mean no disrespect to them when I say last year my birthday sucked...there is no nice way to put it and I know they understand the point I'm making. So, as I have begun to approach a lot of those "negative year marks" this year, I secretly wished October wouldn't end because I didn't know how I would feel when the calendar flipped to November.
This past weekend marked a turning point in the dissolution of my marriage last year (didn't know it at the time but that's how it turned out) and I didn't know how I would feel about that this year. I was fortunate (okay God laid it out and I know that) to be surrounded on Satuday by amazing prayer warriors and visionarians and just had an awesome day in the Lord. I was in East Texas and the drive down was beautiful and again, I realize I miss home and still consider that home. I did a lot of driving this weekend and I do some of my best thinking and praying while I travel and all is quiet and this was no different. I realized that God has really helped me to erase the bad memories of the past year and focus on the positive things instead and these milestones are not actually negative but they are touchstones on how far I've come with God's guidance. And that's something to be celebrated, not be afraid of! I got to spend some time with my dad and we even got to see my Aggies whip up on those Sooners Saturday night, so it doesn't get much better than that! Sunday, I went to a friend's church and the message was on endurance...what a perfect word to describe the last year for me! There have been times I wanted to quit this race, didn't think I could take another step, but God gently nudged me forward. Sometimes I didn't even know why, but I chose to be obedient and He's blessed that. It wasn't easy and it sure wasn't fun at times but I'm glad I didn't quit. And I see our walks with Christ as just that...a marathon to be run. Sometimes there are hills to go up and you are struggling during those miles, but other times, you are coastiing downhill and life is just easy. They all add up and they are all part of the same race---you can't have the downhills without the uphills or the flat sections. It's just part of the race plain and simple. This weekend turned out to be just a really cool time and I can honestly say, I enjoyed every minute of it!
A year ago, I just couldn't see a down the road, nor did I want to I don't think. I was scared and insecure. But now, here I sit a year later and I can honestly say, life is so sweet! I've moved out of the pain and I've accepted what blows have come to me. It's just the path I had to take. I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, in fact, I'm extremely JOYFUL and confident in what God is doing in my life! And that is only by God's hand, as it is nothing I could have ever done on my own. So, in the next year, I'm excited to look forward with hope to see what God will bring into my life. I'm celebrating ALL MONTH long and just giving thanks for the blessings in my life!
To end this, I have to share one last thing...as I was pulling in to Ponder last night, I was praying about some things and asking for guidance and clarity and direction. At that moment, my XM radio came on and the song playing was David Crowder's "Oh Praise Him". You may be thinking, what's the big deal? The big deal is this...my little XM box has not worked since THIS SUMMER in my truck--it has sat there blank and dead for months with no signs of life, even with me trying to tinker with it. And since it hasn't worked, when it was time to renew two months ago, I just let the service lapse. So, I haven't even PAID for the service in months! I about ran off the road when I realized it was on!!! I promise, I can't make this stuff up---it actually happened! So, I took it as God's little reminder to just praise Him for everything in my life. He's got the details all figured out so I just need to chill out and let Him handle things as He's way more capable than me! (And another note...after that song finished, it quit working and hasn't worked today at all so it wasn't just a fluke!)
Counting my blessings and celebrating this November!
JOY
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Hope vs Expectation
So many amazing and exciting things have been happening in the past few weeks, so I shouldn't have been suprised when I came under attack in the past week and a half on all sides. But as happens in an attack, it can hit you hard, out of the blue and just be tough to stand up against no matter how many "weapons" you have in your arsenal. I've just been fighting an uphill battle and life has just been...hard and tiring...as of late. All the excitement I had a few weeks back was just becoming a distant memory. And, then last week, I got this devotional email that really made me think about how I was looking at things in my life. It has stuck with me several days, and I even woke up at 3am one day this week thinking on it some more and coming to some realizations. I've copied it here and given the author credit so you can have the full effect vs. me trying to paraphrase.
The Difference Between Expectations and Hope
Copyright Debbie Taylor Williams, excerpt from The Plan A Woman in a Plan B World: What to Do When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan
In college I received a plaque that had a photograph of a cocker spaniel and the caption, “Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.” I paid little attention to the words, but I thought the picture of the dog was adorable and hung it on my dorm-room wall.
Months later, after a series of disappointments, the plaque’s words came alive to me. It’s true, I decided. If I don’t expect things of people or situations, then I won’t be disappointed when they don’t turn out the way I wanted. I lived with that philosophy for months. After a while, however, the mantra became unsettling. How does that philosophy fit with Christianity? I wondered. Aren’t Christians supposed to hope? Going to my Bible, I found numerous insights about hope and expectations. I learned that hoping in Christ brings peace and confidence. Expectations, however, can be land mines that damage relationships and cause despair.
The word expect or a derivative of it is used only thirty-one times in the Hebrew and Greek Scriptures. However, hope is used 139 times. Consider how expectations and hope are used in the following verses:
• “You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my confidence from my youth” (Ps. 71:5).
• “The hope of the righteous is gladness, but the expectation of the wicked perishes” (Prov. 10:28)
• “The desire of the righteous is only good, but the expectation of the wicked is wrath” (Prov. 11:23).
What do you notice about the way the above verses use the words expectations and hope?
The word hope is associated with the righteous, gladness, and goodness. The word expectation is associated with the wicked, perishing, and wrath. In researching the Hebrew definitions for hope and expectation in the above verses, I made an interesting discovery. The word for hope in Psalm 71:5 and for expectation in Proverbs 10:28 and 11:23 both mean “cord, ground of hope, things hoped for, outcome.” What does that tell us in relation to the above verses? Both the righteous and wicked have a cord to which they hold. Both have a ground of hope on which they stand. Yet the outcome for each is drastically different. Why?
We’ll discover the reason as we inspect the believer’s hope. We’ll learn that our expectations of others can be dangerous land mines that lead to disappointment— especially if our expectations are skewed or unrealistic. But hope placed in God leads to blessings.
Now that makes one think, doesn't it? What I realized in the past week was that I had been praying a lot about certain circumstances...expectantly instead of hopefully. I guess you could say I was telling God what I wanted and how and when I wanted it! What a selfish and non-Christ centered way to pray! I was upset when life wasn't going my way and I was gently reminded that we have never been promised an easy time of it as Christians (quite the opposite actually as in God's word says we WILL face trials and suffering). I read a great quote by Sheila Walsh that said "Jesus did not come to get us out of the pain...He came to walk with us THROUGH the pain." Can't get much clearer than that!
We live in a fallen world and bad things happen to good people. We all know someone, or maybe we are the person, who is jobless or worse homeless, been divorced, has cancer, lost a loved one, been cheated on or wronged in some way, facing financial woes, etc...basically life just didn't turn out how we thought it should. Some weeks are just going to be tough, so just build a bridge and get over it! But, keep looking up and keep your hope in the Lord, not in things, a job, person, etc. It is biblical to have hope...just don't expect an outcome. That's all up to God's perfect will and timing, not our own. I was reminded of this again this week as I was driving home, frustrated about a tough day at work where I just felt beat down, and I looked down at the ring I wear and I kid you not, the HOPE side was facing up and staring me in the face. Humbling and another good reminder that my hope was in the wrong thing at that moment (namely myself, which is not so bueno!) and I just needed a good ole attitude adjustment! I couldn't control nor fix this problem on my own...but God sure can.
And I will be honest, there are a few situations in my life right now that I have a LOT of hope about...some exciting things that I'm taking a step out in faith with a little bit of shakey legs in the process. But, I'm now praying for God's will to be done and not Joy's! I'm full of hope and really excited about the next steps in my future...I've been given a second chance of sorts and the slate has been wiped clean. I'm hopeful but not expecting...only God knows where this road will lead!
Hoping!
JOY
The Difference Between Expectations and Hope
Copyright Debbie Taylor Williams, excerpt from The Plan A Woman in a Plan B World: What to Do When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan
In college I received a plaque that had a photograph of a cocker spaniel and the caption, “Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.” I paid little attention to the words, but I thought the picture of the dog was adorable and hung it on my dorm-room wall.
Months later, after a series of disappointments, the plaque’s words came alive to me. It’s true, I decided. If I don’t expect things of people or situations, then I won’t be disappointed when they don’t turn out the way I wanted. I lived with that philosophy for months. After a while, however, the mantra became unsettling. How does that philosophy fit with Christianity? I wondered. Aren’t Christians supposed to hope? Going to my Bible, I found numerous insights about hope and expectations. I learned that hoping in Christ brings peace and confidence. Expectations, however, can be land mines that damage relationships and cause despair.
The word expect or a derivative of it is used only thirty-one times in the Hebrew and Greek Scriptures. However, hope is used 139 times. Consider how expectations and hope are used in the following verses:
• “You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my confidence from my youth” (Ps. 71:5).
• “The hope of the righteous is gladness, but the expectation of the wicked perishes” (Prov. 10:28)
• “The desire of the righteous is only good, but the expectation of the wicked is wrath” (Prov. 11:23).
What do you notice about the way the above verses use the words expectations and hope?
The word hope is associated with the righteous, gladness, and goodness. The word expectation is associated with the wicked, perishing, and wrath. In researching the Hebrew definitions for hope and expectation in the above verses, I made an interesting discovery. The word for hope in Psalm 71:5 and for expectation in Proverbs 10:28 and 11:23 both mean “cord, ground of hope, things hoped for, outcome.” What does that tell us in relation to the above verses? Both the righteous and wicked have a cord to which they hold. Both have a ground of hope on which they stand. Yet the outcome for each is drastically different. Why?
We’ll discover the reason as we inspect the believer’s hope. We’ll learn that our expectations of others can be dangerous land mines that lead to disappointment— especially if our expectations are skewed or unrealistic. But hope placed in God leads to blessings.
Now that makes one think, doesn't it? What I realized in the past week was that I had been praying a lot about certain circumstances...expectantly instead of hopefully. I guess you could say I was telling God what I wanted and how and when I wanted it! What a selfish and non-Christ centered way to pray! I was upset when life wasn't going my way and I was gently reminded that we have never been promised an easy time of it as Christians (quite the opposite actually as in God's word says we WILL face trials and suffering). I read a great quote by Sheila Walsh that said "Jesus did not come to get us out of the pain...He came to walk with us THROUGH the pain." Can't get much clearer than that!
We live in a fallen world and bad things happen to good people. We all know someone, or maybe we are the person, who is jobless or worse homeless, been divorced, has cancer, lost a loved one, been cheated on or wronged in some way, facing financial woes, etc...basically life just didn't turn out how we thought it should. Some weeks are just going to be tough, so just build a bridge and get over it! But, keep looking up and keep your hope in the Lord, not in things, a job, person, etc. It is biblical to have hope...just don't expect an outcome. That's all up to God's perfect will and timing, not our own. I was reminded of this again this week as I was driving home, frustrated about a tough day at work where I just felt beat down, and I looked down at the ring I wear and I kid you not, the HOPE side was facing up and staring me in the face. Humbling and another good reminder that my hope was in the wrong thing at that moment (namely myself, which is not so bueno!) and I just needed a good ole attitude adjustment! I couldn't control nor fix this problem on my own...but God sure can.
And I will be honest, there are a few situations in my life right now that I have a LOT of hope about...some exciting things that I'm taking a step out in faith with a little bit of shakey legs in the process. But, I'm now praying for God's will to be done and not Joy's! I'm full of hope and really excited about the next steps in my future...I've been given a second chance of sorts and the slate has been wiped clean. I'm hopeful but not expecting...only God knows where this road will lead!
Hoping!
JOY
Monday, October 25, 2010
Krum Vet...We Made It 5 Years!
On October 24, 2005, I opened the doors to my business, Krum Vet Hospital with a lot of hope, faith and high expectations of what God was going to do here in the little town of Krum, Texas. I will have to say that the last 5 years have been a fun ride and God has done MORE than I ever expected, asked, or imagined! I want to take some time today to look back on the last 5 years and say some THANK YOUS to many that made this dream of mine become a reality.
Anyone that knew me before this crazy idea, knows that I said I would NEVER own my own business...too many headaches, late nights, responsibilities, etc. Let someone else do that job! Well, I now know to be careful to never say never! God really started working on me over a course of two years and started putting the dream in my heart to open my own business. At that point in my life, it was the largest leap of faith I ever had taken and I was scared to death. Opening a business is always difficult, but when technically you don't have one single client, the odds go up by leaps and bounds (okay I had a few faithful followers who are still with me and followed me from practice to practice but not very many!). Everyone asked, bankers and all, did I think the idea and the business would succeed and I always said a confident YES because I just felt God's call to do this and that the area was big enough to support a vet. I didn't reall have any hard figures, just a dream in my heart, but I just had faith because literally this was NOT my idea! I have to thank John Thompson, the former President of First United Bank here in Krum, for taking that leap of faith with me. He did not know me from Adam, yet still had his bank loan me six figures to start this place up...to someone that at the time wasn't even 30 years old and had zero business experience....that was huge and I realize that. But, I think he must have seen my desire and passion and knew I had something to offer. There are a lot of great vets out there, and I've worked with several, but not every practice has the compassion, the heart, the dedication to treat everyone as family and as they are important. That is where I wanted to be different...I wanted people to feel welcome and not feel like just a number. I wanted them to be family, for me to know their families, to watch not just their pets grow old, but their kids grow up and just do life with them. And, I wanted to have a team of people with that same heart and focus and passion. I feel we do have that here, and no, we aren't perfect and there are days where we miss the mark, but that is the underylying heart beat of this business and I believe why it has been successful.
There were MANY people, some even friends that were vets, who tried to discourage me, tried to tell me that I wouldn't see success until after the 5 year mark, if I even made it, etc, etc...that was hard to hear but I just kept my focus and refused to quit. I remember like yesterday the day Trish and I (who God bless her is still with me), opened the doors and just stared at each other like, NOW WHAT? I didn't know if we would have one client that day, but before long, they started to come in and we gave out about a million estimates that day, had a major computer crash where we just had to fly by the seat of our pants for a few hours, but we made it. I looked back today to see what the day end total was that day...it was $915...I can tell you I've never been happier to make $900 EVER and never worked harder for it either! I really thought no one would show up if I'm being honest so when I went home that night, I had a big smile on my face.
Over the past 5 years, I've learned that word of mouth is better than any advertising you can do. WE have clients that drive from Dallas, Bridgeport, Lewisville, Carrollton (all at least an hour away), just to bring their pets here and that is amazing to me. They pass umpteen vets on their way here but they choose to come to our practice because they know we go the extra mile and we care for them. I've even had a client drive from SAN ANTONIO (and no, it wasn't my sister or anyone she knew!) for an appointment that anyone could have done but they trusted me because of a loyal client who just sung my praises. I mean, that is humbling and just makes me smile! I literally love my job, love my business and love what I do, and not many people can say that and I realize that. I think that dedication to do my best and continue to grow and learn has made me a good vet but more importantly, a good communicator. I don't talk down to clients, use big words (and I've forgotten most of them anyways--just kidding!), or try to pull a God complex on them...I just shoot straight from the hip, I'm honest and we always do the best we can do with the resources they have...and sometimes they don't have many funds! But, at the end of the day, we treat everyone with respect and that's hard to find in a lot of businesses now days.
I'm not saying the last 5 years have been easy...there have been ups and downs and times where I didn't know how I would pay the bills, but God has always provided. The last year has been tough because the economy has finally caught up with us and the community, as well as I had a tough year personally going through a painful divorce. There were days when I just didn't want to get out of bed, but I knew I had 10 people up here counting on me and my doors were open and I just couldn't let people down...so I got up, put one foot in front of the other, and I came to work. I never missed one day. I dried my tears, set my professional face on and I went to work and I tried my best to not make life hard on those around me because this wasn't their fault! Most clients didn't know what was wrong with me, but they just knew I was quieter, not bubbly/happy, and they were concerned. Praise the Lord I didn't run people off by my actions but I knew I could show up to work and do the job, but I just didn't have anything left for the "extras" that the day needed. My staff, God love them, rallied around me and really took care of things up here and shielded me from things they knew I just couldn't handle emotionally. I never let my baggage get in the way of the job as far as doing quality work, but I know that there were days that my bedside manner wasn't the best. So, to my employees and to my clients, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me when I was down. It has meant the world to me. But...I'M BACK!!!
We've had a lot of fun days but we've also had our share of some tough days...we all grieve at the loss of our elderly clients and this job teaches you a lot about loss and grief and how people take it...from their pets to the actual people. There are days when you are emotionally drained because you go through many tough euthanasias of pets you've worked so hard to save and keep going for years...and now their day has come. We cry a lot with the owners and feel their pain but we try to focus on the good times. We have many clients that are down on their luck...from job loss, to being widowed, cancer, health issues, to death of children...all phases of life....and we've walked it with them. We've even had the painful loss of a client through a murder/suicide of the couple after a euthanasia (yes there were many other factors involved but that was the straw that broke the camel's back). Devastating for me, for the staff...things like that you are tough to get over and shake you to your core...but we made it. But, then there are the happy things...births of children, adoption of children by families and the joys there, graduations, marriages, and of course a lot of new pets! Those days are the fun days and they make it all worthwhile to see the smiles that we can put on a person's face by a job well done.
That big leap of faith taught me alot about how uncapable I am but how capable God is...and I've learned most of what I know about running a business by just being thrown into the fire! Let me just say they teach you none of this in vet school! But, God has protected me and provided for me and allowed me to not make too many bad decisions so I'm so thankful for that. Again, I say a huge thank you to every client who has walked through our doors, for every employee that has spent time working hard here, and for every vendor who has worked with us to make my dream a reality. You guys make Krum Vet Hospital what it is in my mind! I look forward to the next 5 years and just where God is going to take us in the road ahead. And to all you naysayers out there, let me take this time to say that we made it!
To the future!
JOY
Anyone that knew me before this crazy idea, knows that I said I would NEVER own my own business...too many headaches, late nights, responsibilities, etc. Let someone else do that job! Well, I now know to be careful to never say never! God really started working on me over a course of two years and started putting the dream in my heart to open my own business. At that point in my life, it was the largest leap of faith I ever had taken and I was scared to death. Opening a business is always difficult, but when technically you don't have one single client, the odds go up by leaps and bounds (okay I had a few faithful followers who are still with me and followed me from practice to practice but not very many!). Everyone asked, bankers and all, did I think the idea and the business would succeed and I always said a confident YES because I just felt God's call to do this and that the area was big enough to support a vet. I didn't reall have any hard figures, just a dream in my heart, but I just had faith because literally this was NOT my idea! I have to thank John Thompson, the former President of First United Bank here in Krum, for taking that leap of faith with me. He did not know me from Adam, yet still had his bank loan me six figures to start this place up...to someone that at the time wasn't even 30 years old and had zero business experience....that was huge and I realize that. But, I think he must have seen my desire and passion and knew I had something to offer. There are a lot of great vets out there, and I've worked with several, but not every practice has the compassion, the heart, the dedication to treat everyone as family and as they are important. That is where I wanted to be different...I wanted people to feel welcome and not feel like just a number. I wanted them to be family, for me to know their families, to watch not just their pets grow old, but their kids grow up and just do life with them. And, I wanted to have a team of people with that same heart and focus and passion. I feel we do have that here, and no, we aren't perfect and there are days where we miss the mark, but that is the underylying heart beat of this business and I believe why it has been successful.
There were MANY people, some even friends that were vets, who tried to discourage me, tried to tell me that I wouldn't see success until after the 5 year mark, if I even made it, etc, etc...that was hard to hear but I just kept my focus and refused to quit. I remember like yesterday the day Trish and I (who God bless her is still with me), opened the doors and just stared at each other like, NOW WHAT? I didn't know if we would have one client that day, but before long, they started to come in and we gave out about a million estimates that day, had a major computer crash where we just had to fly by the seat of our pants for a few hours, but we made it. I looked back today to see what the day end total was that day...it was $915...I can tell you I've never been happier to make $900 EVER and never worked harder for it either! I really thought no one would show up if I'm being honest so when I went home that night, I had a big smile on my face.
Over the past 5 years, I've learned that word of mouth is better than any advertising you can do. WE have clients that drive from Dallas, Bridgeport, Lewisville, Carrollton (all at least an hour away), just to bring their pets here and that is amazing to me. They pass umpteen vets on their way here but they choose to come to our practice because they know we go the extra mile and we care for them. I've even had a client drive from SAN ANTONIO (and no, it wasn't my sister or anyone she knew!) for an appointment that anyone could have done but they trusted me because of a loyal client who just sung my praises. I mean, that is humbling and just makes me smile! I literally love my job, love my business and love what I do, and not many people can say that and I realize that. I think that dedication to do my best and continue to grow and learn has made me a good vet but more importantly, a good communicator. I don't talk down to clients, use big words (and I've forgotten most of them anyways--just kidding!), or try to pull a God complex on them...I just shoot straight from the hip, I'm honest and we always do the best we can do with the resources they have...and sometimes they don't have many funds! But, at the end of the day, we treat everyone with respect and that's hard to find in a lot of businesses now days.
I'm not saying the last 5 years have been easy...there have been ups and downs and times where I didn't know how I would pay the bills, but God has always provided. The last year has been tough because the economy has finally caught up with us and the community, as well as I had a tough year personally going through a painful divorce. There were days when I just didn't want to get out of bed, but I knew I had 10 people up here counting on me and my doors were open and I just couldn't let people down...so I got up, put one foot in front of the other, and I came to work. I never missed one day. I dried my tears, set my professional face on and I went to work and I tried my best to not make life hard on those around me because this wasn't their fault! Most clients didn't know what was wrong with me, but they just knew I was quieter, not bubbly/happy, and they were concerned. Praise the Lord I didn't run people off by my actions but I knew I could show up to work and do the job, but I just didn't have anything left for the "extras" that the day needed. My staff, God love them, rallied around me and really took care of things up here and shielded me from things they knew I just couldn't handle emotionally. I never let my baggage get in the way of the job as far as doing quality work, but I know that there were days that my bedside manner wasn't the best. So, to my employees and to my clients, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me when I was down. It has meant the world to me. But...I'M BACK!!!
We've had a lot of fun days but we've also had our share of some tough days...we all grieve at the loss of our elderly clients and this job teaches you a lot about loss and grief and how people take it...from their pets to the actual people. There are days when you are emotionally drained because you go through many tough euthanasias of pets you've worked so hard to save and keep going for years...and now their day has come. We cry a lot with the owners and feel their pain but we try to focus on the good times. We have many clients that are down on their luck...from job loss, to being widowed, cancer, health issues, to death of children...all phases of life....and we've walked it with them. We've even had the painful loss of a client through a murder/suicide of the couple after a euthanasia (yes there were many other factors involved but that was the straw that broke the camel's back). Devastating for me, for the staff...things like that you are tough to get over and shake you to your core...but we made it. But, then there are the happy things...births of children, adoption of children by families and the joys there, graduations, marriages, and of course a lot of new pets! Those days are the fun days and they make it all worthwhile to see the smiles that we can put on a person's face by a job well done.
That big leap of faith taught me alot about how uncapable I am but how capable God is...and I've learned most of what I know about running a business by just being thrown into the fire! Let me just say they teach you none of this in vet school! But, God has protected me and provided for me and allowed me to not make too many bad decisions so I'm so thankful for that. Again, I say a huge thank you to every client who has walked through our doors, for every employee that has spent time working hard here, and for every vendor who has worked with us to make my dream a reality. You guys make Krum Vet Hospital what it is in my mind! I look forward to the next 5 years and just where God is going to take us in the road ahead. And to all you naysayers out there, let me take this time to say that we made it!
To the future!
JOY
Friday, October 22, 2010
Ringing for Jesus!
This week has just been so full of just jaw-dropping, knee-slapping, amazing things that I have enough inspiration for WEEKS of blogs. My mind is just running overtime with all that God is doing at this point, and I can hardly sleep at night! I'm like a kid the night before Christmas...just giddy with expectation!
I want to share something that is very personal, but hey, it's me...I know that doesn't suprise you! My life is an open book and I cannot hold back when God does something in my life! For anyone that knows me from the past, I was not like this before. But, it is part of how God is renewing and transforming me and I just have to share my heart! I digress...after I spoke at the conference, I had to leave for a wedding as I wrote about before. However, before I dashed off, the leader of the conference grabbed me and said before you go, you MUST hear this! One of the more mature women, whom I have never met, had been flipping through the program before the event began and was reading the speakers' bios. She came across mine and when she was reading it, God spoke to her very clearly and gave her a word about me so specific, she wrote it down. At that point, she didn't know me from Adam, nor did she know what I was going to speak about. So, AFTER I spoke, she was like, WOW...I need to tell her this!!! She pulled out her notebook and turned to the page and read it to me and I would like to share it below:
"Joy is a bell to be rung for Jesus. He wrung her out so He could fill her and then be wrung out through her to set others free."
Okay...that about dropped me to my knees if I'm being honest. Of course, I cried! I mean, I had JUST spoken and poured my heart out to a room full of ladies and sung Jesus' praises to anyone who would listen...I mean how prophetic...and how powerful! And, when God speaks...things happen!!! So, it is just so spirit-filling to have a word delivered like that about you. Plus, I had been praying for direction for a few months on the next step...and here is a faith building prophesy to head me in the right direction delivered right to me!
So, as always, God has set me feet on some firm ground and is guiding me and directing me. He's putting things into place in my life brick by brick and just rebuilding me...from the ground up...as I'm ready to take the next step. What Love...What Hope...What Faith He has and is giving me!
Ringing Loud and True!
JOY
I want to share something that is very personal, but hey, it's me...I know that doesn't suprise you! My life is an open book and I cannot hold back when God does something in my life! For anyone that knows me from the past, I was not like this before. But, it is part of how God is renewing and transforming me and I just have to share my heart! I digress...after I spoke at the conference, I had to leave for a wedding as I wrote about before. However, before I dashed off, the leader of the conference grabbed me and said before you go, you MUST hear this! One of the more mature women, whom I have never met, had been flipping through the program before the event began and was reading the speakers' bios. She came across mine and when she was reading it, God spoke to her very clearly and gave her a word about me so specific, she wrote it down. At that point, she didn't know me from Adam, nor did she know what I was going to speak about. So, AFTER I spoke, she was like, WOW...I need to tell her this!!! She pulled out her notebook and turned to the page and read it to me and I would like to share it below:
"Joy is a bell to be rung for Jesus. He wrung her out so He could fill her and then be wrung out through her to set others free."
Okay...that about dropped me to my knees if I'm being honest. Of course, I cried! I mean, I had JUST spoken and poured my heart out to a room full of ladies and sung Jesus' praises to anyone who would listen...I mean how prophetic...and how powerful! And, when God speaks...things happen!!! So, it is just so spirit-filling to have a word delivered like that about you. Plus, I had been praying for direction for a few months on the next step...and here is a faith building prophesy to head me in the right direction delivered right to me!
So, as always, God has set me feet on some firm ground and is guiding me and directing me. He's putting things into place in my life brick by brick and just rebuilding me...from the ground up...as I'm ready to take the next step. What Love...What Hope...What Faith He has and is giving me!
Ringing Loud and True!
JOY
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
God...You So AMAZE Me!!!
God has given me a whole lot of direction over the summer, and for that, I am so, so grateful! But with that being said, recently, I've just been praying "now what God"? I've been feeling that God is preparing me for the next step in my life, but I have not really known what that would be. As I've learned (albeit slowly), God reveals these things at the perfect time so I just need to be patient and wait on Him. So, my prayer has been that He will reveal which direction I should be heading and that He will give me the vision on His time frame and not mine (and in the meantime, I just sit still and wait on HIM)!
I've also mentioned recently that I felt my speaking engagement this past weekend was going to be the kickoff of something big in my life and God was going to use that to reveal some things afterwards to me...so I was anxious for the conference for a whole lot of reasons! (If you haven't read my blog about "Lessons Learned", then you need to read that one first to understand where I'm coming from.) Of course, after reading my blog this week, you know that is exactly what happened but I want to take it one step further...so think of this as a continuation of that blog.
Monday morning was just a morning of revelations to be quite honest. I was literally late for work because of all that happened to me that day! As I mentioned before, my sister and I both had speaking engagements in one week's time that were very similar and both had similar responses afterwards to two very different audiences. We both feel very humbled and in awe of how God is using our past pain to speak to others and for Him to be glorified in the process. God gave me a vision Monday that I just can't shake and I have to share it now. He gave me a vision of my sister and I BOTH speaking to an audience...about our struggles regarding divorce in general and how we originally dealt with them very differently, and then how I was presented with a second chance of sorts when it became my very own divorce. The audience was made up of all kinds of women...from teens to grandmothers...in all different walks of life. It makes absolutely perfect sense how God is revealing things to me from the past as I am now ready for that, but I never thought of us taking our 'sister act' on the road together! The subject of divorce is so incredibly painful to so many and statistics show 52% of marriages end in divorce, but when you throw in kids/adults who have divorced parents and have suffered through it on that side of the coin, it is almost impossible to find someone now days whose life has not been touched or impacted by divorce. Due to that, I know our "topic" is very relevant and timely in today's world.
After I digested all of this yesterday morning, I not only informed my sister, but I emailed the leader of the conference that I just spoke in this weekend, just to share with her what God has been up to post-conference. She emailed me last night and was just amazed...because she already had the topic for the next conference in the spring and what I'm describing fits in perfectly. AND...(this is the God-you-are-amazing-me part)...she had envisioned two speakers at each of the talks (which they haven't done before) so she almost fell out of her chair with what I was sharing with her! That just gave me chills and I was so glad I shared the vision before I had any preconceived notions as I knew absolutely NONE of this!!! Isn't God just amazing???!!! I mean, folks, I can't even make this stuff up! I don't have that great of an imagination...His plan TRULY is better than anything we could ever dream up, ask or imagine!!!
This is obviously a very new idea to me (guess not to God though) and I'm really praying for direction and clarity here, as well as asking my sister to do the same, and we will see what doors God opens for this vision in the future. I'm not sure what shape or form it will take in the future and if it will be part of our next conference or not...I have no idea...but I believe at some point, He will provide a way for it to happen regardless.
I talked about "Sun Stand Still" prayers a few weeks back and THIS is a big one for me right now...where God has a vision and a plan, I KNOW that He will make a way for it to happen and I have the faith to trust in Him for the supernatural! I would appreciate the prayers and support as I take a step prayerfully in this direction. I am so excited to see what the future holds!
Philippians 3:13-14 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
I've also mentioned recently that I felt my speaking engagement this past weekend was going to be the kickoff of something big in my life and God was going to use that to reveal some things afterwards to me...so I was anxious for the conference for a whole lot of reasons! (If you haven't read my blog about "Lessons Learned", then you need to read that one first to understand where I'm coming from.) Of course, after reading my blog this week, you know that is exactly what happened but I want to take it one step further...so think of this as a continuation of that blog.
Monday morning was just a morning of revelations to be quite honest. I was literally late for work because of all that happened to me that day! As I mentioned before, my sister and I both had speaking engagements in one week's time that were very similar and both had similar responses afterwards to two very different audiences. We both feel very humbled and in awe of how God is using our past pain to speak to others and for Him to be glorified in the process. God gave me a vision Monday that I just can't shake and I have to share it now. He gave me a vision of my sister and I BOTH speaking to an audience...about our struggles regarding divorce in general and how we originally dealt with them very differently, and then how I was presented with a second chance of sorts when it became my very own divorce. The audience was made up of all kinds of women...from teens to grandmothers...in all different walks of life. It makes absolutely perfect sense how God is revealing things to me from the past as I am now ready for that, but I never thought of us taking our 'sister act' on the road together! The subject of divorce is so incredibly painful to so many and statistics show 52% of marriages end in divorce, but when you throw in kids/adults who have divorced parents and have suffered through it on that side of the coin, it is almost impossible to find someone now days whose life has not been touched or impacted by divorce. Due to that, I know our "topic" is very relevant and timely in today's world.
After I digested all of this yesterday morning, I not only informed my sister, but I emailed the leader of the conference that I just spoke in this weekend, just to share with her what God has been up to post-conference. She emailed me last night and was just amazed...because she already had the topic for the next conference in the spring and what I'm describing fits in perfectly. AND...(this is the God-you-are-amazing-me part)...she had envisioned two speakers at each of the talks (which they haven't done before) so she almost fell out of her chair with what I was sharing with her! That just gave me chills and I was so glad I shared the vision before I had any preconceived notions as I knew absolutely NONE of this!!! Isn't God just amazing???!!! I mean, folks, I can't even make this stuff up! I don't have that great of an imagination...His plan TRULY is better than anything we could ever dream up, ask or imagine!!!
This is obviously a very new idea to me (guess not to God though) and I'm really praying for direction and clarity here, as well as asking my sister to do the same, and we will see what doors God opens for this vision in the future. I'm not sure what shape or form it will take in the future and if it will be part of our next conference or not...I have no idea...but I believe at some point, He will provide a way for it to happen regardless.
I talked about "Sun Stand Still" prayers a few weeks back and THIS is a big one for me right now...where God has a vision and a plan, I KNOW that He will make a way for it to happen and I have the faith to trust in Him for the supernatural! I would appreciate the prayers and support as I take a step prayerfully in this direction. I am so excited to see what the future holds!
Philippians 3:13-14 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.I don't have it all figured out by any means, but I'm straining towards the goal that God is laying out in front of me and I'm standing and believing that with Him, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!
Another new day full of God's wonders!
JOY
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
A Lesson Learned Ten Years in the Making
The saying "God works in mysterious ways" is an understatement if you ask me! Sometimes, God reveals things to me or does something in my life where everything just clicks and I sit back and say in amazement..."WHOA"! A "whoa" moment happened to me this weekend and I just want to share a bit of it with you. (As a disclaimer, since this involves my sister as well...I assure you I have received her permission to share the following!)
After I spoke at the conference Saturday, I hot-footed it to Tyler to go to a dear friend's wedding (we call her our little sis since she doesn't have any siblings!) with my family. My sister and her husband were in for the event, so it was even more special to get to be with the whole family in one weekend, as that NEVER happens. So, after all the wedding festivities and the hustle and bustle of the day, we were driving home to my mom's house late that night when they started asking me about my speaking engagement and how it went, etc. My brother-in-law, Shannon, wanted me to give them a quick synopsis of what I talked about and the response. After I gave them the run down, he was just in awe because it turns out that on the prior Monday, my sister had spoken at a Young Life meeting all about her struggles with my parents' divorce fifteen years ago. The outline of our talks were very similar, as well as the feedback we got from two very different audiences afterwards...I had no idea what she was going to talk about or that she was speaking that week, so it was a suprise to me, too. Shannon kept saying how amazed he was that we both were using our pain in a positive way to show what God can do with your life when you give Him control.
Now here is where it gets interesting so hang with me...I thought a bit on that and how it was interesting that within a five day period, we both were being very public and open with our lives, and since I don't believe in coincidences, I just thought...hmmm, God's up to something! But then, I just left it alone to be honest. Yesterday morning in my prayer time, however, God brought that back up to me and just revealed some things to me that I would like to share. First off, when our parents divorced, I was in college at A&M, but Holly was a senior in high school. She had to live and breathe the divorce, where I was able to escape it in a way. It was very traumatic on both of us, but for her, it was much worse at that time. She became very broken before God, and turned to Him for support and encouragement. I had the opposite response...I ran from Him and everything I had once believed. It wasn't really a conscious decision, looking back, but more of a "I'm just numb and don't want to think about it" type thing (what I've learned the enemy does best). I quit attending church, I partied...a LOT, I really quit going home and I avoided family at all costs. I didn't want to hear about the situation at all and for sure I didn't want to have to live it...I just consumed myself with my new life, and in my line of study, that was easy to do. I'm not saying I was a horrible person...but I wasn't very Godly either. I basically did what many do...I couldn't stand the pain so I found ways to self-medicate out of it. This went on, sadly, for years. Until I met my husband...and things just started looking different. We started talking, for hours upon hours, about how we had not been walking with God and we started becoming convicted about it and began to do something about it, as we both had that heart for God originally. Basically, God was softening our hearts and leading us back to Him. We began attending church and we were very blessed to find a great church in our area that we became very involved with and grew by leaps and bounds spiritually. It was as if life was lining up for us and we "got our acts together" so-to-speak.
So, fast forward 10 years...and here I am...now myself on the side of divorce, where I never, ever, EVER wanted to be (can I throw another NEVER, EVER in for good measure?)! I was so gun shy of marriage after my parents' divorce and that's one reason I didn't marry until I was 26 years old (and it is not that I didn't have offers!) and I was just so sure that he was "THE ONE". Brad knew I was so petrified of divorce due to my parents' marriage crumbling after 30 years (as we had talked about it often) and I pretty much hog-tied him and sat on him and made him swear to me that we would never divorce! He promised and reassured me that if we ever had problems, we would do whatever it took to fix them and divorce was just never an option for either one of us. I liked that answer. Well...we all know how that ended up! And I say this not to point a finger at him...quite the opposite...I'm pointing the finger at myself because I had such a wrong perspective on marriage! He and I could never keep a marriage going without putting God first, no matter what we promised to each other! Satan was bound to come after one of us and try to wiggle in between us, especially when we started sticking our necks out for the Kingdom...and that's exactly what happened. We were so unprepared for that type of attack and I think, no I KNOW, that not enough people talk to young marrieds about putting their spiritual armor on and how to stand up to the attacks that WILL come your way (not exactly what you want to hear when you are in newlywed bliss)! I say all of this to make a point (I promise it's coming)...God showed me very specifically Monday that I didn't respond in a Godly manner the first time around after my parents' divorce, so guess what? I got a second chance at it...without even realizing it, and this time I was more spiritually mature and I chose the right path...the one to walk in the spirit and not the world/flesh as I had done before. I REFUSED to self medicate out of the pain...I decided to walk in it, to embrace it and to LEARN THE LESSONS God brought my way. Again, I'm just now seeing the correlation between the two events so it is not like I originally saw this as a second chance!
Today, I linked the two events together...it was like a piece of a puzzle fitting perfectly. I'm not saying God allowed my divorce to happen as a punishment because I was a "bad girl" before. I don't see Him as vengeful towards me, but instead loving and wanting to discipline me and give me a second chance to get it right! I believe there are many reasons that my divorce was allowed, and some are due to what is happening on the other side of the mountain. But, I do see this as just one of the reasons and it all makes perfect sense to me in this moment.
In every situation, and I do mean EVERY situation, there is a lesson to be learned. I don't think we realize that (I know I didn't)...and this is why people keep making the same mistakes over and over again. And of course, God keeps giving us more chances to get it right. My parents' divorce wasn't my fault by any means, but how I responded to it most certainly was! Our God is just so loving and He gives us ample chances to turn to Him and live out the best life He has planned for us. So, today, I'm thanking Him for showing me how He has redeemed yet more pain from my past and used it for His glory!
I may be a slow learner...but when I get it...I GET IT!!!
JOY
After I spoke at the conference Saturday, I hot-footed it to Tyler to go to a dear friend's wedding (we call her our little sis since she doesn't have any siblings!) with my family. My sister and her husband were in for the event, so it was even more special to get to be with the whole family in one weekend, as that NEVER happens. So, after all the wedding festivities and the hustle and bustle of the day, we were driving home to my mom's house late that night when they started asking me about my speaking engagement and how it went, etc. My brother-in-law, Shannon, wanted me to give them a quick synopsis of what I talked about and the response. After I gave them the run down, he was just in awe because it turns out that on the prior Monday, my sister had spoken at a Young Life meeting all about her struggles with my parents' divorce fifteen years ago. The outline of our talks were very similar, as well as the feedback we got from two very different audiences afterwards...I had no idea what she was going to talk about or that she was speaking that week, so it was a suprise to me, too. Shannon kept saying how amazed he was that we both were using our pain in a positive way to show what God can do with your life when you give Him control.
Now here is where it gets interesting so hang with me...I thought a bit on that and how it was interesting that within a five day period, we both were being very public and open with our lives, and since I don't believe in coincidences, I just thought...hmmm, God's up to something! But then, I just left it alone to be honest. Yesterday morning in my prayer time, however, God brought that back up to me and just revealed some things to me that I would like to share. First off, when our parents divorced, I was in college at A&M, but Holly was a senior in high school. She had to live and breathe the divorce, where I was able to escape it in a way. It was very traumatic on both of us, but for her, it was much worse at that time. She became very broken before God, and turned to Him for support and encouragement. I had the opposite response...I ran from Him and everything I had once believed. It wasn't really a conscious decision, looking back, but more of a "I'm just numb and don't want to think about it" type thing (what I've learned the enemy does best). I quit attending church, I partied...a LOT, I really quit going home and I avoided family at all costs. I didn't want to hear about the situation at all and for sure I didn't want to have to live it...I just consumed myself with my new life, and in my line of study, that was easy to do. I'm not saying I was a horrible person...but I wasn't very Godly either. I basically did what many do...I couldn't stand the pain so I found ways to self-medicate out of it. This went on, sadly, for years. Until I met my husband...and things just started looking different. We started talking, for hours upon hours, about how we had not been walking with God and we started becoming convicted about it and began to do something about it, as we both had that heart for God originally. Basically, God was softening our hearts and leading us back to Him. We began attending church and we were very blessed to find a great church in our area that we became very involved with and grew by leaps and bounds spiritually. It was as if life was lining up for us and we "got our acts together" so-to-speak.
So, fast forward 10 years...and here I am...now myself on the side of divorce, where I never, ever, EVER wanted to be (can I throw another NEVER, EVER in for good measure?)! I was so gun shy of marriage after my parents' divorce and that's one reason I didn't marry until I was 26 years old (and it is not that I didn't have offers!) and I was just so sure that he was "THE ONE". Brad knew I was so petrified of divorce due to my parents' marriage crumbling after 30 years (as we had talked about it often) and I pretty much hog-tied him and sat on him and made him swear to me that we would never divorce! He promised and reassured me that if we ever had problems, we would do whatever it took to fix them and divorce was just never an option for either one of us. I liked that answer. Well...we all know how that ended up! And I say this not to point a finger at him...quite the opposite...I'm pointing the finger at myself because I had such a wrong perspective on marriage! He and I could never keep a marriage going without putting God first, no matter what we promised to each other! Satan was bound to come after one of us and try to wiggle in between us, especially when we started sticking our necks out for the Kingdom...and that's exactly what happened. We were so unprepared for that type of attack and I think, no I KNOW, that not enough people talk to young marrieds about putting their spiritual armor on and how to stand up to the attacks that WILL come your way (not exactly what you want to hear when you are in newlywed bliss)! I say all of this to make a point (I promise it's coming)...God showed me very specifically Monday that I didn't respond in a Godly manner the first time around after my parents' divorce, so guess what? I got a second chance at it...without even realizing it, and this time I was more spiritually mature and I chose the right path...the one to walk in the spirit and not the world/flesh as I had done before. I REFUSED to self medicate out of the pain...I decided to walk in it, to embrace it and to LEARN THE LESSONS God brought my way. Again, I'm just now seeing the correlation between the two events so it is not like I originally saw this as a second chance!
Today, I linked the two events together...it was like a piece of a puzzle fitting perfectly. I'm not saying God allowed my divorce to happen as a punishment because I was a "bad girl" before. I don't see Him as vengeful towards me, but instead loving and wanting to discipline me and give me a second chance to get it right! I believe there are many reasons that my divorce was allowed, and some are due to what is happening on the other side of the mountain. But, I do see this as just one of the reasons and it all makes perfect sense to me in this moment.
In every situation, and I do mean EVERY situation, there is a lesson to be learned. I don't think we realize that (I know I didn't)...and this is why people keep making the same mistakes over and over again. And of course, God keeps giving us more chances to get it right. My parents' divorce wasn't my fault by any means, but how I responded to it most certainly was! Our God is just so loving and He gives us ample chances to turn to Him and live out the best life He has planned for us. So, today, I'm thanking Him for showing me how He has redeemed yet more pain from my past and used it for His glory!
I may be a slow learner...but when I get it...I GET IT!!!
JOY
Monday, October 18, 2010
What an amazing weekend!
I know it has been awhile since I have posted, but it doesn't mean that nothing has been going on in my life. Just means I've been incredibly busy! I have so many things I want to write about right now, ideas floating in my head and on my heart, so I just need to sit down and do it!
I wanted to write a post to the women who attended the women's conference this past Saturday...you know who you are! I hated to leave early, but I had a dear friend's wedding back in Tyler that I just couldn't miss. But, ladies, thank you for being an amazing audience and for listening to me ramble on, cry and sniff for an hour. It was a cathartic time and I could just feel the Lord's presence in that room! How cool was that? I appreciate those of you who came up and shared with me what parts of my story God used to touch your hearts. To me, that makes it ALL worthwhile. As I said in my talk, when I said yes to speaking months ago, I just felt God telling me that there would be women in that room who needed to hear what HE was going to have me speak about...so to have that reaffirmed by you was just so wonderful. Preparing for that talk was such a journey to go back and revisit some of the past hurts and sufferings, but it was also a sweet reminder of the joy that the Lord has brought to me in this process! My cup overflows!!!
For those of you who wanted to come but couldn't make it, I'm working on getting a copy of the video and having a link to play my talk on my blog. Might take me a bit to figure that out but hopefully soon, I will have it on here for you to watch at your convenience. Advance warning: I go into the ugly cry a few times so this video is not for the faint of heart! So stay tuned...
God has used this weekend to speak some very specific things to me and give me some visions for the future...and where to go next. I think I had mentioned before that I had felt God saying that this weekend was going to be the kick off of something big in my life...and boy was that right! Things have begun to happen already and I'm just so excited for where the Lord is going to lead me!!! As I said Saturday, sometimes we just can't know the next step because we aren't ready yet...God will reveal it when we are ready and in His timing.
Today, I'm physically tired after a long weekend but spiritually my heart is so full and I'm just overjoyed...walking on air still! Thanks, ladies, for blessing ME and allowing me the favor of speaking with you. To God be all the Glory, Honor, and Praise!!!
God is Good!!!
JOY
I wanted to write a post to the women who attended the women's conference this past Saturday...you know who you are! I hated to leave early, but I had a dear friend's wedding back in Tyler that I just couldn't miss. But, ladies, thank you for being an amazing audience and for listening to me ramble on, cry and sniff for an hour. It was a cathartic time and I could just feel the Lord's presence in that room! How cool was that? I appreciate those of you who came up and shared with me what parts of my story God used to touch your hearts. To me, that makes it ALL worthwhile. As I said in my talk, when I said yes to speaking months ago, I just felt God telling me that there would be women in that room who needed to hear what HE was going to have me speak about...so to have that reaffirmed by you was just so wonderful. Preparing for that talk was such a journey to go back and revisit some of the past hurts and sufferings, but it was also a sweet reminder of the joy that the Lord has brought to me in this process! My cup overflows!!!
For those of you who wanted to come but couldn't make it, I'm working on getting a copy of the video and having a link to play my talk on my blog. Might take me a bit to figure that out but hopefully soon, I will have it on here for you to watch at your convenience. Advance warning: I go into the ugly cry a few times so this video is not for the faint of heart! So stay tuned...
God has used this weekend to speak some very specific things to me and give me some visions for the future...and where to go next. I think I had mentioned before that I had felt God saying that this weekend was going to be the kick off of something big in my life...and boy was that right! Things have begun to happen already and I'm just so excited for where the Lord is going to lead me!!! As I said Saturday, sometimes we just can't know the next step because we aren't ready yet...God will reveal it when we are ready and in His timing.
Today, I'm physically tired after a long weekend but spiritually my heart is so full and I'm just overjoyed...walking on air still! Thanks, ladies, for blessing ME and allowing me the favor of speaking with you. To God be all the Glory, Honor, and Praise!!!
God is Good!!!
JOY
Monday, October 11, 2010
Favor Flavored Conference...5 Days Away!
Just a reminder that the Women's Conference at Cross Timbers Church is THIS Saturday (gulp!) in Denton, Texas. It will be all day from 9am till 5pm and the cost of the conference includes lunch (for $25...this is a steal)! The day's topic is all about God's Favor despite the ups and downs of this fallen world we live in...and yes, I'm one of the five speakers (but I would be going even if I wasn't!). I'm nervously anticipating Saturday with much excitement regarding my part in the conference, and I'm just praying that God will be given all the glory!
I do hope many women will come and hear some great testimonies and that be doing so, their lives will be enriched by seeing what God's glory and power can do when we just give HIM the reins to our lives! However, even if you can't attend, PLEASE pray for each lady in attendance, as well as the speakers (double prayers for me!) and organizers. I know I would appreciate that greatly because we are all expecting God-sized things to come out of this event and we do NOT want the enemy to try to stop the messages that will be delivered on Saturday. I know our heart, as speakers and conference leaders, is to be able to communicate the amazing things God has done for each of us in a conversational, friend-to-friend way. Don't come expecting a sermon...come expecting a day of fun, celebration, and heart-felt honesty and authenticity woman-to-woman!
You can still register online and find out more info at: http://valshouse.org/Events.htm OR you can walk up and register Saturday (but the cost is then $30) at the door. Either way, I hope those of you that are local will come out and have some fun with us! God is the best at turning losses into contribution for His Kingdom so we give Him all the glory up front for what He is going to do on this day and in the days after!
Favor all around!
JOY
I do hope many women will come and hear some great testimonies and that be doing so, their lives will be enriched by seeing what God's glory and power can do when we just give HIM the reins to our lives! However, even if you can't attend, PLEASE pray for each lady in attendance, as well as the speakers (double prayers for me!) and organizers. I know I would appreciate that greatly because we are all expecting God-sized things to come out of this event and we do NOT want the enemy to try to stop the messages that will be delivered on Saturday. I know our heart, as speakers and conference leaders, is to be able to communicate the amazing things God has done for each of us in a conversational, friend-to-friend way. Don't come expecting a sermon...come expecting a day of fun, celebration, and heart-felt honesty and authenticity woman-to-woman!
You can still register online and find out more info at: http://valshouse.org/Events.htm OR you can walk up and register Saturday (but the cost is then $30) at the door. Either way, I hope those of you that are local will come out and have some fun with us! God is the best at turning losses into contribution for His Kingdom so we give Him all the glory up front for what He is going to do on this day and in the days after!
Favor all around!
JOY
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Sun Stand Still...Joy's Book Club Fave
You guys know that I like to read...a lot. It is a borderline obsession with me and I might just need a 12 step recovery program! I can read very fast, so I tear through a book like nobody's business. I have this problem...I really only like to read if I can read a book straight through. Doesn't matter if it's 100 pages or 800 pages. I devour it in one sitting. None of this wussy "read one chapter a night" for this girl. No way, no how. I know, I know...it is a sickness (but I don't really care!).
All kidding aside, I read a book last week that is a must read. If you only read one book a year, READ THIS ONE!!! It is the best book I've read in a long time...and that's saying something because I've read a lot of phenomenal books! This book will change the way you believe, how you pray, and how you picture God. The name of the book is Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick, who is the young pastor of one of the fastest growing churches in the USA (Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC)
http://www.sunstandstill.org/
The book is based on the story of Joshua and how he asked God to have the sun stand still for an extra day in order to win the battle that the Lord had said He would give into their hands. And guess what? God said okay...and honored the request. You can read the whole thing in Joshua chapter 10 of the old testament. The premise of the book is that we have made God way too small and think Him incapable of doing the heavy lifting in our life (or in our world for that matter). Why don't we pray the impossible? Doesn't God's word say that with man things are impossible but with God, NOTHING is impossible?! So, why do we walk around defeated all the time? Because if we were honest, we would say we really don't believe to that level. Furtick suggests that we should pray "sun stand still prayers", as in ask God for the impossible. Dream big. Have audacious faith. And expect the supernatural to occur when everything lines up according to God's will.
Wow...let me say that again...wow!!! Jaw dropping, knee slapping stuff!
Before this book was even suggested to me, I now realize that God was lining some things up in my life to get me ready to just read the book. Because after reading it, I see that God is beginning to call me to something way bigger than me. I don't have all the details and all the vision yet, just glimpses, but I have a sense it will be something I could never do alone and might seem really overwhelming, that is until I read this book and my eyes were opened wider and my goals were set higher. I mean, I've been all about living for the Kingdom NOW, not just getting by, and learning how to tap into that Kingdom power. I've decided to not live with the "let's just hang on to heaven" mentality, but to get out there and LIVE God's best life that He intends for me! That's been my focus, that's been my desire, but I see now there is way more...my dreams haven't been big enough. I have been looking at everything with my human eyes and not my spiritual eyes. Sure, I've had faith...but audacious faith...probably not. This book is radically changing my prayer life. It's almost hard to pray that boldly and confidently, but I see very clearly that is what God is talking about when He says "He will give us more than we can ask or imagine". We don't dream big enough! And that seems so silly when you are talking to a God who SPOKE the world we know into motion. I think He can handle anything we throw at Him.
I'm sure I will be talking about this book and revelations from it for awhile (disclaimer!) and quite honestly, I'm still digesting it and tossing it around in my head. But, I'm straining forward and yearning for how God wants to use me in the future. I'm thinking big. I'm waiting to see how He's going to reveal some specifics to me. But the one thing I'm not doing...I'm not putting God in a box anymore. I'm standing on His promises and I'm believing some big things. Read the book and join me in your own God-honoring dreams!
Living in audacious faith,
JOY
All kidding aside, I read a book last week that is a must read. If you only read one book a year, READ THIS ONE!!! It is the best book I've read in a long time...and that's saying something because I've read a lot of phenomenal books! This book will change the way you believe, how you pray, and how you picture God. The name of the book is Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick, who is the young pastor of one of the fastest growing churches in the USA (Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC)
http://www.sunstandstill.org/
The book is based on the story of Joshua and how he asked God to have the sun stand still for an extra day in order to win the battle that the Lord had said He would give into their hands. And guess what? God said okay...and honored the request. You can read the whole thing in Joshua chapter 10 of the old testament. The premise of the book is that we have made God way too small and think Him incapable of doing the heavy lifting in our life (or in our world for that matter). Why don't we pray the impossible? Doesn't God's word say that with man things are impossible but with God, NOTHING is impossible?! So, why do we walk around defeated all the time? Because if we were honest, we would say we really don't believe to that level. Furtick suggests that we should pray "sun stand still prayers", as in ask God for the impossible. Dream big. Have audacious faith. And expect the supernatural to occur when everything lines up according to God's will.
Wow...let me say that again...wow!!! Jaw dropping, knee slapping stuff!
Before this book was even suggested to me, I now realize that God was lining some things up in my life to get me ready to just read the book. Because after reading it, I see that God is beginning to call me to something way bigger than me. I don't have all the details and all the vision yet, just glimpses, but I have a sense it will be something I could never do alone and might seem really overwhelming, that is until I read this book and my eyes were opened wider and my goals were set higher. I mean, I've been all about living for the Kingdom NOW, not just getting by, and learning how to tap into that Kingdom power. I've decided to not live with the "let's just hang on to heaven" mentality, but to get out there and LIVE God's best life that He intends for me! That's been my focus, that's been my desire, but I see now there is way more...my dreams haven't been big enough. I have been looking at everything with my human eyes and not my spiritual eyes. Sure, I've had faith...but audacious faith...probably not. This book is radically changing my prayer life. It's almost hard to pray that boldly and confidently, but I see very clearly that is what God is talking about when He says "He will give us more than we can ask or imagine". We don't dream big enough! And that seems so silly when you are talking to a God who SPOKE the world we know into motion. I think He can handle anything we throw at Him.
I'm sure I will be talking about this book and revelations from it for awhile (disclaimer!) and quite honestly, I'm still digesting it and tossing it around in my head. But, I'm straining forward and yearning for how God wants to use me in the future. I'm thinking big. I'm waiting to see how He's going to reveal some specifics to me. But the one thing I'm not doing...I'm not putting God in a box anymore. I'm standing on His promises and I'm believing some big things. Read the book and join me in your own God-honoring dreams!
Living in audacious faith,
JOY
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Faith. Hope. Love.
Back in June, I wrote a blog on the day of what would have been my 8 year anniversary titled, "With This Ring" (http://joyisbell.blogspot.com/2010/06/with-this-ring.html), which talked about why I wore my wedding ring and how much my marriage had meant to me. It was very honest, emotional, and personal to me as anything I've ever written then or since. Nothing has changed regarding the way I feel regarding my past but about a month ago, I had a very personal encounter with God regarding the wearing of that particular ring. At that time, I was released from wearing it by a chain of bizarre events that were God ordained. I would love to tell the story because it was definitely a "in the presence of the Lord" experience, but because it would affect another person if I told the whole story, I feel it is best to keep that to myself (sorry, my whole life isn't an open book!). I will tell you that ring must have had strings attached to my heart because its removal was painful. The ring was beautiful but more than that...it held so much meaning to me regarding my covenant relationship and to be honest, I never had imagined a day that it would have ever been removed. Through that process, I saw that it is much easier to hold on to something that you know and understand, even if it is painful, than to let it go and step into a new dimension where you have no idea what is next. But, I've learned it is best to be obedient when the Lord instructs you so specifically.
After the removal of that ring, I just felt...naked to be quite honest. I never took it off in all those years, minus a few times it was at the jeweler having some maintenance. It was part of me in a strange way and I just felt the loss all over again after it was no longer there. Like...this is really happening. Another gut check, another blow, another dream dissolved into ashes.
So, during the past few weeks I felt led to purchase a new ring, but one that meant just as much to me as the one before and was a symbol of this stage of my life. I looked, I shopped, I pondered and then one day I was stuck in traffic after a doctor's appointment, and I looked over and saw a James Avery store. That's it! I pulled in and went inside and started shopping. And you guessed it...I found the perfect ring. It's a wide gold band inscribed in all caps...FAITH, HOPE, LOVE...which is written encompassing the whole ring so you really can only see one word at a time. No diamonds, no bling, plain, simple and perfect. They had to order my size so I had to wait a week...but I finally picked it up last week. I almost felt like performing a little ceremony when I put it on! To be honest, it was an emotional moment for me. To me, this ring symbolizes a new convenant and this time, it is to my Lord and Savior, dedicating the next part of my life to His service and for His glory. A simple reminder to not forget what He has brought me through, as well as where He's about to take me!
1 Corinthians 13:13 But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
When I glance at the ring throughout the day, it's often turned to a different word and it's a very cool reminder to me of what God is doing and wants to do in my life. At different times, the words mean different things. Sometimes, it is a reminder of the faith, the hope, the love that the Lord has instilled in me and shown me through this journey. Other times, it encourages me to look ahead for the new hope, the new faith, and the new love that the Lord is bringing into my life. And it's always a reminder that these three little words represent huge things for the Kingdom. Without these three things, we would be lost. But because of these three things, we can enjoy joyful abundance as the Lord so intended.
Faith. Hope. Love. 'Nuf said.
In Christ Alone,
Joy
After the removal of that ring, I just felt...naked to be quite honest. I never took it off in all those years, minus a few times it was at the jeweler having some maintenance. It was part of me in a strange way and I just felt the loss all over again after it was no longer there. Like...this is really happening. Another gut check, another blow, another dream dissolved into ashes.
So, during the past few weeks I felt led to purchase a new ring, but one that meant just as much to me as the one before and was a symbol of this stage of my life. I looked, I shopped, I pondered and then one day I was stuck in traffic after a doctor's appointment, and I looked over and saw a James Avery store. That's it! I pulled in and went inside and started shopping. And you guessed it...I found the perfect ring. It's a wide gold band inscribed in all caps...FAITH, HOPE, LOVE...which is written encompassing the whole ring so you really can only see one word at a time. No diamonds, no bling, plain, simple and perfect. They had to order my size so I had to wait a week...but I finally picked it up last week. I almost felt like performing a little ceremony when I put it on! To be honest, it was an emotional moment for me. To me, this ring symbolizes a new convenant and this time, it is to my Lord and Savior, dedicating the next part of my life to His service and for His glory. A simple reminder to not forget what He has brought me through, as well as where He's about to take me!
1 Corinthians 13:13 But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
When I glance at the ring throughout the day, it's often turned to a different word and it's a very cool reminder to me of what God is doing and wants to do in my life. At different times, the words mean different things. Sometimes, it is a reminder of the faith, the hope, the love that the Lord has instilled in me and shown me through this journey. Other times, it encourages me to look ahead for the new hope, the new faith, and the new love that the Lord is bringing into my life. And it's always a reminder that these three little words represent huge things for the Kingdom. Without these three things, we would be lost. But because of these three things, we can enjoy joyful abundance as the Lord so intended.
Faith. Hope. Love. 'Nuf said.
In Christ Alone,
Joy
Monday, September 27, 2010
Hallelujah, the locusts are gone!
Yesterday, I was out walking my dog and enjoying the gorgeous fall day that God granted us Texans. Along my walk, I noticed there was an abundance of grasshoppers. Now, I live out in the country so I see a lot of these annoying little beasts but this was an absurd amount. They were splattered all over the road, but there were some survivors out there as well hopping about and on me and my dog in their annoying little ways. This sight brought to mind a book I read this summer (isn't the mind a funny thing?) named, After the Locusts, written by Jan Coleman. It was such a powerful book and was really a perspective changer for me, yet I realized yesterday I never wrote about it and I felt the pull to do so.
The book is centered on the following verses:
Joel 2:25-26
I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm--
my great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
Never again will my people be shamed.
Until this book, I had never understood what these verses meant. Realistically, before my struggles in the past year, I don't think I could have grasped what these words were trying to say. But I have lived what Joel is talking about...a life that has been stripped bare of all the things I thought I knew, that I thought I could put my trust in and I thought were secure in my life and now, at 34 years of age, I've been left to start all over, yet again. But here's the flip side, I believe God allowed me to be stripped down in order to rebuild me again...exactly as He has always wanted to mold and shape me because this time around, He has my full, undivided attention. Yesterday, as I was recalling the book and pondering on it and getting attacked by the grasshoppers, I realized in the past, how afraid I was of the locusts in my life, how afraid I was of starting over and how I wasn't sure I could do it to be quite honest. I didn't know if I had the strength to stand up and go another round if you know what I mean...being knocked down over and over again is exhausting. However, the Lord spoke over me clear as day to get up, get moving and just hang on for one more day because He had good things in store for me. I couldn't see those hopes at the time, and it was almost laughable, but I had a mustard seed of faith that kept me focused on God and trusting in Him for my future. Now, on the other side of that journey, I'm beginning to reap the blessings that the Lord intended for me all along. He's replaced in me a new heart full of His love and compassion and He's giving me BIG dreams, audacious faith (a topic to be discussed later I promise), and a little glimpse of the path He's been getting me ready to walk down. To say it's exciting is an understatement! Basically, God knows I went through a hellacious last year. I mean, let's face it, He walked every step with me, He held every tear and He heard every cry of my heart. But now, He's starting to repay me for that lost year, and just like a plant can be stripped bare by a teem of locusts, that same plant can also bloom into a beautiful flower yet again. Let's just say I'm starting to experience the "spring" of my life...in October!
If you have had something devastating strip everything away in your life, such as a failed relationship, a death of a loved one, financial woes, cancer (is there a worst locust than that?), illness, loss of a job...basically any death of any dream...I encourage you to read this book. It will help you hang on to the promise of the blessings that are around the corner if you just keep a Kingdom focus and keep walking with your Savior. As I was so instructed during my trials, just hang on. Don't focus on your situation but look ahead and hold on to the fact that God will keep His promises to you and I assure you He will restore what you have lost if you just keeping walking with Him...plus more than you could ask or imagine! Don't trust my word though, dig into HIS WORD and you will see it as true!
The book is centered on the following verses:
Joel 2:25-26
I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm--
my great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
Never again will my people be shamed.
Until this book, I had never understood what these verses meant. Realistically, before my struggles in the past year, I don't think I could have grasped what these words were trying to say. But I have lived what Joel is talking about...a life that has been stripped bare of all the things I thought I knew, that I thought I could put my trust in and I thought were secure in my life and now, at 34 years of age, I've been left to start all over, yet again. But here's the flip side, I believe God allowed me to be stripped down in order to rebuild me again...exactly as He has always wanted to mold and shape me because this time around, He has my full, undivided attention. Yesterday, as I was recalling the book and pondering on it and getting attacked by the grasshoppers, I realized in the past, how afraid I was of the locusts in my life, how afraid I was of starting over and how I wasn't sure I could do it to be quite honest. I didn't know if I had the strength to stand up and go another round if you know what I mean...being knocked down over and over again is exhausting. However, the Lord spoke over me clear as day to get up, get moving and just hang on for one more day because He had good things in store for me. I couldn't see those hopes at the time, and it was almost laughable, but I had a mustard seed of faith that kept me focused on God and trusting in Him for my future. Now, on the other side of that journey, I'm beginning to reap the blessings that the Lord intended for me all along. He's replaced in me a new heart full of His love and compassion and He's giving me BIG dreams, audacious faith (a topic to be discussed later I promise), and a little glimpse of the path He's been getting me ready to walk down. To say it's exciting is an understatement! Basically, God knows I went through a hellacious last year. I mean, let's face it, He walked every step with me, He held every tear and He heard every cry of my heart. But now, He's starting to repay me for that lost year, and just like a plant can be stripped bare by a teem of locusts, that same plant can also bloom into a beautiful flower yet again. Let's just say I'm starting to experience the "spring" of my life...in October!
If you have had something devastating strip everything away in your life, such as a failed relationship, a death of a loved one, financial woes, cancer (is there a worst locust than that?), illness, loss of a job...basically any death of any dream...I encourage you to read this book. It will help you hang on to the promise of the blessings that are around the corner if you just keep a Kingdom focus and keep walking with your Savior. As I was so instructed during my trials, just hang on. Don't focus on your situation but look ahead and hold on to the fact that God will keep His promises to you and I assure you He will restore what you have lost if you just keeping walking with Him...plus more than you could ask or imagine! Don't trust my word though, dig into HIS WORD and you will see it as true!On my walk back home yesterday, a breeze kicked up and there was a gentle wind that began to blow. You know what happened? All those locusts kept trying to hop at me, on me and around me, but every time they tried to land...that wind just sent them air borne away from me. They were literally flying several feet before landing in the opposite direction they had intended. I had to laugh at the illustration because I see in this season of my life, the Lord is shielding me and He's doing new things in me. He's keeping those locusts off of me and heading the other direction! Their time to wreak havoc in my life is over for now (thank you Lord!) and that gentle whisper of His voice in the wind is reassuring me that He's got a plan for my life and the "repayment" of my lost time. It may not be what I would have planned for my life but I know in the long run, it will be better!
Hallelujah the locusts are gone!
JOY
Monday, September 20, 2010
Assignment Solitude
A few months back, I read Brennan Mannings', Ragamuffin Gospel, for the first time. Wow...I was blown away after reading the book! He came and spoke years ago at our church and I have never forgotten that message. He's so real and a bit in your face when he speaks, and brutally honest to a fault, but I appreciate that in a person. He writes the same way and his book left an impression on me in so many ways (if you haven't read it, read it now!).
One of the things he talks about in his book is a time period where he basically went on a sabbatical and just was alone in nature for a period of days in solitude and absolute silence. He spent the time searching for God, listening to His voice and completely quieted his life. I may be the only one in the world that remembers this part of the book, but for me, that was radical and one of those things I thought, "that would be cool to do, but who has the time?"
Since I have just recently written a blog on quiet time and the importance of it, God thought to remind me of this yet again. But this time, I started thinking how I could take a similar journey in my life. And the more I thought on it, the more excited I became...to the point of getting online and looking for secluded cabins in nature where I could hike or sit and stare at God's creation and the wonder of His world. I haven't been this excited about something in awhile. I mean, I couldn't even sleep! I was like a kid on Christmas eve waiting for Christmas morning!!! (I know...I'm losing it and must get out more!)
I ended up finding the perfect place (which I will not tell you where because the point is SOLITUDE and I don't want to be found) and I started checking availability on my end and theirs and came up with a perfect weekend (again, it is a secret but a few months off). My mind was racing...no cell phones, no TV, no movies, no radio/music, no text messages, no interaction with a human of any kind, no talking for three days, no computers, no facebook, no blogs...nothing but me, God, and a cabin in seclusion. A fast of sorts if you want to look at it from that angle. I plan on doing a lot of writing, a lot of praying and a lot of sitting and quieting my mind and just....being still. I know this sounds like the worst idea in the world to some of you, and it would have been for me too a few years ago but now, I'm craving it. I've learned to embrace the silence of the day and actually ENJOY it and look forward to it.
It wasn't until two days later that I realized something. This perfect weekend that I picked out will be the one year anniversary of the day my husband packed his things, walked out of my life and said he wanted a divorce to my absolute shock. The day, one year ago, that my world shattered onto the ground into a million little pieces and I had no idea what was about to happen. The day, I went to my knees and was broken before God, as the one person I loved on this Earth more than anything was simply gone, in an instant, and my life was about to change forever.
To be honest, at first I thought, well no way can I do it THAT weekend. I need to surround myself with people, activities, fun, happy things...noise. But then, I started to realize that this was no coincidence. God directed me down this path, to this place, to that weekend for a reason. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought how better to spend that milestone day than with my best friend, my Lord and my Savior? I have no idea what He's going to reveal to me during that weekend but I know it will be a sweet time, it will fill my spirit, and it will probably help me look back and process some of the past year. I hope to look back on all I have learned thus far, where He's taken me and maybe even where He is about to lead me on my journey in the upcoming year.
So to those of you that think I cannot be quiet for three days, just wait and see! I'm sure when I'm back, there will be plenty of material for many blogs so you will get a little sneek peek into the events of that particular weekend. I guess you can say I'm taking my own advice and carving out my own solitude in order to let God do what He does best...love, mold and shape His children.
Let the countdown to solitude begin!
One of the things he talks about in his book is a time period where he basically went on a sabbatical and just was alone in nature for a period of days in solitude and absolute silence. He spent the time searching for God, listening to His voice and completely quieted his life. I may be the only one in the world that remembers this part of the book, but for me, that was radical and one of those things I thought, "that would be cool to do, but who has the time?"
Since I have just recently written a blog on quiet time and the importance of it, God thought to remind me of this yet again. But this time, I started thinking how I could take a similar journey in my life. And the more I thought on it, the more excited I became...to the point of getting online and looking for secluded cabins in nature where I could hike or sit and stare at God's creation and the wonder of His world. I haven't been this excited about something in awhile. I mean, I couldn't even sleep! I was like a kid on Christmas eve waiting for Christmas morning!!! (I know...I'm losing it and must get out more!)
I ended up finding the perfect place (which I will not tell you where because the point is SOLITUDE and I don't want to be found) and I started checking availability on my end and theirs and came up with a perfect weekend (again, it is a secret but a few months off). My mind was racing...no cell phones, no TV, no movies, no radio/music, no text messages, no interaction with a human of any kind, no talking for three days, no computers, no facebook, no blogs...nothing but me, God, and a cabin in seclusion. A fast of sorts if you want to look at it from that angle. I plan on doing a lot of writing, a lot of praying and a lot of sitting and quieting my mind and just....being still. I know this sounds like the worst idea in the world to some of you, and it would have been for me too a few years ago but now, I'm craving it. I've learned to embrace the silence of the day and actually ENJOY it and look forward to it.
It wasn't until two days later that I realized something. This perfect weekend that I picked out will be the one year anniversary of the day my husband packed his things, walked out of my life and said he wanted a divorce to my absolute shock. The day, one year ago, that my world shattered onto the ground into a million little pieces and I had no idea what was about to happen. The day, I went to my knees and was broken before God, as the one person I loved on this Earth more than anything was simply gone, in an instant, and my life was about to change forever.
To be honest, at first I thought, well no way can I do it THAT weekend. I need to surround myself with people, activities, fun, happy things...noise. But then, I started to realize that this was no coincidence. God directed me down this path, to this place, to that weekend for a reason. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought how better to spend that milestone day than with my best friend, my Lord and my Savior? I have no idea what He's going to reveal to me during that weekend but I know it will be a sweet time, it will fill my spirit, and it will probably help me look back and process some of the past year. I hope to look back on all I have learned thus far, where He's taken me and maybe even where He is about to lead me on my journey in the upcoming year.
So to those of you that think I cannot be quiet for three days, just wait and see! I'm sure when I'm back, there will be plenty of material for many blogs so you will get a little sneek peek into the events of that particular weekend. I guess you can say I'm taking my own advice and carving out my own solitude in order to let God do what He does best...love, mold and shape His children.
Let the countdown to solitude begin!
JOY
PS Since I talked recently about my quiet spot and the beauty of the morning, I wanted to include this picture. Taken from where I sit and do my quiet time and watch the sunrise most mornings...this is taken with a camera phone so it is much more beautiful in real life but I just had to share! Every day, it looks different, which is just so cool to see the wonders that God has created!
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